A Big Old Goofy World from 2002

Listen to the March 23, 2002 show

This week, we revisit a classic from the Fitzgerald Theater, with Mollie O'Brien, Robin & Linda Williams and Their Fine Group, Greg Leisz, and Peter Ostroushko.

Highlights include English Majors, Duct Tape, talk of St. Paul, “Long as I Can See the Light” from The Hopeful Gospel Quartet, “So Long, See You Tomorrow” and “Remember Your Love” from Robin and Linda Williams, “Brown-Eyed Handsome Man” and “It Ain’t Love” from Mollie O’Brien, ‘Trip to Donegal’ from Peter Ostroushko as part of his challenge to write a new song every week, “Deep Water” from Greg Leisz, and the latest News from Lake Wobegon. Listen to the show.

The Hopeful Gospel Quartet was formed when four friends discovered their shared interest in gospel music; they were standing around backstage, waiting for one of the Prairie Home Companion shows to begin, and one of them began to sing. The others joined in, and — fast-forward — the Hopeful Gospel Quartet, or the Hopefuls, toured with Chet Atkins and performed at Carnegie Hall, Radio City Music Hall, The Universal Amphitheatre, and at The Great Prairie Home Hymn-Sing Festival in Moorhead, Minnesota. The Hopefuls released two albums: Garrison Keillor & the Hopeful Gospel Quartet and Climbing Up on the Rough Side. The members of the Hopeful Gospel Quartet for this show are Mollie O’Brien, Garrison Keillor, and Robin and Linda Williams. Here is ‘It Ain’t Love’ by Mollie O’Brien, which she plays on this week’s show.

Garrison often spoke about both St. Paul and Minneapolis in his scripts. But in 2002, he often did extended scripts dedicated to one or another or the rivalry between the cities. Here is the script for St. Paul from this week’s classic show:

GK: Our program coming to you today from (MUSIC) Good old St. Paul. Yes, if life seems stressful and unnecessarily complicated, maybe you need to think about moving to Good Old St. Paul.

People often ask me what is the difference between Minneapolis and St. Paul, since I’ve been in both cities, and I tell them that, of course, Minneapolis is a great city and the home of many wonderful people. It is a fact, however, that you will find more giant rats in Minneapolis. (RATS) And more people talking to themselves (SWEDISH), more giant carnivorous lizards (SHRIEK).

GK: And it’s a proven fact that Minneapolis drivers have strong psychopathic tendencies — you try to get on the freeway, people won’t let you in. (HORN, SQUEAL OF TIRES, ROAR OF ENGINE) The women are the worst.

SS: OUT OF MY WAY, BOZO, OR I’LL CRUSH YOU LIKE A DIXIE CUP.

GK: Wonderful women, educated, interested in the arts, big readers, gracious hosts —

SS: Would you like more sherry?

GK: But they will not let you into their lane —

SS: YOU THINK YOU’RE GOING TO SQUEEZE IN FRONT OF ME. THINK AGAIN, BUDDY BOY — YOU FEEL LUCKY, PUNK? WELL, DO YA? THEN GO AHEAD! MAKE MY DAY!

GK: (MUSIC) That’s when you think, maybe it’s time I tried living in Good Old St. Paul.

TR: Yeah, that’s right. I usedta live out west of Minneapolis and commute to my job as a stock analyst, and I tell you, those Minneapolis drivers drove me nuts. So Lois and I moved to St. Paul. I found work at the doorbell factory and she’s making lace doilies for the St. Paul Piano Top Shop. We take the streetcar to work and on the weekends go dancing at the Prom Ballroom. We’re just a whole lot happier.

GK: Good Old St. Paul. Once you settle down here, you almost never need to go anywhere else.

SS: Yeah, I used to go to Minneapolis, and then after my aunt died, thirty years ago, there was no more reason to go. St. Paul’s got everything we need. Grocery store. Filling station. Shoe repair. Dry cleaner. A restaurant where you don’t pay an arm and a leg for a plate of spaghetti. And they’re all right here in the neighborhood. Why drive fifteen miles and spend an hour finding a place to park when you can find something just as good right around the corner? It don’t make sense.

GK: Lots of people find it easier to live in St. Paul, including our governor.

TR (JESSE VENTURA): I sure felt honored when I moved into the governor’s mansion in St. Paul. It’s only a short bike ride from my office in the Capitol. I can get home in ten minutes and stop at the store for bread and milk.

GK: If your life is stressful and unnecessarily complicated, maybe it’s time you consider Good Old St. Paul. I think you’re going to like it.

(MUSIC BUTTON)

© Garrison Keillor 2002

“One reads books in order to gain the privilege of living more than one life. People who don't read are trapped in a mine shaft, even if they think the sun is shining.” —Garrison Keillor

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