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Martin: 'It's time to have a difficult conversation'
How to financially protect yourself & loved ones from the 3Ds - death, dementia & divorce

While we all rightly hope for the best, it's just as important to also plan for the worst. It isn't pleasant, but it is important. The financial and emotional cost of ignoring 'unpleasant issues' is a nightmare. Anyone who has people who rely on them needs to think about the 3Ds.

So have a chat with your parents, have a chat with your children. Be candid, blunt & as unemotional as possible... though the odd tear in the eye is fine, it just means you love each other.

Below are my key need-to-knows. If you've questions, I'll be taking them alongside specialists on my ITV show at 8pm tonight (21 Nov).

1) Only 9 days left: Will Aid - get a solicitor-drafted will in return for a charity donation. A will means you get to decide who gets what. If not, the rigid intestacy rules are what dictates it. Yet a will also should reduce the time and hassle involved in sorting things out after.

The will-writing gold standard is a solicitor-drafted will, which can cost £100s. There are ways to cut will-writing costs, including working with specific charities that'll help (for a bequest), yet there are two wide-ranging charity schemes, one of which is on now and just about to end.

- November is Will Aid (18+). Will Aid month runs across the UK. Solicitor firms give time for simple wills in return for a suggested £100 donation (£180 for couples' mirror wills) spread across nine charities, eg, Age UK and Save the Children - likely far cheaper than normal. Can't afford it? You can give less, but don't game it, as it's for charity.

You need to BOOK by Thu 30 Nov, but do it ASAP as spaces may run out, though appointments can run in Nov, Dec or even Jan with some firms. There are still virtual appointments left across the country, and in-person available in Scot, Wales, N. Ireland, NW and NE England.

- Free Wills Month (over-54s) is in Mar & Oct. A smaller scheme, with Free Wills Month you get the will done free, but they ask for you to leave money to charity in it.

2) Wondering where to store your will? Often solicitors will store it in a safe place for free. If you're using Will Aid, check if storage is an option with the firm (it's possible to store a will at home in a safe place).

3) You CAN'T leave pensions in your will, ensure you've an up-to-date expression of wishes. Die before taking your private or company pension, and the provider/trustees decide what to do with it. An expression of wishes (or 'nomination') form tells them your preference. So check you've done one and it's up to date.

As Floochy tweeted me: "@MartinSLewis - had a case where a colleague's ex-husband was still on her nomination form. Family had to contest. A nightmare for all involved."

4) Unmarried and living together? Get a will, a contract, a civil partnership or tie the knot - your relationship means nowt in law. It doesn't matter if you've lived together for six centuries and have more children than a primary school, if you're not married/civil partners, your relationship has little status under inheritance law. So if one partner dies, the other mightn't get the house, even if they've lived in it years.

That's why a will is oft crucial here, see cohabiting & no will rules. It's also worth considering a cohabitation agreement, which spells out what happens if your relationship breaks down.

5) Check your will is up to date, especially if you've got married. An out-of-date will is almost as bad as no will. It's important to note that in Eng, Wal and NI, wills are often revoked when you get married, so you'll need a new one.

6) Most people shouldn't worry about inheritance tax (IHT), only one in 25 estates actually pay it. There's been talk about the Chancellor cutting or abolishing inheritance tax in this week's Autumn Statement. The truth is that'd only impact those at the higher end of the wealth scale, as far fewer estates (just 4%) pay inheritance tax than most believe. Full help in how inheritance tax works, but in brief...

- Anything left to a spouse (married/civil partners) is EXEMPT from IHT.
- You don't pay IHT on the first £325,000 of your estate left to others.
- This can be boosted to £500,000 if you pass on your main residence to your (biological/foster/step/adopted) children or grandchildren.
- You can pass on any unused allowance to your spouse, so if you left them everything, they could then leave £1m (your £500,000 and their £500,000) including their home to children or grandchildren. Any amount that isn't exempt is taxed at 40%.
- If an IHT bill is looking likely, gifting rules can cut/cancel it (whether from annual income or bigger gifts if you live long enough after).

7) Protect your digital legacy: social media & photos when you die. This can include all your online documents, photos, social media accounts and more. There's no UK law specifically dealing with it yet, but you can give the right to access digital 'assets' to beneficiaries in your will. More help in MSE Kelvin's digital legacy blog.

It's worth doing, some families have had to get court orders when their loved one hasn't specified what access others should have when they were still alive. So:

a) List your digital directory on paper (everything that's important).
b) Back up your most important things (pref on an external hard drive).
c) Record decisions via a digital legacy template.
d) Note executor on platforms that allow it (Apple, Facebook, Google-ish).

If you die, you're gone, it's about leaving money to others, and while it's cumbersome, there's a process even if you're will-less. Yet losing your faculties is less clear-cut - who'll look after you, and who can access your funds even to pay for YOUR care or make decisions. That's why the less-discussed Power of Attorney is arguably more important.

9) A Lasting Power of Attorney (LPA) makes it easier for someone to take over your finances & financial decisions if you can't. Like many, I've felt the pain and horror of seeing close loved ones suffer the ravages of dementia. While there's little that can be done to stop it, a Lasting Power of Attorney is one of the most important precautions (or its predecessor, an 'Enduring Power of Attorney').

Lose your faculties, and don't assume relatives can walk into the bank and access your money - not even to pay for your care, or the mortgage. This weekend, I was chatting to a young couple expecting their first child who'd been helping older members of their family with LPAs. I asked them if they'd considered getting one themselves. Filling the pause, I said...

"Ask yourself what'd happen if you suddenly lost your faculties? Would your loved ones be locked out of crucial accounts in your name? If that'd leave you in trouble, get a Power of Attorney, or at least reorganise where your money is."

Losing faculties doesn't only happen to the elderly; accidents, strokes, early onset dementia and more can hit anyone. And younger people tend to have separate finances. I'm only 51 (I know, I know, I look younger). While I've no reason to foresee losing mental capacity, I've long had a Lasting Power of Attorney set up, in case.

With an LPA, you nominate a trusted friend or relative to look after your affairs if needed. This DOESN'T mean giving up control now - you can opt for it only to be in effect if you're no longer capable.

The cost of registering a single LPA is £82 in Eng & Wales (it can be more in the rest of the UK), yet most people will want help to do it. Solicitor-drafted is again the gold standard, and costs £200 to £500. An alternative is the Which? Wills* £74 deal (via this link) - where you write it, but with help available. See LPA help.

10) Without a Power of Attorney, it's the 'dreaded' Court of Protection. To take care of someone's finances without an LPA, you'd need to apply via the Court of Protection (or similar). I've heard many nightmares, about both time and cost, with people deeply regretting they didn't sort things sooner.

As David tweeted: "@MartinSLewis This is so important. My dad collapsed and suddenly was diagnosed with dementia. I had no LPA, so had to apply through the Court of Protection to get access to his bank accounts. It took nearly a year, and all the while his £2.5k care home fees had to be paid."

11) There's a health Power of Attorney too. There's also a Health & Welfare Power of Attorney and a living will (officially 'an advance decision'), where you can refuse certain medical treatments if you lose capacity in future. Not my expertise, but worth considering.

Death is often cruel, shocking, and grief-inducing. And at that moment, when many families are at their most vulnerable, they must deal with a host of practical and admin issues. So pre-planning can help.

13) Funeral costs. Want to pay for your funeral now? Funerals are expensive, even basic ones can cost £4,000. So that and wanting to save loved ones from stress are the prepaid funeral sector's big sells.

The sector finally became regulated (by the Financial Conduct Authority) in July 2022, meaning tighter fairness rules and more protection. Prepaid plans can make sense - see our Prepaid funeral plans guide - yet be aware they often exclude things like burial plots, headstones, flowers, embalming and wake costs, so there can be £100s or £1,000s more to be paid by loved ones.

NB: Beware over-50s' life insurance plans - they work in a very different way and are a waste of cash for many.

14) A checklist of what to do when someone dies. If someone you know passes away, even if it was expected, it can be a very difficult time. Just so you're aware, we've a What to do when someone dies checklist, which helps you through the practicalities step by step from the very first moment. It's worth remembering if you may need it.

15) Loved one passed away and you're the executor? The process of dealing with their estate is known as 'probate' ('confirmation' in Scotland). While probate can seem daunting, for simple estates, you may be able to complete the process yourself and save £1,000s. See our Probate DIY guide.

So I hope all that has given you enough info to have the unpleasant chat as efficiently and practically as possible. Good luck.