1.  Elizabeth Holmes Jury Tells Judge They’re Stuck on 3 Counts

 JURY STALLS 

The Theranos founder faces nine counts of wire fraud and two counts of conspiracy to commit wire fraud.

2.  ‘I Lived in Fear’: Woman Describes Ashli Babbitt SUV Attack

  BEFORE THE RIOT 

She says the future insurrectionist attacked her after she told Babbitt’s husband about an affair.

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3.  Snag a Treasure Trove of Free Gifts By Buying a New Handbag

 AD BY SENREVE 

You splurged on gifts for everyone else; now it’s time to treat yourself.

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4.  UC Irvine Fires Med School Prof Who Refused to Get Vaxxed

 ‘NATURAL IMMUNITY?’ 

Dr. Aaron Kheriarty claimed his prior exposure to the virus gave him “natural immunity.”

5.  ‘Office’ Star Arrested for Alleged DUI, Hit-and-Run

 NYE IN JAIL 

Koechner was arrested after police responded to a call reporting an erratic driver on Friday afternoon.

6.  These Sheets Make My Bed Into a Soft Oasis

 OH, NO SHEET 

After the first few nights of sleeping on them, I knew these sheets would be something I would likely never swap out.

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7.  Elon Musk Kicks Off New Year by Getting $28 Billion Richer

 MEME STOCK BONANZA 

The serial entrepreneur and Twitter troll is the richest person in the world, by a $99 billion margin.

8.  Marjorie Taylor Greene Hit With 24-Hour Ban From Facebook

 AGAIN 

One day after Twitter permanently suspended the Georgia representative’s personal account, citing “repeated” violations of the site’s misinformation policies.

9.  Germany Herds Sheep, Goats Into Shape of Vaccine Syringe

 MUTTON ON THE MOVE 

The needle, constructed to encourage people to get vaccinated, was created by cajoling the livestock into formation using pieces of bread.

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10.  Omarion Joins in on Omicron Jokes: I’m ‘Not a Variant’

 POST TO BE 

Videos and memes playfully comparing the rapper’s name with the coronavirus variant have been making the rounds on TikTok and Instagram.

11.  Muslim Women Listed for ‘Auction’ on Indian App

  CYBER HATE CRIMES 

The women aren’t hopeful for justice, as the investigation into the original “Sulli Deals” has seen no arrests in six months.

12.  Student Who Survived Berkeley Balcony Collapse Dies at 27

 RIP 

After the collapse, Aoife Beary pushed for the passage of a bill that would make construction businesses more transparent.

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13.  ‘Terrorists’ Tried to Assassinate Haiti’s PM Over Weekend

 NEAR MISS 

One person was killed and two injured in the attack at a church where the prime minister was marking Haiti’s 218th independence anniversary.

14.  Trump Gives Bizarre Endorsement of Hungarian Strongman

 ‘WONDERFUL JOB’ 

The ex-president said anti-LGBT Prime Minister Viktor Orban “truly loves his Country and wants safety for his people.”

15.  FDA Approves Pfizer Booster Shots for Kids as Young as 12

 ROLL UP THAT SLEEVE  

A CDC panel will meet later this week for final decision, as the COVID Omicron variant continues to surge nationwide.

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