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1. Trump: I Was Too Busy Averting ‘Holocaust’ to Commit Fraud
NOVEL DEFENSE
He said under oath that “saving millions of lives” meant he didn’t have time for his company.
U.S. NEWS
2. Deadly Shroom Chef’s Ex Reveals Last Message From Dying Mom
TRAGIC
Simon Patterson became emotional as he spoke at a public memorial to his parents.
WORLD
Breaking: Allbirds Dropped Its Labor Day Sale Early
SNEAKER SALE
Take 50% off best-selling styles for men and women that never get discounted.
The truth is a Beast. Are you?
Get unlimited access to the Beast's fearless reporting.
3. Rahm Emanuel Sticks It to China With Japan Seafood Photo-Op
ON A ROLL
The diplomat ate slices of fish at a local restaurant after Beijing banned all Japanese seafood.
4. Taylor Swift’s Eras Tour: The Movie Is Hitting Theaters
BIG SCREEN
Opening night, Oct. 13th, is already practically sold out in New York.
ENTERTAINMENT
Marlow Pillow Is Having an End-of-Summer Sale
PILLOW TALK
Don’t sleep on this sale; Marlow Pillow is ending summer with their buy-more, save-more promotion.
5. Man Pulled Over With Giant Live Bull Riding Shotgun
‘VERY WELL BEHAVED’
The bull, named Howdy Doody, appeared to be almost half as big as the car.
6. Dog Turns Up 2 Months After Disappearing With Missing Banker
‘SO CONFUSED’
Korhan Berzeg and his pet disappeared in June. The dog returned home unharmed 72 days later.
7. Student’s Death in Wrong House Entry Deemed ‘Justifiable’
‘HEARTBREAKING’
Nicholas Donofrio, 20, was gunned down as he tried to get into what he thought was his own home, authorities say.
8. Martha Stewart Claps Back at Her Iceberg Cocktail Haters
SHOOK UP
She doubled down on her use of actual icebergs to cool drinks.
9. Johannesburg Fire Leaves 73+ Dead, Scores Injured
DISASTER
The blaze broke out in a five-story building used by homeless people, authorities say.
10. Marvel Assistant Director Dies of Heart Complications at 52
‘BELOVED MEMBER’
Jamie Christopher, who also had a hand in the “Harry Potter” and “Star Wars” franchises, died on Tuesday in Los Angeles.
11. Six People Shot, Wounded, in Illinois Mass Shooting: Report
NOT ANOTHER
Immediate details on the incident were slim but the shooting occurred at approximately 9:00 p.m. Wednesday night, according to authorities.
12. Nebraska Guv Defines ‘Male,’ ‘Female’ in New Executive Order
‘IGNORANT’
The measure would narrow the definition of “male” and “female” under state law to only include biological sex.
POLITICS
13. Biden Admin Recommends Biggest Drug Policy Change in Decades
HIGH TIMES
Marijuana is currently scheduled as a Schedule I drug—putting it on par with heroin.
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