1.  Judge Shoots Down Trump’s Attempt at Trial Delay in 9 Words

 HOW 'BOUT NO? 

Donald Trump isn’t getting extra time before potentially losing hundreds of millions during his trial next month.

POLITICS

2.  Trump Says He’d ‘Love to Debate’ Meghan Markle

  ‘LET’S SET IT UP’ 

The twice-impeached ex-president finally found a debate that he would actually attend.

MEDIA

These Bamboo Bed Sheets Are a Godsend for Hot Sleepers

  ZZZ 

These sustainable sheets feature 15-inch deep pockets suitable for any mattress size—so they actually stay put through the night.

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3.  Jailed Tycoon Manages to Get $4.5 Billion Richer

 LESSON NOT LEARNED 

Who says insider trading doesn’t pay?

WORLD

4.  Mitch McConnell Says He’s Going to Finish His Senate Term

 DAGNABBIT 

The Republican evaded the subject of retirement amid questions about his health, swearing to finish both his terms as a GOP leader and Kentucky senator.

POLITICS

Design Custom Furniture on a Budget With Inside Weather

 CUSTOMIZE IT 

Plus, you can select up to ten fabric swatches in a variety of colors to be sent to your home to see how the color fits in with your current home decor aesthetic.

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5.  WATCH: Video Shows How Murderer Escaped Pennsylvania Prison

 INTO THIN AIR 

An officer in a lookout tower failed to notice as Danelo Cavalcante “crab-walked up a wall” and escaped the prison, officials said.

U.S. NEWS

6.  Did Kanye West Just Crash a Random Italian Wedding?

 SPEAK NOW 

A viral TikTok video appears to show the rapper making nice with the bride and groom.

ENTERTAINMENT

7.  Nantucket Cops Find Guns, Prostitutes on Retired Doc’s Yacht

 SIN CITY 

Scott Burke, 69, now faces drug trafficking and weapons charges, authorities said.

U.S. NEWS

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8.  Soccer Star Files Sex Assault Complaint Over Kissing Fiasco

 KISS MY A** 

Luis Rubiales has been suspended as Spanish soccer president but refuses to resign.

ENTERTAINMENT

9.  Everything James O’Keefe Allegedly Blew Veritas’ Cash On

  HEY BIG SPENDER 

He even blew $600 in donors’ money on bottled water during one hotel stay, according to a draft copy of an internal audit.

U.S. NEWS

10.  Judge Blocks School Board From Enacting Anti-Trans Policy

 DENIED 

A judge in Southern California has blocked a right-wing school board from forcing teachers to “out” transgender students.

U.S. NEWS

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11.  Bill Gates Puts $100M on Bud Light After Transphobic Furore

 TO THE RESCUE 

While the company’s share value dropped 9 percent in six months, it has slightly risen since Bill Gates’ foundation trust invested.

U.S. NEWS

12.  Amazon’s Last-Chance Antitrust Meeting With FTC Breaks Down

 NOT BUDGING 

Amazon reportedly refused to agree to any changes, arguing that doing so would increase prices and shipping times for customers.

U.S. NEWS

13.  Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner Speak Out About Their Divorce

 ‘UNITED DECISION’ 

The couple released a statement amid feverish speculation about the cause of their split.

ENTERTAINMENT

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