1.  Marco Rubio Sighs Heavily as Trump Explains Gaza Plans

 🙄 

The secretary of state accompanied the president as he discussed his “development” plans with King Abdullah II of Jordan.

POLITICS

2.  Kendrick Lamar’s Drake-Centric Set Is Most-Watched Halftime Show Ever

 TOUCH DOWN 

It comes as Super Bowl LIX also earned record-high ratings.

MEDIA

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3.  Beyoncé Fans Melt Down Over Cowboy Carter Tour Presale

 HOLD YOUR HORSES 

Beyoncé fans took to X to complain about their struggle to obtain tickets.

OBSESSED

4.  Storm of Earthquakes Prompts Exodus From Greek Island

 SHAKEN TO THE CORE 

More than 13,000 of the 15,500 residents of Santorini have left after thousands of tremors.

WORLD

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5.  Bannon Avoids Jail Time in $25 Million Border Wall Fundraising Case

 WALL OF LIES 

As he left the court, Bannon told reporters he felt “like a million bucks.”

POLITICS

6.  Al Roker’s Ex-Wife Alice Bell Dies at 77

 REST IN PEACE 

The couple married in 1984 and split 10 years later.

MEDIA

7.  Facebook Co-Founder Launches an Angsty Substack

 SCHOOLED 

Chris Hughes claimed that Trump and his allies will “handicap government.”

POLITICS

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8.  New GOP Bill Would Let Trump Rename Greenland ‘Red, White and Blueland’

 PATRIOTIC 

Great news, folks.

POLITICS

9.  FEMA Workers Told to Flip a Coin to Determine Who Has to Return to Office

 DESK ROULETTE 

The agency does not have enough desks for all of the employees ordered back under Trump’s return-to-office edict.

POLITICS

10.  Two American Tourists Bitten by Sharks in the Bahamas

 VACATION FRIGHT 

The young women’s dream vacation turned into a nightmare when a shark attacked them.

TRAVEL

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11.  Trump Rants About New Weird Fixation: ‘SINKS, SHOWERS, TOILETS’

 MIND IN THE GUTTER 

In a wild rant, Trump blamed Joe Biden for the decline of American bathroom appliances.

POLITICS

12.  ‘Fox & Friends’ Co-Host and Chiefs Fan Doocy Forced to Wear Eagles Jersey

 FLY, DOOCY FLY 

The studio crew had Philadelphia’s fight song cued up for the humbling moment.

MEDIA

13.  Woody Allen Has Found an Actor to Defend Him—With His Own Unfortunate Past

 CANCELED CLUB 

Asked if he’d work with Allen, the actor said: “If I say no... then all I’m doing is saying, ‘I believe in this system that cancels people.’”

CULTURE

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