1. Trump Issues Three Furious Late-Night Statements in 77 Mins

  U OK? 

The former president vented his anger at George W. Bush, the media, and Sens. Mike Lee and Lindsey Graham.

2. Michael Flynn Fears There’s Vaccine in His Salad Dressing

 ‘BIZARRO WORLD’ 

There is ongoing research into edible vaccines, but Flynn doesn’t have to worry about his side-salad right now.

The facts of the matter. 24/7.

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3. Get Two State-of-the-Art Oculus Headsets With This BOGO Deal

 AD BY OCULUS 

Step into a new world of entertainment experiences with an Oculus Quest 2 VR headset.

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4. Havana Syndrome Diplomat Out After ‘Mass Hysteria’ Comments

 MYSTERY GOES ON 

Ambassador Pamela Spratlen refused to rule out that the syndrome could be a psychogenic illness.

5. ‘No Time to Die’ Director: Connery’s Bond Basically a Rapist

 ‘WOULDN’T FLY TODAY’ 

Cary Fukunaga recalled a scene when Bond blackmails a woman into having sex with him.

6. Now Is the Perfect Time to Buy an Emergency Survival Bag

 BETTER SAFE THAN SORRY 

The current coronavirus pandemic is another good example of a reason to have an emergency survival bag at the ready.

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7. Video: Giant Moon Model Breaks Free, Rolls Down China Street

 WE HAVE A PROBLEM 

Workers can be seen desperately chasing the balloon as it trundles away from them.

8. COVID Vax Required for Team USA in 2022 Beijing Olympics

 ‘FAR FROM OVER’ 

Athletes hoping to qualify for the Games will also be required to get inoculated.

9. Ex-Defense Secretary Mattis: Elizabeth Holmes Duped Me, Too

 SUCKERED 

The former defense secretary invested $85,000 in the disgraced blood testing company when he joined its board and began advocating for the military to use its tech.

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10. Facebook Promotes Exec Who Wrote ‘Maybe Someone Dies’ Memo

 MARK’S RIGHT HAND 

Mike Shroepfer will step down in 2022, and Andrew Bosworth will take his place.

11. Student Who ‘Liked to Kill’ Arrested With Huge Arsenal

 THREATENING 

Police said they found three guns, a bulletproof vest, and loaded magazines in Robert Killis’ Chevy Silverado after he threatened students and faculty.

12. DHS Wants to Open a Migrant Facility at Guantanamo Bay

 SOUNDS FAMILIAR 

The agency is looking for a private contractor to run a holding center at Guantanamo Bay and guards who speak Haitian Creole.

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13. Boris Johnson Tells U.N.: Go Green Like Kermit the Frog

 HER MAJESTY’S ROYAL MUPPET 

Johnson also joked he would change his name to “Boreas,” the Greek god of wind, to show his support for renewable energy.

14. Godfather of Black Cinema Melvin Van Peebles Dies at 89

 R.I.P. 

Van Peebles’ “Sweet Sweetback’s Baadassss Song” ushered in a new era of Black American cinema.

15. Massacre Suspect Told Dad He ‘Snapped, Shot a Couple People’

 IN AN INSTANT 

Antoine Suggs is charged with four counts of second-degree intentional murder.

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