1. Colonial Will Decide Today if It’s Safe to Fire Up Pipeline

  HIT THE GAS 

The Biden administration has reportedly admonished the main East Coast fuel supplier for its failure to of prepare for such an attack.

2. Kinzinger to Gaetz: Stay Away From Tweets About ‘Aging Well’

 ZINGER BY NAME 

Rep. Adam Kinzinger delivered an absolutely brutal response to his embattled Republican colleague.

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3. This Skin-Safe Tick and Mosquito Spray Works for 12 Hours

 BUG OFF! 

Mosquitoes, ticks, and other small creatures you’d be happy to never encounter again in your life really hate picaridin and will fly or scurry away from it.

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4. Man and Woman Brawl Over Line-Cutting at N.C. Gas Station

 END TIMES 

A pipeline shutdown in the Southeast has caused long lines at the pump—and even a physical fight over line etiquette.

5. Judge Rips Defendant With ‘Buttf*cker 3000’ Court Zoom Name

 ‘YOU YOHO!’ 

The defendant initially said he had no idea how he got the obscene username, but then said it had something to do with his Bluetooth speaker.

6. I’ll Be Wearing Dress (With Shorts Built-In) All Summer

 ALL DRESSED UP 

I got the chance to test three dresses from Outdoor Voices, Aerie, and Girlfriend Collective but the Exercise Dress from Outdoor Voices was my favorite.

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7. Floyd Protester: My Cop Uncle Told Colleague to Fire at Me

 ‘MY OWN UNCLE’ 

Asim Jamal Shakir Jr. alleges that his LAPD officer uncle ordered one of his colleagues to fire a “less-than-lethal” rifle round at him.

8. 100+ Republicans Threaten New Party to End Trump Death Grip

 SINKING SHIP 

Miles Taylor, the ex Homeland Security official who penned the notorious “Anonymous” op-ed in Times, is reported to be one of the organizers.

9. Caitlyn Jenner’s Claim That She Didn’t Vote in 2020 Is False

 EASILY DISPROVED 

The long-shot Republican gubernatorial candidate made the baffling comment in an interview with CNN. Politico reports that records show she did vote.

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10. Sheriff: Cheerleader Stabbed a ‘Horrific’ Number of Times

 ‘NOT AN ACCIDENT’ 

He says the murder of Tristyn Bailey, allegedly by a 14-year-old boy, was “cold-blooded.”

11. ‘Driver’ Busted Again for Sitting in Back Seat of Tesla

 OFFENSIVE DRIVING 

It’s illegal in California to put a car on autopilot without someone in the driver’s seat.

12. Woman Cops to Robbing Bank for Plastic Surgery Cash

 ICONIC FACCE 

Iconic Facce fled to Mexico with her ill-gotten gains to get work done, but authorities arrested her when she re-entered the country.

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13. Teen Cops to Murder in Fatal Carjacking of Uber Eats Driver

 TRAGIC 

The girl and an alleged 13-year-old accomplice used stun guns against Mohammad Anwar and left him hanging out of the vehicle as it crashed.

14. Anti-Masker Booted Off School Board Crashes Meeting—Maskless

 BACK ON HER BULLSH*T 

Police were called but Katie Sinsel left before she could be charged—again.

15. Trump Revives War on Windmills With Crazy Old Man Statement

 THE HORROR 

The 45th wants everyone to be horrified by the Biden administration approving an “extraordinarily large wind farm.”

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