1.  Trump Begs Federal Judge Not to Give Congress His Taxes

 KEEP ’EM SECRET 

In a court filing Wednesday, the former president’s lawyers also asked the court to end the House Ways and Means Committee’s investigation into him.

2.  TX Guv Angry After Judge Blocks Order to Pull Over Migrants

  U MAD? 

The judge said the order could actually exacerbate the spread of COVID-19.

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3.  If Mask Mandates Happen Again, Get One You Actually Like

 BEST OF THE BUNCH 

Not only does this mask have adjustable ear loops and a pocket for a filter, VIDA also partners with artists on unique prints and patterns.

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4.  Pro Skater Accused of Beating Friend to Death in Motel

 WHEELS OF JUSTICE 

Terry Kennedy, who has worked with Snoop Dogg and Bam Margera, is accused of beating a friend to death last week in a suburban motel.

5.  Carnival Worker Killed Fairgoer During Fight Over Kid: Docs

 ‘GO TO SLEEP B*TCH’ 

Zachariah Konkle was working at the fair when a family came up to him complaining about someone making fun of their special needs child.

6.  This Little Press Made My Hamburgers So Much Better

 BURGER OF THE DAY 

As opposed to just smushing burgers with your hands, this press helps me make a consistent burger every single time.

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7.  Aniston: I’ve Lost a ‘Few’ Anti-Vaxxers in My ‘Routine’

 ‘A REAL SHAME’ 

“A lot of opinions don’t feel based in anything except fear or propaganda,” the actor said.

8.  Pentagon Police ID Cop Stabbed in Neck by Marine Dropout

 TRAGEDY 

Adam William Lanz ran at Officer George Gonzalez and stabbed him in the neck before being fatally shot, according to police.

9.  State Dept. Lost $5,800 Whiskey Bottle Gifted to Pompeo

 LOST TREASURE 

The former secretary of state said in a statement that he didn’t even remember the whiskey bottle.

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10.  Arkansas Governor Regrets Law Banning Mask Mandates

 YOU DON’T SAY 

Arkansas recorded its highest daily increase in hospitalizations since the start of the pandemic on Monday.

11.  Maine School Board Member Won’t Leave Over Anti-Gay Comments

  NOT BUDGING 

William Shepard was shocked that more than 150 residents found his comments disgusting.

12.  Amanda Knox Is Pregnant a Month After Revealing Miscarriage

 ‘YAY!’ 

Knox made the announcement at the end of the latest episode of her podcast.

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13.  Indiana Mom Chopped Up Hubby, Forced Kids to Help: Cops

 GRUESOME 

Thessalonica Allen claimed to police that her husband choked and attacked her before she fatally shot him.

14.  Man Who Stormed Capitol in George Washington Costume Charged

 COLONIAL CONFESSIONAL 

Isaac Yoder, the owner of a locksmith business in Missouri, is said to have admitted his role in the Jan. 6 siege during an interview with FBI agents.

15.  Grammy Awards Will Require Producers to Make Diverse Hires

 MOVING FORWARD 

Producers’ contracts will now have an “inclusion rider” to foster diversity at the ceremony.

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