1.  Trump to Pence: We’re Not Friends Unless You Overturn Vote

 MEAN GIRLS  

The then-president also reportedly tried to convince his vice president to reject the vote by arguing it would make him “cool,” according to excerpts from a new book.

2.  Elizabeth Holmes’ Father-in-Law Went Undercover at Trial

  WHAT A WEIRDO 

The hotel kingpin told reporters he was a car mechanic named “Hanson” and said the Theranos CEO was misunderstood.

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3.  Buy One, Get One 50% Off at Adidas, This Week Only

 ALL DAY I DREAM ABOUT SALES 

With gyms reopening, we all need some more workout clothes. Thankfully, Adidas has just the thing.

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4.  GOP Sen. Absurdly Demands Identity of Biden’s ‘Censorer’

 FANTASYLAND 

“Look, we’ve all seen this,” Risch insisted while questioning Secretary of State Antony Blinken on Afghanistan. “We saw it as recently as yesterday.”

5.  Cops Behind George Floyd Murder Throw Chauvin Under Bus

 ALL TOGETHER NOW 

Thomas Lane, J. Alexander Kueng, and Tou Thao joined the convicted murderer in pleading not guilty to violating the Black man’s civil rights. Then they tried to ditch him.

6.  If Mask Mandates Happen Again, Get One You Actually Like

 BEST OF THE BUNCH 

Not only does this mask have adjustable ear loops and a pocket for a filter, VIDA also partners with artists on unique prints and patterns.

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7.  Nurse Admits She Threatened to Kill VP Harris for $53,000

 UNHINGED 

In a series of unhinged video messages sent to her husband in prison, she claimed she would carry out the hit in 50 days.

8.  Fires Close Sequoia National Park as Residents Told to Flee

 GTFO! 

The KNP Complex Fire now totals about 3,024 acres.

9.  Prosecutor Asks Judge to Charge Haiti PM in Assassination

 HUGE SCALP 

“There are enough compromising elements... to prosecute Henry and ask for his outright indictment,” wrote chief prosecutor Bed-Ford Claude.

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10.  Trump Advisers Admitted ‘Critical Mistakes’ in Pandemic Prep

 ‘TOTALLY UNDER CONTROL’ 

Even as the then-president boasted of his “pretty amazing” response to the pandemic, his advisers were scrambling behind the scenes.

11.  Backpage Kingpins Get Mistrial Over Trafficking Testimony

  NO ‘INTENTIONAL MISCONDUCT’ 

Prosecutors made too many references to child sex trafficking in a case where no one stood accused of that charge, U.S. District Judge Susan Brnovich ruled.

12.  Chokeholds, ‘No-Knock’ Entries Banned for Federal Cops

 RESTRAIN YOURSELVES 

Federal law enforcement officers are now prohibited from using “chokeholds” and “cartoid restraints” in almost all circumstances, according to a new department-wide policy.

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13.  Reputed Colombo Crime Family Boss Among 12 Nabbed in NYC

 BUSTED 

The arrests were made over allegations of health care fraud and union-related corruption, according to a report.

14.  San Francisco Train Fatally Drags Woman Tethered to Her Dog

 FREAK ACCIDENT 

The dog remained inside the train and was uninjured, officials said.

15.  Biden Admin Uses Israel Data on Vax to Push Boosters: Report

 BOOSTER OR BUST?  

The data from Israel, set to be made public this week, shows the Pfizer vaccine’s efficacy is decreasing.

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