1.  Cornyn to Join Biden in Houston as Cruz Yuks It Up at CPAC

 OBVIOUS CHOICE 

Biden was expected to meet with state and local officials in Houston on Friday as the state recovers from a devastating winter storm.

2.  Golden Statue of Donald Trump Unveiled at Hellish CPAC Meet

  POLISHING A TURD 

In the video, Trump fans can be heard in the background incorrectly describing the eyesore being rolled in as “awesome” and “so cool.”

3.  I Wish All Underwear and Bralettes Were Made Like These

 SEAMLESS COMFORT 

Lunya’s line of seamless modal underwear, tops, and leggings is one of the most comfortable things I’ve put on my body.

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4.  U.S. Targets 76 Saudi Citizens Under New ‘Khashoggi Ban’

 ‘COUNTER-DISSIDENT ACTIVITIES’ 

The ban imposes travel restrictions on those who have “engaged in threatening dissidents overseas.”

5.  Biden-Ordered Airstrike in Syria Leaves 22 Dead: Monitor

 FROM ABOVE 

The attack is Joe Biden’s first military action in office.

6.  Sponges Are Gross, but These Silicone Ones Are Brilliant

 SCRUB A DUB DUB 

If you are tired of dealing with gross disposable sponges, these silicone ones not only make a great replacement, but they also do a whole lot more.

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7.  CPAC Attendees Boo, Shout ‘Freedom’ When Asked to Wear Masks

 ‘NOT THE MOST FUN’ 

“You have the right to set your own rules in your own house and were borrowing somebody else’s house, so we need to comply with their rules,” one organizer begged.

8.  2 US Navy Ships in Middle East Are Battling COVID Outbreaks

 PANDEMIC AT SEA 

Over a dozen crew members have tested positive for coronavirus aboard the USS Philippine Sea and the USS San Diego.

9.  Ta-Nehisi Coates Writing ‘Superman’ Reboot Film for Warner

 IT’S A SUPERMAN REBOOT! 

Will Henry Cavill return?

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10.  QAnon Shaman Whines: Trump Groomed Me and Millions of Others

 POOR ME 

The most famous Capitol rioter has recently become far more willing to publicly criticize the former president than most Republican lawmakers.

11.  Hollywood Dog-Walkers Arming Up After Gaga Pooch Theft: TMZ

  PAW PATROL 

Lady Gaga’s dog walker, Ryan Fischer, is recovering from his injuries in hospital after Wednesday night’s armed theft.

12.  Trump-Appointed Judge Shoots Down CDC’s Eviction Freeze

 UNCONSTITUTIONAL 

“Although the COVID-19 pandemic persists, so does the Constitution,” a federal judge in Texas wrote.

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13.  Asian Man ‘Critical’ After NYC Stabbing Amid Rash of Attacks

 SNEAK ATTACK 

According to NBC New York, the attack was initially being investigated as a possible hate crime, but the NYPD later determined that it wasn’t related to race.

14.  NBA Probes Claim Jazz VP Threatened Star With Racist Slur

 EXPLAIN YOURSELF 

Former guard Elijah Millsap alleges that a white top Jazz exec told him at his exit interview: “If you say one more word, I’ll cut your Black ass and send you back to Louisiana.”

15.  Tiger Woods Switches Hospitals to Begin ‘Uncertain’ Recovery

 ON THE MEND 

The world’s greatest ever golfer has been sent to Cedars-Sinai Hospital in Los Angeles for his “continuing orthopedic care and recovery.”

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