Crucial Learning
Crucial Skills | A Blog by Crucial Learning

JULY 13, 2022 • VOL. 20 ISSUE 28

Hi John,

Have you recently made a blunder? Offended someone? Put your foot in your mouth? You’re in luck. Today’s Q&A sheds light on the apology.

Plus, in-person courses are back! Get hands-on training in communication, productivity, and leadership. Find upcoming dates and locations below.

Finally, do you face a high-stakes situation or have a question about how to use the skills taught in our books and courses? Use the link below to send us your questions. We’ll respond in future issues.

THE ANATOMY OF AN APOLOGY

by Justin Hale

I recently did something hurtful to a family member. Shortly afterward, I said I was sorry but the person didn’t seem to accept my apology. I’ve tried to reach out but they are giving me a bit of a “cold shoulder.” They still seem bugged about what I did. I feel like I’ve done my part and now it’s up to them to accept the apology. Should I be looking at this differently?

Signed,
Apology Not Accepted

I can totally relate to this. For the past few years, I’ve been on a quest to better understand sincere apologies and make them a habit in my life. I’ll share what I’ve discovered. I hope this helps.

First, make sure you’re not offering a lousy apology. Nearly everyone has made a poor apology at some time or another. It goes without saying that bad apologies do more harm than good. If you have a habit of using any of the following, or anything similar, stop.

  • I’m sorry you took it that way.
  • I’m sorry, but it’s not my fault.
  • I’m sorry for how things went.
  • I feel bad, but it could have been much worse if…
  • I didn’t intend to hurt you, but the situation…
  • I said I was sorry. Why can’t you get over it?
CONTINUE READING

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In all we do, almost the first thing we think about is what will people say; and nearly half the troubles and bothers of life may be traced to our anxiety on this score; it is the anxiety which is at the bottom of all that feeling of self-importance, which is so often mortified because it is so very morbidly sensitive. It is solicitude about what others will say that underlies all our vanity and pretension, yes, and all our show and swagger too. Pride in every form, however varied their kind or sphere, are at bottom nothing but this—anxiety about what others will say—and what sacrifices it costs!
 

—Arthur Schopenhauer