1. Boxing COVID Nurse Is First Star of Tokyo’s Pandemic Games

  IN THE RINGS 

Middleweight Arisa Tsubata, who worked on the front lines of the pandemic, had her Olympic hopes crushed by COVID but enjoyed a starring role on a treadmill at Opening Ceremony.

2. Kanye Arrives Hours Late for ‘Listening Party,’ Says Nothing

 ‘REMAINED RELATIVELY STILL’ 

Meanwhile, fans ridiculed a snack menu spotted at the stadium that listed chicken tenders for $50.

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3. Making Pasta Just Got Even Easier Thanks to This Amazon Sale

 PASTA NIGHT 

This strainer is much better than a wire colander, and it’s on sale, too.

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4. Bare-Chested Tongan Flag Bearer Thrills Again in Tokyo

 GREASED UP AND READY 

Pita Taufatofua, the oiled-up, shirtless flag bearer who went viral at the Rio Olympics five years ago, was at it again in Tokyo.

5. ‘We’ve Done All We Can,’ Says IOC as Games Finally Begin

 FINGERS CROSSED 

They've been delayed for a year because of the COVID-19 pandemic, but IOC says organizers have done their best to ensure Tokyo Games can go ahead safely

6. These Adjustable Dumbbells Are Perfect for Any Workout

 PUMPING IRON 

A small space is no excuse not to move with this convenient fitness accessory.

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7. Armed Man Hijacks Houston Ambulance, Drives Off With Patient

 SIREN CALL 

The EMT in the back tried to simultaneously deescalate the situation and look after the patient.

8. Cops Release Harrowing 911 Call From Murdaugh Double Murder

 ‘PLEASE HURRY!’ 

High-profile attorney Alex Murdaugh can be heard in hysterics as soon as the call starts.

9. Batali, Bastianich Must Pay $600K to Sex-Harassment Victims

 PAYBACK TIME 

A New York probe found staffers were sexually harassed by Batali, restaurant managers, and other coworkers.

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10. Iowa Race Track Announcer Canned After Unhinged Racist Rant

 ‘I’LL JUST SAY BLACKS’ 

The man urged anyone who takes the knee to “find a different country.”

11. Mississippi AG Asks Supreme Court to Overturn Roe v. Wade

 ‘EGREGIOUSLY WRONG’ 

Mississippi’s attorney general filed suit to defend the state’s new, punitive abortion law, which largely bans the procedure after 15 weeks of pregnancy.

12. Untreatable Fungus Kills Two in Dallas Patient Cluster

 KILLER CANDIDA 

Candida auris, a form of yeast, poses a danger to those who are immunocompromised.

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13. Brazen Shooting Sends Dozens Running in Downtown D.C.

 ‘20-30 SHOTS’ 

The shooting cleared the intersection of 14th and R, one of the busiest in the capital.

14. Man, 34, Dies of COVID After Mocking Vaccine on Twitter

 R.I.P. 

Hillsong Church, where Stephen Harmon was a member, announced his death Thursday.

15. Several News Sites Inadvertently Show Readers Porn

 NOT SUITABLE FOR NEWS 

A former video hosting service was bought by a porn site, turning embedded videos on serious news articles into porn links.

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