1.  Trump Pens SIX Posts Insisting He’s ‘Not at All Angry’

 EVERYTHING’S FINE 

He’s totally calm, he says between outbursts, and “looking into the future.”

POLITICS

2.  Elon Sends ‘Dire’ 2:30 A.M. Email to Remaining Twitter Staff

  BIRD BOXED 

All employees will be expected to be in the office for a minimum of 40 hours a week effective immediately, he wrote.

TECH

I Put Mr. Clean’s Magic Eraser to the Test—It Passed

  CLEAN AS A WHISTLE 

Despite my first impression, this magic eraser has become my new favorite cleaning tool out there.

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3.  Alex Jones Must Cough Up Another $473M for Sandy Hook Fams

 IN OVER HIS HEAD 

The InfoWars host was ordered to pay $965 million in compensatory damages by a jury last month.

U.S. NEWS

4.  Boebert Brags She’s ‘Winning!’ as She Grabs a Small Lead

 NOT QUITE... 

She was supposed to cruise to re-election but Boebert is instead in the fight of her political life against Democratic challenger Adam Frisch.

POLITICS

The ChomChom Pet Hair Remover Is the Savior of Couches

 FORGET FUR 

The ChomChom Pet Hair Remover is a pet owner’s best friend.

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5.  Mayor Running for Re-Election Dies in Election Day Car Crash

 TRAGIC 

Velma Hendrix, 84, died after the car she was traveling in failed to yield at an intersection, police said.

POLITICS

6.  MTG’s Super Serious Election Tweet Backfires, Goes Viral

 LAME DUCK 

The MAGA lawmaker’s message about the midterms was unintentionally hilarious.

POLITICS

7.  Space Shuttle Wreckage Found Decades Later on Ocean Floor

 BURIED HISTORY 

Challenger was infamously destroyed over a minute after takeoff in 1986, killing all seven on board.

INNOVATION

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8.  Biden and Xi to Have ‘Candid’ Convo at 1st In-Person Meeting

 FACE-TO-FACE 

The two leaders are meeting privately at the Group 20 summit in Bali, Indonesia.

POLITICS

9.  Former Playboy Model Takes Plea Deal in Psychiatrist Murder

  NOT A MODEL CITIZEN 

Kelsey Turner faces 10 to 25 years for the killing of Thomas Burchard, but she does not admit guilt under the Alford plea.

U.S. NEWS

10.  Paul Ryan Blames ‘Trump Hangover’ for Lackluster Midterms

 OUCH 

The former House speaker said he thinks Trump is a “drag on our ticket.”

POLITICS

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11.  Rainn Wilson’s New Middle Name Is ‘Heat Wave Extreme Winter’

 JUST CALL ME RAINNFALL 

“The Office” star unofficially changed his name as what he called a “cheap little stunt” to call attention to climate change.

ENTERTAINMENT

12.  Italian Food Blogger Jailed in Iran Is Released

 TASTE OF FREEDOM 

The 30-year-old had been taken into custody during a protest in late September.

WORLD

13.  New York Post Plunges the Knife Into Trump After Midterms

 ‘TOXIC’ 

The paper backed him in 2020. Now it considers him “the most profound vote repellant in modern American history."

MEDIA

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