Skimm'd while getting "This is Us" star Chrissy Metz's hot takes on the show

"It was an existential crisis" – A guy whose iPhone didn't recognize him after he shaved his beard. Brb, looking for a violin.

JUSTICE

The Story

The first celebrity trial of the #MeToo era ended in jail time.

The celebrity?

Bill Cosby, formerly America's Dad and a cultural icon. In 2014, comedian Hannibal Buress mentioned rape allegations against Cosby in a stand-up routine. It gained national attention. And since then, more than 60 women have accused Cosby of sexual misconduct.

What happened with the accusations?

Almost all of them were beyond the statute of limitations. Except for Andrea Constand's. In 2005, she told authorities that Cosby drugged and sexually assaulted her. Prosecutors didn't file charges, and the two settled a civil lawsuit. But in that lawsuit, Cosby admitted he gave drugs to women he wanted to have sex with. In 2015, a new DA pressed criminal charges in Constand's case right before the statute of limitations expired.

Then what?

Earlier this year, Cosby was found guilty of three counts of aggravated indecent assault.

Now what?

Cosby's headed to prison. And will spend at least three years there before he becomes eligible for parole. But he could end up staying behind bars for up to 10 years. He's also been classified as a "sexually violent predator" – meaning he has to register as a sex offender and go through counseling for the rest of his life.

theSkimm

There's an ever-growing list of celebrities facing sexual misconduct allegations during the #MeToo era (here's a depressing reminder of how many). Cosby stands as one of the only to face trial. Then there's Harvey Weinstein.

REPEAT AFTER ME...

What to say when you decide to go for the UberPool…

Not here to make friends. Yesterday, President Trump took the stage at the UN General Assembly. And made it clear he doesn't want to play nice with other countries. He trashed the "ideology of globalism" and said the US will mind its own business if everyone else does too. He called out Iran for its "corrupt dictatorship" (which is also the main topic of today's Security Council meeting he's hosting). He did a 180 from last year's speech and gave North Korea a high-five for its denuclearization progress. And he got laughed at for saying his admin has done "more than almost any administration in the history of our country." But he said he meant to be funny...so joke's on them.

What to say when your cousin wants to cut your hair…

No confidence in this. Yesterday, Sweden's parliament ousted its PM Stefan Löfven after a confidence vote. Europe's years-long migrant crisis has led to a rise in nationalism and far-right movements there…including in the governments of countries like Austria, Italy, and Germany. Earlier this month, Swedes hit the polls to vote in new members of parliament. Löfven's party (Social Democrats) didn't grab as many seats as the party hoped – and the far-right party (Sweden Democrats, don't get them confused) picked up a bunch. No party wound up winning the majority, meaning the gov will pretty much be a hot mess until it can form a coalition. Because of this, parliament had to hold a confidence vote. So the PM is out – which adds more chaos to an already chaotic situation there. Now it's up to the speaker of parliament to tap a new leader. But don't expect that to be a walk in the park.

What to say when you and Dunkin' are on a first-name basis…

Feeling the love. Pret A Manger isn't. The sandwich chain is reportedly being sued for allegedly falsely labeling and marketing some food. Multiple lawsuits claim the co labeled some breads "natural" when the breads actually had traces of a pesticide. Yum. Meanwhile, Walmart's going all Nancy Drew to make sure its food is safe to eat. And is enlisting the help of...blockchain. Hear us out: it's going to require food suppliers to upload info about their foods to blockchain. Which could make it quicker and easier for the supplier to check if farms have any issues (like E. coli or salmonella). If they do, Walmart will drop it like it's...legitimately tainted food. The company's giving suppliers until 2019 to get their sh*t together.

What to say when you hear Will Smith went bungee jumping for his 50th birthday...

These women are pretty badass too.

What to say when your coworker starts mansplaining…

Breaking news: woman is capable of doing something by herself.

PERSON TO KNOW

Malea Emma Tjandrawidjaja

The seven-year-old who went viral for singing the national anthem at an MLS game. She also acts, models, and has tens of thousands of Insta followers. We repeat: she's seven.

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