1. Cops Reportedly Warn House Dems of Plot to Assassinate Them

  ACTIVE THREAT 

In a late Monday briefing, lawmakers were reportedly told of a violent plan to encircle the Capitol to block Democrats and non-Trumpist Republicans from entering the building.

2. Dem Tests Positive After Taking Shelter With Maskless GOPers

 ‘WEAR A DAMN MASK’ 

In a furious statement, Rep. Pramila Jayapal (D-WA) accused Republicans of “creating a superspreader event on top of a domestic terrorist attack.”

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3. This Cloth Makes Ring Stains on Wood Disappear

 I WOOD IF I COULD 

Whether you respect wood or you don’t, these wipes may keep your wooden furniture stain-free.

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4. Trump Blames ‘Antifa People’ for Capitol Riot: Report

 CONSPIRACIST-IN-CHIEF 

Despite clear evidence to the contrary, the president says “antifa” was responsible for the attack he incited, Axios reports.

5. Disneyland Will Be Site of California Mega Vaccination Hub

 BE OUR GUEST 

The “Happiest Place on Earth” will be the first of five planned vaccinates centers in Orange County, where thousands of residents will be able to get their shots every day.

6. Yes, This Mask Really Lets You Drink Without Taking It Off

 TAKE A BIG SIP 

Thanks to the unique and innovative design of this mask, you can sip through straws with ease.

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7. Anna Wintour: We Understand the Bad Reaction to Kamala Cover

 ‘HEARD AND UNDERSTOOD’ 

The cover was ridiculed for its overly casual look and bad lighting—and it was reportedly not the cover Harris’ team agreed to.

8. Twitter Deletes 70,000+ QAnon Accounts in Post-Trump Cleanup

 EVEN MORE ANON 

Some right-wing figures have complained the company’s tougher stance has resulted in them losing thousands of followers.

9. Deutsche Bank, Trump’s Biggest Lender, Is Done With Him: NYT

 WHERE IT HURTS 

Deutsche is, by far, Trump’s most important lender—and he owes it over $300 million in loans that are due in the next few years.

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10. ‘QAnon Shaman’ Won’t Eat in Jail—Because Grub Isn’t Organic

 VITAMIN Q 

“He gets very sick if he doesn’t eat organic food,” Jake Angeli’s mom told reporters following his first court hearing after being arrested for storming the Capitol grounds.

11. CNN and MSNBC Both Beat Fox News for First Time Since 2000

 HISTORY 

Cable news viewers flocked to CNN and MSNBC following the Capitol riot, resulting in Fox News to finish third across the board for three straight days.

12. Patriots’ Belichick Turns Down Trump Medal of Freedom Offer

 ‘DECISION HAS BEEN MADE’  

“The tragic events of last week occurred and the decision has been made not to move forward with the award,” Belichick wrote in a statement.

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13. Michigan Bans Open Carry in State Capitol After D.C. Riot

 PLAYING IT SAFER 

Naturally, gun-rights advocates are already looking for loopholes.

14. FL Officials Search for Person Who Carved ‘Trump’ on Manatee

 SICK 

The manatee was found in the Homosassa River, located on Florida’s west coast.

15. Acting DHS Sec Steps Down After Trump Pulls His Nomination

 WHERE, WOLF? 

“This action is warranted by recent events, including the ongoing and meritless court rulings against my authority as Acting Secretary,” Wolf wrote in a statement.

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