Dear John,

Welcome to the final email in our series! We hope this has been interesting, informative and fun for you and your family. We would love your feedback so we can hone our skills for future email series.

We wish you and your family a great holiday season and a healthy, happy New Year! Please be in touch if you have any questions.

For our final email, Rabbi Keara Stein writes about her experience with Christmas trees.

My year with a Christmas tree during Hanukkah (and how I still kept my Jewish identity)

“I went to the craft market and got you an awesome Hanukkah gift!” My post-college (and certified Santa-loving) roommate exclaimed one December morning.

“How thoughtful!” I responded, truly touched that she had thought of me on Hanukkah.

“It’s a star of David ornament for our Christmas tree! And a Happy Hanukkah stocking!” she said enthusiastically.

I didn’t know what to say or do. I thought to myself: “I am Jewish, hoping to be a rabbi, a teacher in a Jewish religious school, an employee at a Jewish non-profit.” But I was also a good friend, who respected my roommate’s love for all things Christmas, having seen her don her Santa Hat every morning for a month with no intention other than to bring her joy. To tell her that we couldn’t have a Christmas tree would say that I didn’t respect or accept her holiday and its traditions. It would tell her that her family, who goes to the woods every year to cut down the perfect tree, sip hot chocolate and sing, and spend time together celebrating family traditions that spanned the generations, was wrong and not welcome in my home. I simply couldn’t do that.

But could I have a Christmas tree in my home? What would that say about my Judaism? What would my family think? My friends? My boss? My students?

We ended up having a tree, with blue and white ornaments alongside her family ornaments, and my star of David displayed proudly. Our menorah stood on the windowsill and we lit it together every night. We had a party, during which I decorated a stocking. She taught me how to cut the stem of the tree to make coasters so our home would smell incredible the entire season.

I grew to love the presence of that tree in our living room: its delicious scent, the green life it brought to our dark gray winter and the symbol it represented of togetherness and joy. It was still a Christmas tree, but it became something much more than that for me and my roommate. It was a sign of acceptance and love. Of life and tradition.

Here are some firsthand accounts of how other people have experienced this:

I visited my boyfriend’s family last year on Christmas for the first time. They had a tree and a stocking for me. It was warm and cozy and really a perfect morning but I had just met them the night before. It was just so touching to me that they immediately included me in their celebration with their traditions.

-Felissa Jacobson Dixon

We decided that it didn't represent anything religious and that it was beautiful. We wrap both Christmas and Hanukkah presents under the tree as just a place to store all the gifts. The ornaments on the tree are all antique and nothing religious in nature.

-Lisa Finn Waters

We had one almost every year growing up. Living in Oregon, that was a hand cut, nice smelling, non-flocked tree. It allowed me to experience the go-cut-a-tree experience, and the tree farm. It was small enough that it wasn't the primary focus in our house. As a small child, I loved trains, so part of the tree was to have the train going around the tree. With my own interfaith relationships, I've always fought to not have a tree in the house. That always offended and set back my relationships. Were I to enter one again, I'd be fine with a tree. I really do like the smell. And its not about one or the other, but about letting people enjoy experiences. I would treat the situation differently now. I firmly believe that people need their identity, and should be allowed to do what they want. There is literally no impact to me, negatively, about the tree.

-Anonymous

The choice to have a tree in an interfaith home can be a difficult one. Here are some tools to help you have the conversation:

Please feel free to contact our rabbis if you have any questions, comments or are looking for some help as you think about how you will celebrate the holidays with your family.

Happy holidays!

Sincerely,

The IFF Rabbis

rabbi@interfaithfamily.com

(617) 581-6860

Seeking a Rabbi?

Our free referral service

can help! >>>

Support Us!

We depend on your support

to help us in our work. >>>