1. FDA Official: We Won’t Have Kids’ Vaccines Until Midwinter

  WAITING GAME 

The agency reportedly wants to see between four to six months of safety follow-up data for kids.

2. Trump Reportedly Asked Top General Pre-Riot: Are You Ready?

 ‘BIG DEAL’ 

It seems Donald Trump was getting a little bit anxious about the fury he had whipped up.

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3. Dad Grass’ Pre-Rolls Are the Best Way to Enjoy CBD

 LIGHT IT UP 

These pre-rolled CBD joints have all the benefits you get from CBD, just in a different form.

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4. Pulitzer-Winning Photographer Killed Covering Taliban Clash

 ‘MUCH-LOVED COLLEAGUE’ 

Danish Siddiqui was killed Friday during a skirmish near Afghanistan’s border with Pakistan.

5. Uber Haggles $59M Fine for Hiding Assault Data Down to $150K

 DRAMATIC DISCOUNT 

The initial fine was handed down when the ride-hailing service refused to hand over its in-house data relating to 3,000 sexual assaults.

6. This Little Press Made My Hamburgers So Much Better

 BURGER OF THE DAY 

As opposed to just smushing burgers with your hands, this press helps me make a consistent burger every single time.

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7. Death Toll of German, Belgian Floods Tops 90, 1,300+ Missing

 ‘SUFFERING KEEPS INCREASING’ 

The premier of North Rhine-Westphalia blamed the extreme weather on global warming.

8. NY AG Will Question Cuomo in Sex-Harassment Probe

 INTERROGATION 

Multiple women, including one current aide, have accused Andrew Cuomo of sexual harassment, and the attorney general’s office has been investigating for months now.

9. Red Sox Game Axed After Another Yankees Coronavirus Outbreak

 STRIKES TWICE 

The players were vaccinated, but General Manager Brian Cashman said the lack of symptoms among them proves that the vaccines work.

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10. Canada Might Open to Vaxxed Americans in August: Trudeau

 OPEN ONTARIO 

Canada’s vaccination rollout, initially sluggish, has quickened in recent months, and Trudeau said that if the pace continues, non-essential travel can restart.

11. Doc Filmmaker Admits He Used AI to Recreate Bourdain’s Voice

 ACT NOW, ETHICS LATER 

Morgan Neville said the effects weren’t discernible unless he told you which lines were artificially created.

12. Woman Broke Into Dentist’s Office, Yanked 13 Teeth: Cops

 EVIL EXTRACTOR 

Laurel Eich told authorities she used anesthetic to keep the unwitting patient knocked out while extracting the teeth.

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13. Man With Glock, Body Armor Wanted to ‘Wipe Out’ Jews: Cops

 ALARMING 

Police responded to a report of what they thought was an attempted robbery, but they discovered guns, drugs, and a genocidal manifesto.

14. Netflix Fires 3 Execs for Not Bitching About Bosses Publicly

 RADICAL TRANSPARENCY 

The marketing execs made comments on a Slack channel they thought was private—but Netflix demands employees have a radical degree of transparency.

15. Los Angeles Is Requiring Masks Be Worn Indoors Again

 HERE WE GO AGAIN 

New COVID-19 cases have topped 1,000 for three days running, breaching 1,500 Thursday.

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