1.  Trump Aide Almost Faked an Emergency to End Putin Lovefest

 ‘MORTIFYING AND HUMILIATING’ 

Fiona Hill said she wanted to end the “terrible spectacle” she was witnessing.

2.  Reporter Gives Putin Hell on His Dead Political Opponents

  ‘WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF?’ 

“If all of your political opponents are dead, in prison, or poisoned, doesn’t that send a message that you do not want a fair political fight?” Rachel Scott asked Wednesday.

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3.  Want Straighter Teeth? Check Out These Clear Aligners

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You don’t have to settle for imperfect teeth anymore.

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4.  Delta Variant Now Makes Up 10 Percent of U.S. COVID Cases

 SPREADING FAST 

That’s up from 6 percent just last week.

5.  Man Who Killed MN Protester Wanted to Jump Barricade: Cops

 ‘EXTREME AND VIOLENT’ 

Nicholas D. Kraus, who was driving without a license, was charged with murder on Wednesday after plowing into a crowd of protesters over the weekend.

6.  Take Up to 50% Off Adidas Shoes and Clothing With This Sale

 ALL DAY I DREAM ABOUT SALES 

With gyms reopening, we all need some more workout clothes. Thankfully, Adidas has just the thing.

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7.  Meghan Will Not Return to U.K. for Diana Statue Unveiling

 HOME AND AWAY 

A source close to the Sussexes told the Mirror: “Meghan is not going to travel. She has just had a baby, and Harry will travel alone.”

8.  Finance Exec and GF Won’t Leave Hampton Mansion, Owner Sues

 I AM THE OWNER NOW 

A lawsuit claims the house has suffered from the couple’s lavish parties, with property appraisers describing it as a mess.

9.  Biden Gifts Putin Matching Aviators

 TWINSIES! 

On Wednesday, President Joe Biden presented Putin with a crystal sculpture of an American bison—and a pair of matching shades to boot.

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10.  Coca-Cola Loses $4B in Value After Ronaldo Utters One Word

 GOING FLAT 

Coca-Cola released a statement following the incident, saying that everyone is entitled to their drink preferences.

11.  COVID Derails Maiden Voyage of Royal Caribbean Megaship

  NONE ABOARD! 

All 1,400 crew members are being quarantined after eight people contracted COVID-19.

12.  Woman Steals Car With Baby—Then Offers Kid to Stranger: PD

 GRAND THEFT CHILD 

The woman was arrested Monday and charged with vehicle theft, kidnapping, and child endangerment.

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13.  Vancouver Xenophobes Freak Out Over Shark Boy Sculpture

 ‘MONSTROSITY’ 

Neighbors say the tall public art installation will be an eyesore and want to know why a Canadian artist wasn’t chosen.

14.  Man Who Rubbed Ham on Quran at Mosque Gets No Jail Time

 SAY YOU’RE SORRY 

But Dustin Arterburn, who allegedly was armed, does need to write apology notes.

15.  TX Cop Sexually Assaulted Girl Who Came to Him for Help: PD

 BROKEN TRUST 

The officer is friends with the girl’s parents, police said.

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