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1. Trump Team Scheming to Devalue Dollar if He Wins: Report
DOLLAR DOWN
It’s an aggressive move designed to reduce the trade deficit—but risks losing the dollar’s coveted status as world reserve currency.
POLITICS
2. Bollywood Star’s Home Shot Up Over 1998 Killing of Antelopes
BANG FOR THE BUCK
Two suspects in the attack reportedly belong to a gang from a religious sect for which the animals hold a special significance.
WORLD
Michelin-Star Chefs Are Obsessed With This Algae Cooking Oil
SUSTAINABLE COOKING
Chef Daniel Humm has named it one of the products he can’t live without.
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3. Space Junk Crashed Into Florida Home, NASA Says
WHOOPS
“The hardware was expected to fully burn up during entry through Earth’s atmosphere on March 8, 2024.”
U.S. NEWS
4. Alarms Went Off on Ship Hours Before Bridge Crash: Report
WARNING SIGNS
The Dali had not even left port when the alarms were triggered.
These CBN Gummies Are Formulated to Help You *Stay* Asleep
“TOMORROW STARTS TONIGHT”
According to a recent study, when CBN is taken without CBD, it may help you sleep through the night and experience fewer disturbances.
5. DOJ Gears Up to Bring Ticketmaster Antitrust Lawsuit: Report
STAGE IS SET
The case could be filed as early as May.
6. GOP Event Cut Off Rob Schenider’s Bad Stand-Up: Report
COMEDY BITES
The Adam Sandler-adjacent comedian was booted offstage ten minutes into a set that was reportedly so “gross and vulgar” that it prompted a junior senator to walk out.
ENTERTAINMENT
7. Caitlin Clark Finally Learns Which WNBA Team She’ll Join
‘TRYING TO SOAK IT IN’
“I got a little anxious there before the pick,” Clark said after the announcement.
8. NY Philharmonic Benches Musicians Amid Sex Assault Scandal
‘STRONG FEELINGS’
Matthew Muckey and Liang Wang were fired by the orchestra in 2018 after a female musician accused them of sexual misconduct. They were reinstated two years later.
ARTS AND CULTURE
9. Clarence Thomas Mysteriously Absent From SCOTUS Arguments
WHERE OH WHERE
The court declined to give a reason for the absence but said Thomas would “participate fully” in the cases through briefs and transcripts.
10. Prince Harry Loses Initial Bid to Appeal Security Ruling
SAFETY CATCH
Despite the ruling, Harry plans to fight on.
11. Apple Loses Top Global Phone Maker Spot as Samsung Returns
FALLEN CHAMP
Slowing iPhone shipments helped Samsung regain supremacy.
TECH
12. Courtney Love Majorly Disses Taylor Swift
‘NOT IMPORTANT’
The former “Hole” singer took shots at Swift, as well as Lana Del Rey and Madonna, in a new interview with The Standard.
13. Johnny Depp Eyes Historic $4M Italian Castle: Report
A MAN’S HOME…
The mayor of the tiny town the castle overlooks said that he wasn’t sure if a celebrity buying it “would be the right ‘economic synergy’ for the community.”
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