1.  Pennsylvania Guv Unwittingly Admits He Violated Election Law

 OOPS 

The Democratic governor said his wife dropped off his ballot—despite state law only permitting the voter to do so.

2.  Flat-Earther With COVID Symptoms Dies After Denying Virus

  UNDER INVESTIGATION 

Two weeks ago, Mak Parhar said he was coughing and had chills but that it couldn’t be the coronavirus.

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3.  These House Shoes Are the Perfect-for-Everyone Gift

 AD BY TOPDRAWER 

Topdrawer’s house shoes are chic, comfy, and perfect for travel.

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4.  Haley Says, With Straight Face, Pols Should Show Tax Returns

 THE AUDACITY 

She said of President Biden: “Just like you have to show your tax returns, you should have some sort of health screening.”

5.  Uni of Florida Will Now Allow Profs to Testify Against State

 ABOUTFACE 

The decision came a week after the university had denied the professors’ request to serve as expert witnesses.

6.  Be Still My Cart—Nordstrom’s Black Friday Started Early

 EARLY BLACK FRIDAY! 

There’s no need to wait for pre-Thanksgiving deals to start—Nordstrom’s annual Black Friday sale has already begun.

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7.  Four Americans Injured in Wild Shooting at Cancun Resort

 CARTEL WARS 

One vacationer was hospitalized, reportedly after being wounded by a stray bullet.

8.  Rudy: Not My Job to Find Evidence for My Horsesh*t Claims

 IT KIND OF IS 

The Trump ally has admitted he doesn’t always carry out meticulous research before making wild accusations.

9.  Confederate License Plate Deemed Fair Game in Arbery Trial

 DENIED 

A photo of the flag on the truck involved in the fatal chase of the 25-year-old Black man will be discussed in the trial of the three white men charged with his murder.

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10.  ‘Tomb of the Unknowns’ Opens to Public—But Don’t Get Frisky

 PAY RESPECTS 

A 24-hour guard has stopped visitors from accessing the tomb since 1948 after it became a favored spot for night-time trysts.

11.  Pfizer: New COVID Pill Can Stop 9 Out of 10 Hospitalizations

  ‘REAL GAME-CHANGER’ 

The drug maker said its pill cut the risk of hospitalization or death by 89 percent.

12.  Rioter Freaks After Sentence: I’ve Been Jailed for Tweeting

 ‘TREATED LIKE CRAP’ 

Jenna Ryan, who said she’d never go to jail because she’s white, was actually jailed for her role in the Capitol riot.

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13.  New Jersey Council Member-Elect Doubles Down on Blackface

 WTF?! 

The 2015 photo, which remains posted on Vincent Kelly’s Facebook page, shows him dressed as rapper Flavor Flav.

14.  U.S. Nearly Triples Job Numbers to 531K Ahead of Holidays

 BACK TO WORK 

The unemployment rate also dropped from 4.8 percent to 4.6 percent.

15.  Morgue Electrician Murdered 2 Women, Raped Dozens of Corpses

 NAUSEATING 

English authorities said in court, “The extent and scale of his offending is likely to be unprecedented in this country.”

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