“Pelvic floor exercise tracker” - One of the goodies inside this year’s Oscar swag bag. It’s a FitBit for kegels. The shark has officially been jumped.

YOU'RE OUT

THE STORY

Yesterday, the Trump administration put out a new rule book for how the US will deal with undocumented immigrants.

WAIT…BACK UP.

There are about 11 million undocumented immigrants in the US. Under former President Obama, officials focused on deporting the ones who had committed serious or violent crimes. Last month, President Trump signed executive orders directing the US gov to be more aggressive about enforcing immigration laws. So yesterday, the Department of Homeland Security said ‘we hear you’ and rolled out new guidelines.

WHAT ARE THEY?

They instruct officials to deport pretty much anyone who is in the country illegally. The top priority is undocumented immigrants who’ve been charged or convicted of a crime - or are suspected of a crime. That includes minor things like traffic violations. Meanwhile, the Trump administration is keeping an Obama-era program that lets people who were brought to the US illegally as kids live and work temporarily in the US.

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These new guidelines don’t change US immigration laws - they just take a much harder line on how to enforce them. But Homeland Security is saying ‘halp.’ It doesn’t have enough resources to get these things done. Meaning, it’s Congress’s turn to write a check.

THE *: Still have questions about US immigration policy? There’s a Skimm for that.

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WHAT TO SAY WHEN YOU PAY FOR EXPRESS DELIVERY BUT STILL GET YOUR PACKAGE A WEEK LATER...

What took so long? Yesterday, President Trump finally raised his hand and said the rise in anti-Semitism across the US is “horrible” and “painful.” In the last year, anti-Semitic incidents in the US have gone way up. And in the last month, Jewish community centers have received multiple bomb threats. Last week, Trump was asked (twice) what he planned to do about it. He didn’t really give an answer. Then over the weekend, a Jewish cemetery in Missouri was vandalized. And in recent days, Jewish community centers have received even more bomb threats. Yesterday, Trump finally spoke out, saying all this is “a very sad reminder of the work that still must be done to root out hate.”

WHAT PEOPLE ARE WATCHING...

South Sudan. Earlier this week, the UN said parts of the country are officially going through a famine. Meaning millions of people there have little to no access to food. 100,000 people are facing starvation and some are dying from hunger. The problem comes in big part from the country’s three year-long civil war, which has killed tens of thousands of people and forced more than a million to leave home. The war has also battered the economy, pushing food prices up, up, up. Meanwhile, three other African countries - Somalia, Yemen, and Nigeria - are also on the verge or already suffering from famine. And humanitarian groups worry that they might not have the resources to help everyone.

WHAT TO SAY WHEN YOU REALIZE YOU’RE USING ALL YOUR VACATION DAYS ON WEDDINGS...

Sensing a trend. Yesterday, Burger King’s parent company said it’s buying up Popeyes for a whopper $1.8 billion. Meaning everyone around the world will soon be able get their cheap Cajun chicken fix. Also yesterday, Verizon officially said to Yahoo ‘I guess I’ll still marry you.’ Verizon is buying Yahoo’s core businesses (email, search, messenger) for $4.48 billion. But the deal’s been in limbo ever since Yahoo said ‘oops we’ve been hacked.’ Twice. Now Verizon’s paying about $350 million less than the original price tag. Who’s also writing checks? Big-time investor Carl Icahn. Yesterday, it came out that he’s taken a stake in the drugmaker Bristol-Myers Squibb. The company’s been on the struggle bus in recent months thanks to things like trying and failing to come up with a way to treat cancer. Now, Icahn thinks the company still has a few tricks up its sleeve that’ll make it attractive to future buyers. Bottoms up.

WHAT TO SAY TO YOUR CO-WORKER WHO LOVES ANY EXCUSE TO POP BOTTLES...

Say ‘cheers’ to everything you need to know about this weekend’s Oscars.

NO EXCUSES: IMMIGRATION

Oh hai. Meet No Excuses: Immigration. For the next couple of weeks, we’ll be here telling you what you need to know about the history of immigration reform, the names and terminology you should know, and what happens next. First, the history. Here’s where it all started…

The US has been going through immigration policy mood swings since the American Revolution, when it was basically all immigrants...

* At first, “free white persons” are the only ones who can become citizens

* In 1868, the 14th Amendment happens. It says anyone born on US soil is a US citizen. Full stop. A couple years later, people with African heritage can become citizens too

* Things get complicated in the next several decades. America decides it’s open door policy has been too open. It bans Chinese workers. And prostitutes. And criminals.

* In the early 1920s, the US passes a quota law capping how many immigrants can come to the US from any given country

Quotas are the standard for immigration policy until the 1960s. More on that tomorrow.

PS: If you want more of a history lesson, click on our fancy button below to go to our No Excuses site for everything you need to know about immigration.

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