Happy Sunday, my friend! Did you know Parmesan cheese has a big counterfeit problem? There’s a $2 billion market for fakes. The Parmigiano Reggiano Consortium (yep, that’s a real thing) is fighting back by adding tracking chips smaller than a grain of salt to the 88-pound cheese wheels. If you eat the tracking chip, though, you’ll be fine.

Before we dive in, help me help you. When you forward, reply to and click links in this email, it tells the Big Tech email providers you want to hear from me. Tap or click that “Reply” button to say, “Yup, I want more Kim!” Thank you for your help. — Kim

Turn around, bright eyes — a total eclipse of the sun is coming on April 8 (they played that song at my high school prom! 💃). This is your last chance to see a full eclipse from the lower 48 states until 2044.

I flew to Wyoming to see the total eclipse in 2017, and it was amazing. That said, yeah, I’m not traveling to that kind of circus again. Everywhere on the path was packed!

This kind of eclipse has a dark side, and I’m not talking about the moon. Every eclipse, watchers get lulled into a false sense of security, and they end up hurting their eyes. Don’t be a dummy. I’ve got you covered with the info you need to catch the eclipse safely.

‘Where can I watch it, Kim?’

Get used to this term: The path of totality. It describes the path of the eclipse where you can see the moon completely over the sun — in this case, a band over 100 miles wide.

📌 The upcoming eclipse enters the good ol’ US of A in Texas on April 8, brushing over San Antonio at 1:33 p.m. CDT, then exits the country over Houlton, Maine, at 3:33 p.m. EDT, before heading into Canada.

Check out the interactive maps at the Great American Eclipse or NASA to make sure you’re in the right place at the right time. Rest assured, you'll get a pretty good view even if you’re not in the perfect spot.

What to know before you go

If you don’t want to watch the eclipse from your car, get to your viewing spot with plenty of time to spare. I mean it! Some towns and cities are expecting more than a million visitors (Austin, Texas, has already declared a state of emergency).

⏲️ The total eclipse lasts around four-and-a-half minutes at its peak in Texas (twice as long as the last stateside solar eclipse in 2017!). You’ll also get around an hour of partial eclipse on either side, so be ready.

Prep your solar safety

Watching a solar eclipse without the proper eye gear can permanently damage your eyes. Tell your neighbors, tell your friends and tell your kids — children, especially, are at risk.

👀 OK, but what actually happens to your eyes? A scary thing called solar retinopathy, where intense light burns the sensitive retina in the eye. It can cause “holes” in your vision, and there's no way to reverse it. I told you it’s a big deal.

Take my advice to avoid the pain:

• Buy some eclipse glasses now before they sell out.
• Look for pairs that fit the ISO 12312‑2 international standard, like this two‑pack.
• Don't borrow glasses from anyone unless you know they’re legit.
• Fit your telescope, camera or binocular lenses with solar filters. (Your eclipse glasses won't work with them!)
• DIY astronomers might want to try NASA's pinhole camera, too.

And yeah, I know you can look directly at the sun during the few brief minutes of a total eclipse, but I wouldn't take the risk.

The bottom line? Be safe, and don't let this event be overshadowed (get it?) by a trip to the ER.

😂 Line for you to use on April 8: “Hey, anybody know when and where the sun don’t shine?”

Tech finds for under $50, all on sale at Walmart!

• An electric toothbrush from Oral‑B for your pearly whites.
• A combination magnetic charger and stand for your iPhone.
• This portable, waterproof JBL speaker lasts 5 hours on a charge.
• An electric warming coaster for hot coffee or tea all morning.
• A good starter ergonomic mouse if your wrist is feeling iffy.

Fame, sans fortune: By the time today’s kid influencers grow up, they might not see a penny of the money they made online. Right now, Illinois is the only state that protects internet earnings for kids under age 16. That puts social media about 85 years behind Hollywood, which passed the California Child Actor’s Bill, aka the Coogan Law, in 1939 to protect child stars’ earnings from no-good parents.

🍩 I want a drone-nut: DoorDash is piloting drone delivery, starting in Christiansburg, Virginia. All you need is a clear two-square-meter spot on your property, like a driveway, and boom — it’s raining takeout. DoorDash says it plans to launch its drones in other U.S. cities this year. Phoenix next, please! 🤞

World’s burst cube: NASA just sent BurstCube, a satellite the size of a shoebox, to the International Space Station. Its mission? To study space’s most powerful explosions. This pint-sized cube with wings is hyper-cost-effective compared to huge, old-school satellite tech, and it could mean a new era of research for NASA.

Worse than a cheat meal: Poor sleep derails your diet on a cellular level. New research shows bad sleep slows your metabolism and messes with how your body processes sugars and fats. You know the drill, folks: Get at least 7 hours of shuteye, and cut out the late-night scrolling.

📺 BOGO: Buy one of these 2024 Samsung TVs and get a 65-inch UHD TV for $0. You don’t have to splurge on the 8K model to get the deal — and I wouldn’t. FYI, the freebie is a 2022 entry-level model, so don’t expect it to blow you away.

AI is changing the world at a pace we’ve never seen before in the history of mankind. That’s why you need to take a free test drive to learn how you can save time and money using AI in your business.

The problem: Buying the tech to make it happen is expensive — and who knows if you’re even choosing what you truly need?

The pros at Oracle will bring AI to your company the easy way. Oracle Cloud Infrastructure uses NVIDIA GPUs, so you know you’re getting the gold standard in processing power. Let them worry about updates and maintenance so you can focus on the future.

Keep your passwords safe: Stop using sticky notes or trying to memorize each and every one. I tested out Keeper Security* and negotiated a deal just for you. Get 50% off a personal plan (or 30% off for businesses) right here. Less than $2 a month for peace of mind and no more struggling to remember your passwords? Yes, please.

“Why did you say that?” Use that line the next time ChatGPT or another chatbot says something strange or unbelievable in response to your prompt. It should give you the source of said info, or it’ll just apologize for making stuff up. C’mon, AI, do better!

Taking a pic? Don’t say “cheese.” Saying “yoga” when smiling will make you look a lot better. You’re welcome.

Catch up on my podcast: If you have a bunch to get through, adjust the playback speed. Look for “1x” or similar in your podcast player. Tap that, and you’ll see options to speed up (or slow down) the playback. Pro tip: Only speed up your listening by .25x or .5x, and give your brain time to adapt. Have you tried my Daily Tech Update podcast? You’ll love it!

RIP: Check your phone's end-of-life (EOL) date. That's when it’ll no longer get security updates — and when you really should stop using it. Try endoflife.date to find your EOL.

❓ Every week on my show, I talk with interesting folks and those who could use a little help with something digital. Catch these convos this weekend on a station near you or as a podcast.

• Kevan Atteberry illustrated Clippy, the world’s most hated virtual assistant. A true relic of the ’90s!
• Julian in Tucson, Arizona, is a YouTube Premium subscriber who wants to know why Google is suddenly asking for his government ID.
• Tom in Charleston, West Virginia, works at a small company that got hacked. Fraudsters were able to swipe all employee info, and he’s wondering what’s next.

Plus, Steve needs remote doc access, Alana wants my take on Starlink, Jared puzzles over password apps, Ken is wary about fake AI chat services, Joe looks into his new Wi‑Fi system and more.

🛣️ Cruise: America’s highways with a planned scenic drive.

Crunch: A top-ranked apple. (My favorite, Honeycrisp, scores a 95!) Use this to settle your family’s debate.

Win: With the most popular first moves in chess. Checkmate! (Don’t show Barry.)

🍰 Laugh: By looking up your birthday on this list of unofficial holidays. (Today’s National Cheesesteak Day — yum!)

Eat: Less sugar to improve your memory.

One person’s tech is another person’s treasure. 🥹

🧀 Since I started with cheese today, here’s one for the road … Did you hear about the cheese factory in France that exploded? There was nothing left but de‑brie. (Oh, good one!)

Over and out! Tomorrow’s issue is an important one most folks forget about — how to see who’s stealing your Wi‑Fi (and how to kick ‘em out).

Enjoy your Sunday, friend. It’s an honor to be in your inbox. Take a second and rate this issue so we know how we’re doing here in Komandoland. And in case no one told you today, I think you’re awesome! 🥳 — Kim