The answer to this one question can tell me where leaders place their priorities, what keeps them up at night and where they are finding hope in the world.
But during the pandemic, I have found that social distancing and stay-at-home orders have dramatically changed leaders' answers to "What do you need most?"
Recently, a friend responded by saying, "I need someone to carry hard things with me."
Notice that he didn't ask for someone to solve his problems or take them away; he simply needs someone to walk alongside him. He needs a holy friend.
Theologian L. Gregory Jones defines holy friends as those who "challenge the sins we have come to love, affirm the gifts we are afraid to claim and help us dream dreams we otherwise would not dream." While those defining characteristics of holy friends are critical to human flourishing, they take on even greater importance in the midst of a pandemic.
Holy friendships are crucial to sustaining leaders personally, offering perspective and support in a role that is otherwise often isolated and isolating. Such friendships need to be cultivated intentionally, writes the dean of Duke Divinity School and senior fellow at Leadership Education at Duke Divinity.
In this article from 2007, a former Alban consultant and pastor reflects on how clergy self-care requires spending enough time to build and maintain transparent, truthful, and loving relationships with God, with those we love, and with ourselves. But, we don't have to be perfect at it.
Ministry has never been an easy path, and the challenges of today's changing church landscape only heighten the stress and burn-out of congregational leaders. A Guide to Ministry Self-Care offers a comprehensive and up-to-date overview of both the causes of stress and strategies for effective self-care. Written for both new and long-time ministers, the book draws on current research and offers practical and spiritual insights into building and maintaining personal health and sustaining ministry long term. The book addresses a wide range of life situations and explores many forms of self-care, from physical and financial to relational and spiritual.
