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1. Trump Trolls Colombian President by Suggesting He Made Him ‘Lose His Mind’

 MASTER AND APPRENTICE  

President Donald Trump has declared victory over his South American counterpart, and his fans reckon the MAGA boss has sent Gustavo Petro’s head into a spin.

POLITICS

2. Pope Francis Says Too Much Online Scrolling Causes ‘Brain Rot’

 THE HOLY POST 

The pontiff invoked a phrase that the Oxford Dictionary chose as its word of the year for 2024.

WORLD

This Massage Oil Kit Will Get You in the Mood This V-Day

 IN THE MOOD FOR LOVE 

The intimacy-enhancing kit contains arousing botanical oils to help boost blood flow, reduce muscle tension, and support lubrication for better sex.

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3. Duck DNA Detected in Engines of Crashed Passenger Plane

 SEARCHING FOR ANSWERS 

Investigators have not yet confirmed the cause of the disaster which was survived by just two of the 181 people on board.

WORLD

4. Spectator Killed After Athlete’s Hammer Throw Hit Him

 TRAGIC 

A father in Colorado was hit by a heavy metal ball which went out of bounds.

U.S. NEWS

These Mushroom-Infused Gummies Support Focus and Relaxation

 STAY GROUNDED 

Get the powerful health benefits of functional mushrooms without the bitter taste.

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5. Baby Shark’s Birth in All-Female Tank Stuns Aquarium Staff

 JAWS-DROPPING 

They’re now working to unravel the mystery of how the swell shark—named Yoko—came into existence.

U.S. NEWS

6. Thieves Blast Into Museum in Explosive Ancient Artifact Heist

 WITH A BANG 

The suspects made off with several gold treasures in the raid which left staff “intensely shocked.”

WORLD

7. Putin Ally Lukashenko Brags After Being Re-Elected With 87% in Sham Vote

 NOT 99%? 

“Everyone has the right to choose,” Lukashenko said of his political opponents, who he said could go to prison or flee.

WORLD

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8. Musk’s Trump Endorsement Could Backfire as Tesla Sales Set to Stagnate

 ELECTRIC SHOCK 

President Trump’s anti-green policies could damage one of Musk’s most valuable businesses.

U.S. NEWS

9. Colombian Prez Gives Trump a Taste of His Own Medicine in Long, Bizarre Rant

 POPPING OFF 

Gustavo Petro took to X to air his grievances amid a standoff with Donald Trump.

POLITICS

10. Here’s Who Will Face Off in Super Bowl LIX

 REMATCH 

Kansas City hopes to become the first team to win three back-to-back Super Bowls in a matchup against Philadelphia—a repeat of Super Bowl LVII.

U.S. NEWS

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11. Trump’s New Hollywood Pal Mel Gibson Wins This Week’s Box Office Battle

 SOARIN’ 

Mel Gibson’s latest directorial effort earned its fair share at the box office—but it hasn’t captured critics’ hearts.

OBSESSED

12. Guv Issues Warning to Trump: I’m Ready to ‘Stand in the Way’

 BRING IT ON 

Illinois Governor J.B. Pritzker said he would do all he could to stop federal authorities trying to round up undocumented immigrants illegally.

POLITICS

13. How Miley Cyrus Dealt With Dad’s Nightmare Inauguration Performance

 LEAVE ME OUT OF IT 

The pop star’s brother, Trace, claimed their dad threatened legal action after he expressed concern over his performance at an inaugural ball.

OBSESSED

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