Catch Them Doing It Right Dear John, A few weeks ago, I was back in the small town where I grew up. It’s 60 miles north of New York City and in an hour, you can have the “Big City” experience and return home at night to hear crickets chirping and an occasional train whistle in the distance. This trip combined some business with a visit to my parents – who still live in the same area. The day before returning home I went to a pack-and-ship store to send home some clothes (I hate checking luggage but that’s fodder for another article). When I approached the counter with my shipping form, the clerk entered the information, looked up at me and said: “Are you the David Lorenzo who worked for Marriott? You went to school in Rhode Island and had almost every job in the hotel before you graduated? Then you went to New York City and started a business there, right?” To say I was shocked was an understatement. As it turns out, the man behind the counter worked with my father at IBM. Apparently, my dad told him, and everybody else, quite a bit about me. I have a great relationship with my dad, and I know he loves me and is proud of me but hearing the details of my career from a third party, recounted with such accuracy, tells me they must have been shared extensively and repeatedly. That made me feel good, even all these years later. Growing up I would often overhear my father telling stories about how I got the game winning hit or made the perfect presentation at the science fair. Those little moments add up when it comes to building a kid’s self-esteem. These days, we have social media and we broadcast the results of every game, contest, and academic endeavor. Setting privacy concerns aside, a parent can showcase their kids’ talent and keep the world up to date. And you should. Of course, there will be people who say, “You have kids. I have kids. We both love our kids. You don’t have to keep talking about them.” Those people are wrong. I do have to keep talking about them. I do have to keep bragging about them. As they grow, there will be enough people and situations that try to rob them of their self-esteem. There will be coaches, teachers and other parents who say stupid, nasty things to them, because they have their own personal issue, some deep emotional baggage they can’t handle. The people we meet throughout our lives beat us up and project their disfunction on us. If we have healthy self-esteem, we recognize that baggage as being theirs and not ours. That’s a critical building block for success. Young kids have this internal “ledger.” On one side is everything good they believe about themselves. On the other side is everything bad. Our job as parents and as society is to overwhelm the good side of the ledger for each kid so they completely forget the bad. To be clear, I’m not saying you never correct, scold or discipline a child. I’m saying you keep them focused on the greatness of their potential. Even when they do something stupid or under achieve, you share your disappointment in a way that helps them improve. Life is full of setbacks and the thing that helps you handle them, as you get older, is the self-esteem you’ve developed and maintained, starting when you were a child. Part of my business is coaching entrepreneurs, professionals and executives. The biggest challenge these folks face is not lack of financing or deficient sales skills. The biggest challenge is low self-esteem. If you don’t have it as you emerge from adolescence into adulthood, it becomes more and more difficult to build it up. The ledger becomes tougher to balance. It can be done if you recognize the issue and you’re willing to put in the work. But like everything else, it is easier if you build on a solid foundation. Last week I lost a couple of deals I really wanted. It was like a punch in the gut. This past Saturday, my 11-year old had a rough time at a martial arts tournament. Both of us went back to work on Monday knowing we would have bigger success in the future because of what we learned from the setbacks. I know it because my dad bragged about me to everyone and that made me believe it. My son knows it because I post videos of his success on social media and tell everyone how great he is. I spend a lot of time bragging about my kids. I do that because I’m proud of them. I hope you brag about your kids. Seriously, they need it. Have a great week. Warm regards, Dave Lorenzo Revenue Growth Expert Toll Free: (888) 444-5150 Miami, FL: (786) 436-1986 EMail: DLorenzo@DLorenzo.com Website: DaveLorenzo.com |