A few years ago writer Laura Turner discovered that she has cyclic vomiting syndrome, a little understood condition that causes long bouts of nausea and vomiting, usually sparked by anxiety. 

“I want to stop worrying. I want to be well,” writes Turner. “The trouble is, you can want something to the end of the world and still never get it.”

Her response is a sobering reaction to the ways in which our society perpetuates anxiety and burnout. On that latter note, Anne Helen Petersen takes a look at Pattern, which used to be the marketing company that brought Sweetgreen and Everlane to the urban millennial masses, and is now pivoting to conquering burnout. “The idea that brands ‘pivoting’ to burnout could meaningfully combat a condition that is first and foremost a product of capitalism requires a serious suspension of disbelief,” she writes, “or at the very least, a tempering of cynicism.” 

In more calming news, Karolina Waclawiak’s astrology column is back this month with tips for handling the last retrograde of the year and novelist Daniel José Older tells us what he’s been reading lately.

Personal Essays

Zoe van Dijk for BuzzFeed News

I Started Vomiting While I Was Pregnant. Two Years Later, I’m Still Sick.

I know that the intense nausea and vomiting that started during my pregnancy is linked to my anxiety. What I don't know is how to make it stop.

I Roasted Pork In A Last-Ditch Effort To Save My Dying Relationship

If I could master those fifteen pounds of meat so outside the realm of my own tastes, maybe I could stay inside a life that didn’t quite fit, writes Melissa Febos in an excerpt from Eat Joy: Stories & Comfort Food From 31 Celebrated Writers.

Smutty Fanfiction Taught Me More About Queer Sex Than School Ever Could

Where the education system failed us, our fellow horny teens stepped up.

Features

Gabriela Herman for BuzzFeed News

The Company That Branded Your Millennial Life Is Pivoting To Burnout

 When the marketing team behind brands like Sweetgreen and Everlane found themselves burning out, they shifted their business focus to doing something about it. But if capitalism caused this problem, can capitalism fix it?

Newsletter exclusive: an astrology column from executive editor Karolina Waclawiak

Welcome to another retrograde period! It feels like Mercury has been in retrograde 500 times in 2019. Have we just been spinning backwards, plagued by miscommunication, feelings of stagnation, and general doom all year long? I really can’t tell anymore. 

This Mercury retrograde is in Scorpio and it started on Halloween, so it inevitably flowed into some dark places. Feeling extra tense and anxious? Indecisive? Scorpios are intense (in a good way) and highly intuitive, so it’s natural that this period will evoke both things. It’s easy to get overwhelmed and feel like the universe is against you, but the reality is the universe gives you what you need, even if it’s not necessarily what you want. Did you have real struggles this year? Are they ongoing? They might be incredibly painful, but they’re all lessons — even if they feel deeply unfair. It’s always easier to accept what is when you like what’s happening. But perhaps you can take a moment to think about what you can take away from the hard lessons of this year. Chances are you realized you’re a lot stronger than you believed yourself to be. 

Retrograde periods are about information gathering rather than quick action. So hit pause for a bit and gather some facts about where you’re at right now — a cosmic temperature check. You might look around and feel displaced among your people, places, and things. The nouns, if you will. Perhaps it’s time to think about whether or not some of these nouns are still serving you. No matter what you may be going through, it’s often difficult to let go of trying to control a situation. Letting go requires trust. Trust that if you let go, the universe will catch you. And of course, trust is the hardest thing to hand over. 

Mercury retrograde ends on November 20. And on November 27, Neptune goes direct after five months of its own retrograde. Neptune is the planet that rules dreams, so the last five months might have felt like too harsh a reality to handle. As the planet moves direct and we head towards a new year, you’ll have some breathing room to start dreaming again. Allow yourself to get creative about what you want the next year to look like and trust that the universe will guide you toward what you need. 

Books

Jillian Guyette for BuzzFeed News

Carmen Maria Machado’s New Memoir Fills In The Gray Areas Of Abuse

 “I wrote this book because I was looking for something that didn’t exist,” Carmen Maria Machado says of her new memoir In the Dream House.

5 Books We Couldn't Put Down Last Month

From Jasmine Guillory's Royal Holiday to Elizabeth Strout's Olive Again. As recommended by the BuzzFeed Books newsletter.

How Did This Liberal Feminist Writer Fall In With The Dark Web?

Critically acclaimed essayist Meghan Daum has written a new book, The Problem With Everything, that ironically lacks the nuance she claims to be seeking.

Cultural Criticism 

Jennifer Aniston Is Angry Now And It’s Thrilling To Watch

On The Morning Show, Jennifer Aniston captures the rage of so many famous women of a certain age.

Shia LaBeouf’s New Movie Puts His Whole Career In Perspective

The actor’s autobiographical new film Honey Boy is a heartbreaking reckoning with his own trauma. (Spoilers ahead.)

"In looking at what can a black woman bring to the film, I was really trying to create a rich and textured portrait of African Americans in America,” director Kasi Lemmons told BuzzFeed News. Spoilers ahead.

If you’re looking for funny — and progressive — comfort viewing in the age of peak TV and cancel culture, you can’t do better than The Mary Tyler Moore Show.

The Terminator Franchise Has Let Sarah Connor Down

Linda Hamilton's iconic character is as fit and formidable as ever in Terminator: Dark Fate, but the movie ultimately squanders the opportunity to say something new.

Antonio Banderas Finally Has A Starring Role That Shows His Depths

In Pedro Almodóvar’s Pain and Glory, Banderas reminds us that there’s an actor of rare intellect and sensitivity beneath the widespread image of the winking heartthrob.

A newsletter exclusive: an interview with a writer we like! This month: Daniel José Older, whose new novel The Book of Lost Saints, is out now.  

What are you reading... Daniel José Older?

John Midgley

"I just finished Elizabeth Acevedo’s next masterpiece, Clap When You Land. I always joke about how sadistic blurbs sound, especially for that vague category of work the industry calls “literary fiction”: THIS BOOK WILL DRAG YOUR WHOLE LIFE THROUGH THE MUD AND DESTROY YOU OVER AND OVER!! And it’s true — we love a book that will wreck us. But the real magic is when an author can lift you up even while everything is falling apart on the page, and the moments that always get me in Acevedo’s books are the joyful ones. She builds characters and the worlds around them with so much care and compassion and precision, and we go through so much with them that when we get to share a triumph, find love, find self, experience healing — they just feel like a perfect breath of air, like floating. 

Clap When You Land is about two girls, one in New York, one in the Dominican Republic, dealing with grief and family upheaval after a plane crash. It sounds heavy, and sorrow resounds through the book, but Acevedo is so light on her feet, so skilled with her storycraft and language, that the heaviness never drags you down, and the movement of the book is from darkness into light: a love story." 

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