When Harry Met Sally famously tackled a question that’s just as pertinent in 2020 as it was in 1989: Can men and women ever just be friends? The film’s answer appears to be no. Why? The film’s story arc posits that attraction will inevitably develop between close, opposite-sex friends. Of course countless people today would answer yes, men and women can be just friends. In fact, most of my single friends are actively involved and deeply connected within coed friend groups. They’d absolutely count opposite-sex friends among their nearest and dearest.
Yet among married Christians, things are often quite different. Other than one’s husband or wife, many married Christians limit their personal friends to those of the same sex. The reason often ties back to Harry and Sally’s: An emotionally close, opposite-sex friendship can lead to attraction. And of course, if you’re married, that can lead to trouble. There’s an element of common sense in this sort of approach. A key aspect of marital fidelity is the self-aware conviction that none of us is above temptation.
But in this week’s featured article, Bronwyn Lea argues that married Christians ought to cultivate rather than avoid opposite-sex friendships. Key to Lea’s premise is the way in which Christians think of and relate to fellow believers. “Men and women who are adopted by God the Father become brothers and sisters to one another in the family of God,” Lea writes. “As a daughter of God, I’m called to see the men around me at church not as risks I ward off but as relatives I welcome. My goal is not so much to be friendly but to be familial.”
We’re called to think of and relate to each other as brothers and sisters. If we cut ourselves off from opposite-sex friendships in the church, are we truly living as the family of God? Lea suggests, “Cultivating healthy relationships between men and women within the family of God ... requires wisdom, character, self-control, and the accountability of community. … Yet God has called us to live as the family he has made us to be, which means that as a married woman, I must consider how to cultivate healthy, holy, and wholly appropriate community with the brothers God has given me.”
What’s your take? If you are married, what role do opposite-sex friends play in your life? Read “Why Married Women Need More Male Friends” and consider: Do you agree with Lea or disagree?
