1. Nobel Winner: I Ignored ‘Spam’ Call From Prize Committee

  NOT IMPORTANT 

Dmitry Muratov said Friday morning’s big Peace Prize announcement took him by complete surprise.

2. Teachers Get Training After Mom Freaks Over Anti-Racist Book

 CLOSED BOOK 

Teachers in the Dallas area district will reportedly be asked get rid of books that “may be considered offensive” by parents.

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3. This Is the Foam Mattress Taking Europe by Storm

 AD BY EMMA 

Emma’s mattress conquered Europe and now? It’s coming for America.

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4. Idaho Says It’s Billing MyPillow Guy for Election Audits

 COUGH UP 

The state is counting up the costs and will send Lindell the bill in the next few weeks.

5. Hong Kong Uni Will Tear Down Harrowing Tiananmen Sculpture

 ‘PILLAR OF SHAME’ 

The statue, which depicts a twisted mass of bodies at the Beijing massacre, has stood on campus for over two decades.

6. Coffee With a Cause? Sign Me Up

 MORNING JOE 

BLK & Bold doesn’t just make great coffee, but its cause is one I can get behind, too.

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7. Empire State Building Will Light Up for 25 Years of Fox News

 FLICK THE SWITCH 

The NYC will reportedly be lit up red, white, and blue to mark the anniversary.

8. Florida Man Admits Threatening to Murder Chauvin’s Lawyer

 UNHINGED 

The man yelled in a voicemail: “You and your whole f*cking family are going to f*cking die!”

9. Man Survives Nine-Story Fall Into BMW, Asks ‘What Happened?’

 LUXURY LANDING 

Eyewitnesses said the New Jersey man tried to clamber out of the vehicle immediately.

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10. Repairs to Sinking SF High-Rise Actually Sank It Further

 FAWLTY TOWER 

“Some of the settlement and tilting that has occurred in recent months could have been avoided,” said the lead engineer.

11. Trumpy Cousins Arrested After Bragging About Insurrection

 CAUGHT IN THE ACT 

The pair were “hard to miss,” according to a member of the group of online sleuths that tracked the cousins down.

12. Teachers Get Training After Mom Freaks Over Anti-Racist Book

 CLOSED BOOK 

Teachers in the Dallas area district will reportedly be asked get rid of books that “may be considered offensive” by parents.

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13. Capitol Riot Committee Subpoenas ‘Stop the Steal’ Leader

 BACK TO THE CAPITOL 

Ali Alexander was an integral figure in the movement dedicated to overturning the results of the 2020 presidential election in Donald Trump’s favor.

14. U.S. Navy Sub Runs Into Unknown Obstacle in South China Sea

 UNIDENTIFIED FLOATING OBJECT 

The collision was severe enough to injure several sailors aboard the USS Connecticut.

15. Probe Underway After Georgia Trooper Filmed Stomping Suspect

 RED HANDED 

The unnamed trooper pulled the suspect over for not wearing a seatbelt, then pursued, tased, and twice stomped the man when he bolted, according to department officials.

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