A cut-out-and-keep guide to international football worth watching

With the club football tap turned off for another international break, we’re left wondering what to do with ourselves. OK, so there’s a Cricket World Cup to be won, the Grand Slam of Darts, Strictly’s Blackpool week, the Big Brother finale and Nigel F*rage ingesting an array of Antipodean animal genitalia – but, y’know, football. We need football. *Makes ball shape with hands.* Foot. Ball. Well, hold on. This international break could be fun, because the final automatic places at next summer’s Euro 2024 Fußballfest are up for grabs, and there’s plenty to play for. So without further ado, here’s your cut-out-and-keep daily guide to [note to The Man: are you really making us do this? Really? OK then] the qualifying week ahead!

Wednesday: Israel v Switzerland The Israel team are playing their last four qualifiers in 10 days, with their “home” games on neutral ground. This game will be played in Hungary, and a Swiss win will secure their place at the finals. An Israel win would set up a grandstand finish to the group; they play leaders Romania on Saturday and then go to Andorra, while Romania and Switzerland face off next Tuesday.

Thursday: Bulgaria v Hungary Hungary are aiming to book their passage against Group G’s bottom side, but preparations have been hampered somewhat by a lack of venue. Bulgaria have moved the match from Plovdiv to Sofia, leading Hungary to accuse them of “grossly unsportsmanlike” conduct. “It’s not possible to organise a family holiday in this way, let alone an international football match,” harrumphed a Hungarian FA statement.

Friday: Poland v Czech Republic, Denmark v Slovakia In Group E, nothing is settled yet – but Sylvinho’s Albania can qualify by avoiding defeat in Moldova. Poland need to beat the Czechs at home in their last game, then hope their neighbours slip up at home to Moldova next week, to finish in the top two. Otherwise, the playoffs are their only hope of earning the chance to underwhelm. Meanwhile, in Group H, the top two meet in Copenhagen with the winner set to qualify.

Sat: Armenia v Wales, Netherlands v Rep of Ireland Qualification was a distant dream when Wales were tonked 4-2 at home by Armenia in June, but they have bounced back in style. Win their last two games, and Rob Page’s boys are in – and victory in this early kick-off will put pressure on Croatia, who visit Latvia later on. In Group B, the Dutch can secure their place ahead of Greece with victory over Ireland. A quirk of the playoff system means the visitors’ prospects are actually improved if they lose in Amsterdam – which is probably for the best.

Sunday: Group J mayhem, or Scotland v Norway Slovakia can book their place on Thursday with a point at home to Iceland, but if they lose and Luxembourg beat Bosnia, we’re all set for a three-way battle for second place behind runaway leaders Portugal. Given the final set of fixtures (Portugal v Iceland, Bosnia v Slovakia, Liechtenstein v Luxembourg), it’s not inconceivable that Luxembourg could qualify for the Euros. Or if that all falls flat, you can enjoy a pre-Euros party at Hampden with special guest star Erling Haaland.

Monday: Ukraine v Italy Amid all the brain-melting permutations, one thing is for sure: this Group C game is the biggest match of all. If Italy beat North Macedonia on Friday (and that’s not guaranteed), they will only need a point in Leverkusen to secure second spot – but a win for Ukraine will secure a remarkable qualification for the war-torn nation and leave the champions at risk of missing out.

Tuesday: Wales v Turkey Depending on how previous results pan out, the key game could be Slovenia v Kazakhstan, Romania v Switzerland or Wales hosting Group D winners Turkey in Cardiff, looking to hold off Croatia and secure a return to the Euros. But if you absolutely have to make a decision now, go with Argentina v Brazil in the World Cup qualifiers, kicking off in the early hours of Wednesday.

Tuesday will also clarify the playoff picture, which is influenced by Nations League results. Here is your cut-out-and-keep guide to all the permu [no, sorry, absolutely no chance. We’re off to the pub].

Join Sarah Rendell at 8pm GMT for minute-by-minute updates on Barcelona v Benfica in Women’s Big Cup.

“From the 1880s [it] was one of the names for a swag, a bag of possessions carried by an itinerant man looking for work … the original German name refers to strength in battle so it’s an appropriate name for a team that has inspired so many people this year, particularly young women and girls” – the Australian National Dictionary Centre has only gone and flamin’ chosen Matilda as the nation’s word of the year, following the home nation’s success at the World Cup. Strewth!

Re: yesterday’s Football Daily letters, I thought you might like this South American football story. While travelling in South America in 2012, I was lucky enough to get tickets to a Boca Juniors game at the Bombonera which was a major travelling ‘bucket list’ wish as a Liverpool match-goer for 30-plus years. Myself and a Spurs-supporting Kiwi mate went to the arranged meeting point, where we and other similar-minded folk were taken for a pre-match drink at what was basically an abandoned warehouse with some old fridges full of overpriced Argentinian Tin. As kick-off approached, we were escorted to the ground where it was soon clear that this ‘trip’ was organised by the Boca Ultras, as our group of 30-plus were walked straight into the ground through an open gate, right past scores of uninterested stewards and police. We never even saw a ticket, let alone got one to keep as a souvenir. No trouble to report, and the atmosphere was great (though not a patch on Anfield, of course). And the match? 0-0 in the rain. Some things never change” – Ian Ayling.

Back at home finally, having been on the pop for a few days in Amsterdam, I was wondering is there a ground less user friendly than the Johan Cruyff Arena is to the increasingly aged support that the Albion nowadays muster. Don’t get me wrong, the ground is a splendid sight, with easy transport links to the city centre. You can even buy (overpriced) Heineken and drink it in your seat. It is not even the fact you are confronted by a huge glass screen topped with razor blades like Stamford Bridge c. 1987, nor being kept in for 45 minutes after the game. Rather it is the quite extraordinary staircase all and sundry are forced to climb to get to their seats. The Dutch love a steep staircase, and this one fits the bill. I didn’t count the steps, but it makes Newcastle away look like a picnic. Up and up, we climbed the foot-high concrete steps, maybe 200-plus of them. On the way we passed increasingly large clutches of panting Albion fans, some near to passing out, and they were only a third of the way up. Once you got there it was another 50 vertiginous steps to the back of the stand. All part of the adventure” – Mark Pritchard.

Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s letter o’ the day winner is … Mark Pritchard, who gets a copy of United with Dad by Simon Lloyd, published by Pitch Publishing. Visit their brilliant football book store here.

It’s a belting cartoon for long-suffering fans of [insert your club here]. David Squires on … Eternal Sunshine of the Sportless Mind. And you can buy you own copy here.

Aaron Ramsdale’s dad has been flapping his gums again, grabbing The Highbury Corner podcast mic and spitting some truths about Mikel Arteta’s decision to drop his son in favour of David Raya. “Aaron’s lost that smile,” blabbed his pops, Nick. “It really is difficult to see him [on the bench] and we all keep saying ‘you need to keep smiling’. It’s possibly the way it’s been done [that’s made him sad]. Not knowing the reason why [he was dropped], and this is me [yapping] because we don’t know why. Again, Aaron is working as hard as he can. He’s trying to do his best for the squad. He’s upbeat and he’ll do everything for Arsenal to try and win the league.”

The English FA has suspended council member Wasim Haq for saying “Adolf Hitler would be proud of Benjamin Netanyahu” in a since-deleted Social media post. Haq has denied being antisemitic.

In a bad day for shoulders, Jude Bellingham and Levi Colwill have knacked said body part, forcing them to join the throng of players who have pulled out of England’s Euro 2024 qualifiers against Malta and North Macedonia.

Adelaide United’s 17-year-old wonderkid™ Nestory Irankunda has signed for Bayern Munich for a flamin’ A-League record transfer fee of £2.85m. “It’s a dream come true,” cooed the nippy winger.

Fun and games in South America dept: Corinthians director Alessandro Nunes stormed off to the stadium VAR booth at half-time of his side’s match at Grêmio and started trying to kick it down having been incensed by decisions against his side in the first half. It’s not clear if a VAR official was even in there but he gets top marks for performative funk. Oh, and Corinthians won 1-0 anyway.

And in-form Manchester United’s Premier League title charge has been hindered after Rasmus Højlund and Christian Eriksen were ruled out with unspecified knack.

All eyes on the Camping World Community stadium on Tuesday evening folks, where Horsham host League One Barnsley, who sit 99 places above them in the English football pyramid. After a famous 3-3 draw at Oakwell the seventh-tier non-leaguers come into this tie with confidence though, don’t they? Not exactly. They were beaten by Hashtag United at the weekend. Here’s manager Dom Di Paola: “It was disappointing, of course it was, and its one of the downsides of having a good Cup run that your league form can suffer for it but we’ve been excellent since beating Dorking in the last round so I can’t be too hard on them. It’s going to take a monumental effort by everyone, Barnsley not being on their game, and a lot of luck if we’re going to be successful” Oh, and this one is televised on ITV4 in the UK at 7pm GMT.

Goodbye, Sir Bobby. Jonathan Wilson attends the send-off to English football’s last and perhaps greatest gentleman.

Rafaela Pimenta on being the Mrs 20% who took over Mino Raiola’s stable, and tackling the boys’ club at their own game. She speaks to Donald McRae.

They know what’s coming, but still nobody can stop it. Jonathan Liew on the under-appreciated genius of James Ward-Prowse.

In her last season in charge, the one Emma Hayes wants is Women’s Big Cup. Sophie Downey previews Chelsea’s group-stage opener at Madrid.

Girona and their boy from the barrio have hit new heights on top of La Liga. Sid Lowe reports.

And look away fans of When Saturday Comes and Goal II: Living The Dream. Gregory Wakeman watches Next Goal Wins and wonders why football films are more often than not bobbins.

Yeovil prepared for their FA Cup third-round tie against Liverpool in January 2004 by sticking up pictures of members of the visiting team on their training ground mannequins. The Glovers did all right, holding out until the 70th minute, before Emile Heskey and Danny Murphy secured a 2-0 win for the Reds. Liverpool were knocked out by Portsmouth in the fifth round, who perhaps had similar homemade posters up in preparation for the match.