1. U.S. Reports Staggering One Million COVID Cases in One Day

  BE CAREFUL OUT THERE 

It blasts past the previous high of around 590,000 that was set in the U.S. last week.

2. Crenshaw to Marjorie Taylor Greene: You Might Be ‘an Idiot’

 BLOOD FEUD 

The Texas lawmaker hit back at Greene after she accused him of “hurting our brand” on Instagram.

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3. Snag a Treasure Trove of Free Gifts By Buying a New Handbag

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You splurged on gifts for everyone else; now it’s time to treat yourself.

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4. Snowstorm Traps Hundreds in Cars All Night on Interstate 95

 ‘PRETTY INSANE’ 

The hundreds included Sen. Tim Kaine, who said he’s been trapped in his car for 19 hours.

5. Nirvana ‘Nevermind’ Baby Lawsuit Gets Tossed

 REJECTED 

A judge dismissed the case Monday after lawyers for the plaintiff failed to respond on time to a bid to throw the case out.

6. This Meal Kit Costs Less Than Shopping at the Grocery Store

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7. Anti-Vaxxer Djokovic Gets ‘Exemption’ to Play Australia Open

 BUT I’M SPECIAL 

The tournament’s vaccine mandate apparently doesn’t apply to the world No. 1.

8. Tesla Opens New Store in China’s Genocide Epicenter Xinjiang

 ‘TESLA HEARTS XINJIANG’ 

Human rights groups have told Tesla that the new showroom has to close immediately.

9. Trump Joins Marjorie Taylor Greene’s Twitter Ban Pity Party

 ‘HATED BY EVERYONE’ 

The ex-president empathized with Greene after she was thrown off the social network.

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10. Bannon Bashes Kevin McCarthy Over Not Celebrating Jan. 6

 'GET FOCUSED' 

The former Trump strategist also said the GOP House leader was “just sitting there as controlled opposition.”

11. Tristan Thompson Apologizes to Khloé After Paternity Test

 ‘HEARTACHE’ 

The NBA player had been dating Khloé Kardashian at the time the baby boy was conceived with another woman.

12. Davie Bowie Estate Sells Off Songwriting Catalog to Warner

 THE MAN WHO SOLD THE WORLD 

The deal, encompassing more than 400 songs written between 1967 and 2016, is worth an estimated $250 million.

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13. GOP Rep. Loses Bid to Get Charges for Lying to FBI Dropped

 PANTS ON FIRE 

Rep. Jeff Fortenberry was indicted last year for allegedly lying about a scheme to funnel an illegal $30,000 foreign donation to his campaign.

14. PBR Apologizes for Dry January Tweets About Eating A**

 ‘ASK YOUR MOM’ 

One can almost hear the sound of an intern getting fired.

15. Fox News Host Admits He Wants to See ‘Disarray on the Left’

 'GOOD FOR OUR RATINGS'  

Jesse Watters also said the “disarray” would be “good for America.”

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