1.  Jailed Marine’s Dad: ‘Son of a Bitch’ Ted Cruz Did Zilch

 ‘SUCH AN ENEMY’ 

When the senator called Trevor Reed’s family to celebrate, Joey Reed said he replied, “Where have you been for the last two and a half years?”

POLITICS

2.  Teen Arrested as Accomplice in Mom’s Slaying of 3 Kids

  UNFATHOMABLE 

One report says the 16-year-old is believed to be the woman’s older son.

U.S. NEWS

Attacked by Bugs Every Summer? This Spray Can Help

  AD BY RANGER READY 

Ranger Ready is offering a two-pack with a Deet-free spray, so you can enjoy summer in peace.

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3.  Rockstar Nick Cave Confirms Another Son’s Shock Death

 MORE TRAGEDY 

Jethro Lazenby, a model, reportedly suffered from mental health issues. His death comes just seven years after Cave’s 15-year-old son fell off a cliff.

ENTERTAINMENT

4.  Former NBA Player Shot to Death at Orlando Home

 TERRIBLE 

The alleged shooter stayed at the scene and has been charged with first-degree murder.

U.S. NEWS

This Brightening Kit Replaced My Monthly Facial Appointments

 BRIGHTEN UP 

Tula’s two-piece brightening kit combats dullness, acne scars, enlarged pores, sagging skin, and fine lines without having to go to the derm.

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5.  Jacob Blake Pulls Lawsuit Against Cop Who Shot and Paralyzed Him

 CASE DISMISSED 

A judge granted Blake’s request to end the lawsuit over injuries he sustained when he was shot by a Kenosha cop in 2020.

6.  ‘Mobility Problems’ Prompt Queen to Skip Parliament Speech

 SENDING CHARLES INSTEAD 

The 96-year-old monarch has had to cancel numerous events amid health concerns.

WORLD

7.  Expert Says Ripley’s Gave Kim K FAKE Marilyn Monroe Hair

 BELIEVE IT OR NOT! 

One Monroe expert points to receipts from the evening that reveal a different stylist actually prepared Monroe before her “Happy Birthday” performance.

ENTERTAINMENT

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8.  Off-Duty Cop Kills Wife’s Suspected Lover in Murder-Suicide

 ‘WHOA’ 

The incident unfolded Sunday night when two cars collided outside a Buffalo Wild Wings. A witness said, “Then one guy jumps out, comes over here and starts shooting away.”

U.S. NEWS

9.  Putin’s Doomsday Jet Fails to Make a Victory Day Appearance

  NOT HERE 

The windowless Ilyushin Il-80 is reportedly capable of coordinating a nuclear war.

WORLD

10.  NYT Scrambles to Pull Extremely Timely Wordle Solution Word

 ROE V. WORDLE? 

The Gray Lady’s puzzle team admits it tried to expunge the word in a bid to remain “distinct from the news.”

U.S. NEWS

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11.  Metallica Welcomes Newest Fan After Woman Has Baby Mid-Show

 ENTER SANDBABY 

As Metallica began playing “Enter Sandman,” the woman realized her baby boy was also ready to enter the world.

ENTERTAINMENT

12.  Election Staff Resort to Bulletproof Vests Ahead of Midterms

 IT’S COME TO THIS? 

The state has become a focus for election-deniers and Stop the Steal rallies

POLITICS

13.  Cheaper Internet for Millions of Poor Americans Is Coming

 HOOKED UP 

Implementation of the Affordable Connectivity Program moves forward after dozens of providers sign up.

U.S. NEWS

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