1.  Biden: Decision to Reopen TX, MS Is ‘Neanderthal Thinking’

 BLUNT 

“It’s critical, critical, critical that they follow the science,” the president told reporters.

2.  Michael Moore, Olbermann Call for Texas to Go Un-Vaccinated

  ‘WASTING VACCINATIONS’ 

The pair of liberal commentators took to Twitter to suggest Texans are undeserving of vaccines because of their Republican governor.

3.  I Haven’t Seen Another Fly After Using This Trap

 LORD OF THE FLIES 

This fly trap is a bag that you fill with water and it can kill as many as 40,000 flies.

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4.  Lin Wood Booted From Lawyers Club for Wanting Pence Executed

 OBJECTIONABLE 

“Under any reasonable measurement of conduct unbecoming, Mr. Wood has crossed that line by a wide margin,” the private club wrote in its decision

5.  Sofia Vergara Has Control Over Her Embryos, Judge Declares

 SEEMS OBVIOUS 

Vergara’s ex-fiancé Nick Loeb has been fighting the actress for control of embryos the couple froze before their 2014 break-up.

6.  This ‘Germ-Killing’ Mask Is My New Everyday Go-To

 NEW YEAR, NEW MASK 

This mask may boast virus-busting benefits, but it’s also comfortable, durable, and cool on dry and irritable skin.

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7.  Elon Musk Looking to Found Texas Town Called 'Starbase'

 STARBASE 

In a press release, a Cameron County judge disclosed the SpaceX billionaire’s request to incorporate the area known as Boca Chica Village.

8.  Legislators Fail to Cite Examples to Justify Anti-Trans Laws

 ‘NOT ABOUT SPORTS’ 

An Associated Press investigation found that many lawmakers seeking to ban trans girls from high school sports could not name one incident where inclusion had brought problems.

9.  Pentagon Actually Took 3 Hours to Get National Guard to Riot

 WHY? 

Major Gen. William J. Walker, of the D.C. National Guard, testified to Congress on Wednesday about a “frantic” request he received on Jan. 6.

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10.  FBI, DHS Warn of Capitol Threat for ‘True Inauguration Day’

 HEADS UP 

Bulletin states that domestic extremists have “plans to take control of the U.S. Capitol” as QAnon conspiracy theorists put their baseless hopes for Trump on March 4 instead.

11.  George W. Bush’s Top Terror Adviser Joins Video Game Company

  WORLD OF WARCRAFT 

Frances Townsend was one of Bush’s Homeland Security advisers from 2004 to 2008.

12.  Meghan Markle Faces Bullying Investigation by Palace

 ‘VERY CONCERNED’ 

Buckingham Palace says it will investigate allegations Meghan “humiliated” female staffers.

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13.  Google: We’ll Stop Tracking Users Around Internet for Ads

 PRIVATE EYE 

The search giant is planning to bring an end to ads that are targeted at users based on their individual browsing history across multiple sites.

14.  ‘Incel’ Found Guilty of Killing 10 in Toronto Van Attack

 ‘RIGHT AND WRONG’ 

The judge rejected Alex Minassian’s defense that he was not criminally responsible because of his autism spectrum disorder.

15.  Idaho GOPer Complains Education Makes Life Easier for Moms

 OH, MAN 

Rep. Charlie Shephard said he couldn’t possibly vote for any bill that “makes it easier or more convenient for mothers to come out of the home.”

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