Crucial Skills

Plus, what to do when you’re feeling underappreciated.

FEBRUARY 1, 2023 • VOL. 21 ISSUE 5

Hi John,

How do you respond to criticism, especially when that criticism is coming from a boss or supervisor? Find suggestions in today’s Q&A.

Also, learn how to express feelings of underappreciation, and make the most of small blocks of free time.

CRUCIAL CONVERSATIONS FOR MASTERING DIALOGUE

Dealing with Criticism

by Kerry Patterson

I’d like some help on receiving criticism. My problem is that there is one executive in my organization who finds fault with my work, and I find myself immediately on the defensive. I am intimidated by her confrontational style. I do not report to her, but she has taken several opportunities to critique my performance. Sometimes I would like to say, “Don’t shoot the messenger,” “I didn’t create the timeline,” or “It’s not my fault that your VP doesn’t share information with you,” but I also want to learn to buck it up.

Any ideas on how not to turn into the Tasmanian Devil or the Doe in the Headlights?

Signed
Ready to Throw in the Towel

Thanks for your thoughtful question. You’re obviously tortured with a problem many of us face and, like you, most of us wonder how much of the problem we are causing versus how much is due to the other person’s style. It’s hard to be objective when you’re in the middle of the issue and up to your neck in criticism to boot.

Let me go out on a limb here. From the way you’ve phrased the issue, my guess is that the other person is largely responsible for delivering feedback poorly. Your willingness to learn as well as your tentative tone suggest to me that you’ve bent over backward to ensure that you aren’t acting defensive or hostile. Nobody’s perfect, but let’s assume for the purposes of this response that you’re pretty close. Let's also assume the other person does in fact act in ways that lead you to conclude she is “confrontational” and “intimidating.”

Feeling Underappreciated? Here’s How to Speak Up

Follow these tips to speak up without sounding whiny, needy, or like a complainer.

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How to Capitalize on Small Moments of Free Time

How much of your day is wasted because you lack ideas for what to do when you have free time? Try this to make the most of your time.

Watch Video

MARCH 20–24

Crucial Conversations^® for Accountability

Join us live online and learn how to:

Master performance discussions.
Manage projects without taking over.
Reach alignment when stakes are high and opinions vary.
Strengthen trust and reliability.
Get results and improve relationships.

As for an authentic villain, the real thing, the absolute, the artist, one rarely meets him even once in a lifetime. The ordinary bad hat is always in part a decent fellow.

—Sidonie-Gabrielle Colette

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