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1. Elon Musk Threatens to Call Off Twitter Deal Because of Bots

  THE CIRCUS CONTINUES 

The billionaire claimed that Twitter has been stonewalling his requests for additional data.

U.S. NEWS

2. Russia Loses Yet Another General in Senseless Ukraine War

 SO BRAVE HE GOT HIMSELF KILLED  

Death of Major-General Roman Kutuzov portrayed as proof that Russia’s generals are braver than their Ukrainian counterparts.

WORLD

This Brightening Kit Replaced My Monthly Facial

 BRIGHTEN UP 

Tula’s two-piece brightening kit combats dullness, acne scars, enlarged pores, sagging skin, and fine lines without having to go to the derm.

By Official Decree, the Royalist Newsletter Is Now Free 

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3. Harry and Meghan Jet Home Early, Skip End of Jubilee: Report

 MEGXIT, STAGE LEFT 

The Sussexes had apparently had enough of the festivities.

ARTS AND CULTURE

4. Another University Denies Rittenhouse Is an Enrolled Student

 AGGIE-MENTED REALITY 

Texas A&M has insisted: He doesn’t even go here!

U.S. NEWS

I’m Addicted to This Calorie-Burning Sauna Blanket

 GET HIGH ON YOUR OWN SUPPLY 

HigherDOSE’s infrared sauna blanket helps detox the body and gives you a natural post-workout high without having to even move your body.

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5. Briton Who Had Pottery Shards Gets 15 Years in Iraqi Prison

 ‘VISIBLY SHOCKED’  

Jim Fitton, 66, told the court that he’d picked up a few fragments as souvenirs on an organized tour at ancient sites in Iraq.

WORLD

6. Woman Lifted Wikipedia Text for Million-Dollar Book: Report

 SINCEREST FORM OF FLATTERY? 

About one-fifth of the manuscript, which had fallen two years behind schedule, appeared to be plagiarized.

ARTS AND CULTURE

7. Ryanair Quizzes South Africa Passengers—in Afrikaans

 AN IRISH JOKE? 

Airline says it’s trying to weed out fraudulent passports, but critics say Afrikaans is the language of the era of white-minority apartheid rule.

WORLD

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8. Man Dies Climbing Alaska’s Denali, Third Fatality This Year

 PERILOUS PEAK 

48-year-old Fernando Birman was just 600 feet from top of North America’s tallest peak.

U.S. NEWS

9. By Official Decree, the Royalist Newsletter Is Now Free

 👑 🗞 📩 = 🚫 💰 

Keep up with all your favorite Royals with our free, tea-spilling newsletter.

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10. Aussie Politician Attacked on YouTube Gets Google Payoff

 POISONED BUSINESS MODEL 

A judge said Google deliberately profited from “relentless, racist” attacks on a New South Wales politician that it refused to take down.

WORLD

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11. Ukraine World Cup Dreams Dashed After Heartbreaking Own Goal

 THE BEAUTIFUL GAME 

Wales has waited 64 years to qualify for the World Cup, but Ukraine was playing “the most important game of our lives.”

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12. Frustrated Parents Claim Gerber Rigged ‘Spokesbaby’ Contest

 ENFANT TERRIBLE 

Some speculated that the company picked a winner before the competition ever began.

U.S. NEWS

13. Nadal Wins Historic French Open Despite Chronic Foot Injury

 TOE TO TOE 

The Spanish tennis star, the oldest player ever to win the major event, said he’s thinking “positive” about Wimbledon later this month.

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