Anyone who isn’t your therapist will tell you that talking about your dreams is boring. So it would seem a little dreary to recap the fever dream that was the Platinum Jubilee weekend, were the details not so outrageously bizarre. Hats on everyone and bunting on everything. Grown adults saying ‘platty joobs’. Prue Leith in a broken-down Jag. Naomi Campbell chilling with the Teletubbies. A hologram of the Queen. The actual Queen having tea with Paddington bear. Your wildest dreams could never!

It says a lot (about the event, about us) that the most relatable moment belonged to a four-year-old in a sailor outfit: Prince Louis. Children are just adults who haven’t developed a decorous edit button yet. As he visibly ricocheted between boredom, bemusement, fatigue and something approaching delight, Louis was all of us.

Given all that, in hindsight it seems touchingly naïve that in the run up to the royal revelry, there was so much earnest concern about how Harry and Meghan’s presence would prove a distraction. A distraction? How sweet! Those worriers didn’t account on Craig David in a sequin tracksuit or a drone lightshow of King Kong cuppas and corgis jittering over the Mall proving to be two of the less strange interludes in the circus. When it came down to it, an hour-long appearance in a sublime Dior couture look was simply a footnote.

Nevertheless Meghan’s appearance was a reminder of what we lost when she stepped back from royal duties. That Markle sparkle was respectably dialled right down, but it was still bright. Part of Kate’s job description is that she must gamely play along; she does it better than anyone. But who wouldn’t rather play the part of Meghan who, given her fill of UK customs (the mix of pomp and camp is distinctly British) hotfooted it back to California as soon as it was polite to do so.

And you thought Hollywood was weird? I imagine her smiling serenely as she jetted back to Montecito just in time to miss Timmy Mallet, Basil Brush and Gok Wan waving from the flotilla of open top buses.

Laura