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1. Ivanka Trump Is So Over Helping Out Embattled Dad: Report

  SO LONG, FAREWELL 

“Donald does what he wants,” a source told People.

POLITICS

2. Russia’s Fugitive Anti-War Dad Is Nabbed in Minsk

 DEPRESSING 

Alexei Moskalev had fled house arrest when he was sentenced to prison after his daughter made an anti-war drawing in school.

WORLD

How to Get RX Hair Loss Treatment Sans a Trip to the Doctor

 MANE ATTRACTION 

Happy Head allows you to speak to a dermatologist virtually, giving you extra-potent hair loss treatments shipped right to your door.

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3. White House Officials Line Up to Trash Negative Veep Story

 ‘PROTECTING EACH OTHER’ 

The administration appears to be running an intentionally aggressive play to back up its No. 2 amid a reshuffling among Biden’s senior-level staff.

POLITICS

4. Homicide Probe Launched After Migrant Center Fire Kills 39

 ‘SERIOUS CRIME’ 

Survivors of the blaze said dozens of people were locked in their cells as the flames spread.

WORLD

Spring Cleaning: This Top-Rated Water Flosser Is 40% Off

 TOP TIER CLEAN 

It’s gum-believable how good this deal is.

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5. ‘Jackass’ Star Margera Busted for Public Intoxication: TMZ

 LOCKED UP 

Cops were reportedly called to a disturbance at a Thai restaurant in California.

ENTERTAINMENT

6. Colombia Has $3.5M Plan to Get Rid of Pablo Escobar’s Hippos

 NOWHERE TO HIDE 

Four hippos escaped from the drug lord’s estate. Now there are 130.

WORLD

7. Autopsy Released for Exec in Alleged Drug-Fueled Sex Romp

 SAD END 

Two people tied to Nathan Millard’s death have been arrested, with a third person still wanted by police on charges of prostitution and failure to seek assistance.

U.S. NEWS

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8. Storied Texas Magazine Staves Off Certain Death

 FROM THE BRINK 

Staff and supporters raised more than $300,000 in just three days—forcing the nonprofit’s parent organization to rescind its layoffs and take back its plan to cease publication.

MEDIA

9. New Mexico DA Steps Down From ‘Rust’ Case

 SO LONG, PARDNER 

Mary Carmack-Altwies is stepping aside from prosecuting Alec Baldwin after a judge ruled she could not also appoint a special prosecutor in the case.

ENTERTAINMENT

10. Matt Gaetz Aide Served Time for War Crimes: Report

 ‘I SHOT HIM’ 

Derrick Miller, a legislative assistant to the Florida Republican, shot an Afghan civilian in the head and left his body in a latrine.

POLITICS

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11. Minnesota Train Carrying Ethanol Derails and Ignites

 YET AGAIN 

Early reports suggested that over a dozen railcars contained the flammable liquid.

U.S. NEWS

12. ‘Drag Race’ Producers Slam Anti-Drag Bills as ‘Un-American’

 DEATH DROP 

“Right now in Tennessee, I can get a gun and carry it around in public, but I can’t put on a fucking wig,” queen Trixie Mattel said this week.

ENTERTAINMENT

13. School Bus Full of Children Drives Past Dying Woman’s Body

 TRAUMATIZING 

Police have since deemed the death, which shocked the otherwise quiet Connecticut neighborhood, as ‘suspicious.’

U.S. NEWS

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