1.  Pilot Heard Yelling ‘Oh Sh*t!’ Before Fiery San Diego Crash

 FIREBALL 

“There is very little left of the aircraft,” Lakeside Fire Chief Don Butz said. “We weren’t able to find any survivors.”

2.  DA: Cuomo Allegations Are ‘Credible’ but We Can’t Charge Him

  CREEP CONFIRMED 

The Westchester County district attorney said “we cannot pursue criminal charges due to the statutory requirements of the criminal laws of New York.”

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3.  Snag a Treasure Trove of Free Gifts By Buying a New Handbag

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4.  Delta Passenger Charged With Assault Over In-Flight Slap

 SHOULD’VE JUST DRIVEN 

Patricia Cornwall was also placed on a no-fly list.

5.  Florida Women’s Leg Amputated After Pedicure From Hell

 OUCH 

The slipshod beauty work caused an infection, which led to the amputation.

6.  Save Up to 40% on adidas Gear With Its End-of-Year Sale

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There is no better way to end the year than a blow-out sale on premium apparel.

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7.  Crews Crack Open 2nd Time Capsule Found Beneath Lee Statue

 TIMELESS TREASURES 

They were delighted to find that the contents appear to correspond with an 1887 list of items.

8.  Rand Paul Fumes: Dems ‘Steal’ Elections by Persuading Voters

 IT’S NOT FAIR 

People quickly pointed out to the senator that persuading voters is quite a key part of democracy.

9.  Prince Andrew: Accuser Can’t Sue Because She Lives in Oz

 TRY TRY AGAIN 

His latest motion claims that Virginia Giuffre had an Australian driver’s license and was living in Perth with her family when she stepped forward with the suit.

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10.  Priests Are Helping NASA Sort Out How We’d Cope With Aliens

 HOWDY, NEIGHBOR 

The work examines the intersection of theology and astrobiology to research how Christian doctrines bear upon “perspective of life elsewhere in the universe.”

11.  Staff Say Top Plastic Surgeon Called Them ‘F*cking Morons’

  CREEP 

Dr. Ronald Bergman promises to help patients find their “beauty within.” But colleagues say working with him is an ugly nightmare.

12.  Cops: Man Guns Down Mom, Stepdad at Georgia Home

 TRAGIC 

The son has been charged with the double murder and endangering his sisters.

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13.  Infant Dies Weeks After Kentucky Tornado, Death Toll at 77

 DEVASTATING 

At least 12 children in the state were killed by the Dec. 10 storm.

14.  Lab Mistakenly Tells 100s With COVID They Don’t Have COVID

 WHOOPS 

The lab in Sydney, Australia, blamed the mistake on a “simple data processing error.”

15.  Alleged ‘Serpent DNA’ Child-Killer Feels ‘Hopeless’ in Jail

 POOR ME 

Matthew Taylor Coleman allegedly stabbed his two children to death with a spearfishing gun in August.

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