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1. Lauren Boebert Appoints Herself Winner Despite Recount

  SAYS LITERALLY NOBODY 

“I am so proud to be your Representative!” Boebert claimed, ahead of the race heading to a recount.

POLITICS

2. GOP Strategist Found Guilty of Moving Russian Funds to Trump

 GET BENT 

Jesse Benton was pardoned by the former president in 2020 for a separate campaign finance crime, months before the indictment that would lead to his Thursday conviction.

POLITICS

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3. Alabama Cancels Another Execution Last-Minute Over IV Issues

 DEAD MAN WALKING 

Kenneth Eugene Smith was sentenced to death for his part in a murder-for-hire plot.

U.S. NEWS

4. Tom and Gisele Foundation Gave Under .1% of Their Worth Away

 FUMBLE 

The Luz Foundation handed out just $640,402 over 12 years, filings show.

U.S. NEWS

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5. R&B Singer B. Smyth Dies at 28

 ‘SAD NEWS’ 

The artist passed after a battle with pulmonary fibrosis.

ENTERTAINMENT

6. Musk Trolled With ‘Space Karen’ Message on Twitter HQ Wall

 ‘MEDIOCRE MANCHILD’ 

The projections come amid reports of a fresh exodus of workers from the embattled social media company, spurred by a “extremely hardcore” ultimatum.

TECH

7. Driver Released After Hitting 25 Law Enforcement Recruits

 FREED 

Nicholas Joseph Gutierrez, 22, was back on the streets Thursday night.

U.S. NEWS

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8. Foot Found in Yellowstone Hot Spring ID’d, Questions Remain

 GRIM 

The partial human remains floating in a shoe were fished out of the park’s Abyss Pool in August.

TRAVEL

9. Pipeline Sabotage Confirmed After Explosives Found

 BOMBSHELL 

Western and Russian officials have blamed each other for the attack on the Nord Stream pipelines.

WORLD

10. North Korea Launch ICBM Capable of Hitting U.S., Japan Says

 HEATING UP 

The missile landed just 130 miles off the Japanese coast.

WORLD

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11. Aussie Court Overturns Conviction in American Man’s Murder

 MAINTAINS INNOCENCE 

Scott White revoked his earlier guilty plea in the murder of U.S. mathematician Scott Johnson, claiming innocence.

WORLD

12. Biden Admin: MBS Should Get Immunity in Khashoggi Case

 SAY WHAT NOW? 

The administration has done a flip-flop on Saudi Arabia’s crown prince, now saying he should be protected.

U.S. NEWS

13. Flight Attendant Busted in Miami for Drug Trafficking: Cops

 UNBELIEVABLE 

He was allegedly caught at Miami International Airport with glass cosmetic bottles filled with drugs.

TRAVEL

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