Some churches grow, and others shrink. Most oscillate for decades around a size they find comfortable. Whether your church is trying to achieve escape velocity from its comfortable size zone or struggling to stay within it, you need to know what growth requires. Unfortunately, we often soothe each other by ignoring well-established facts about church growth and telling reassuring lies. Here are a few of the most common:

Lie #1: Friendly churches grow. Declining churches often marvel at how many visitors show up once and don't return. "But we're so friendly!" Like most lies we tell ourselves, this one has a grain of truth in it: a visitor who gets a friendly greeting is more likely to return. But most church consultants know that the more vehemently leaders say their church is friendly, the more likely it will feel quite cold to visitors.

When people say, "Our church is friendly," generally they mean "My friends are here." Visitors to "friendly" churches see the backs of people's heads-heads gathered into tight, impenetrable groups of friends. Churches that excel at hospitality are more apt to give themselves a B+ or C- in the friendliness department-and appreciate that hospitality takes effort.