I’ve only just started reading bell hooks. I’m saddened by the fact that she just died nearly 2 years ago. As I read All About Love, and am about to start reading The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love, I realize I’ve found another soul mate and mentor. Do you ever get that feeling that you are deeply connected to someone you’ve never met? Someone you think you might cross paths with one day because they speak directly into your soul? That’s how I feel about bell hooks. It feels to me like a missed opportunity. I find myself crying as I read her. She’s so vulnerable and honest. Vulnerable about her need for love, and honest about the lack of love in our relationships, families, friendships, and society. She’s so… true! I too was taught from an early age to lie, right down to hiding my most authentic self, so that I would be accepted and rewarded. The church very powerfully and effectively reinforced this dynamic in my life. When I decided to finally begin being openly honest with the launch of NakedPastor way back in 2005, I had no idea what it would inevitably cost me. Almost everything! It eventually led to me needing to leave the ministry and the church in 2010. Just five years into blogging. I saw the signs when I started cartooning. But the signs ramped up in intensity in 2009 after I experienced a profound flash of insight into the oneness of all things, and the unity of all beings at a deep and fundamental level. Full of the peace of mind that always evaded me but that now I enjoy, I naïvely shared my experience and insights for the whole world to see. I personally thought it was beautiful… my honesty in expressing what I now knew to be true. Such good news! I wanted everyone to enjoy the same peace of mind I now enjoyed. I wanted everyone to know we all belong, we all matter, we all are worthy of love… both in giving and receiving. We are all one, bonded in the unity that love creates. Much to my surprise, not everyone appreciates this message. Including the denomination I was a part of (Vineyard, in case you are interested), right down to the church I was pastoring at the time. Please understand that the church I was pastoring and the denomination I was a part of was full of good people who wanted good things. But the radical message that love necessitates or even implies was too much for too many. It was like they were saying, “Yes, love! But this is who you should love, and this is who we do not love!” They would argue that love sometimes means punishment. But I don’t think so. I believe love includes all. Like bell hooks said, “Love is as love does.” For me, this is still the meaning of love. I get to be my most authentic self, and so do you. Figuring out how to form relationships and navigate community together only works with this primary understanding, with this essential foundation, in place. I just wanted to share how bell hooks is a profound affirmer of this reality for me. I hope she is for you too.
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