At the end of a January transfer window in which Fabrizio Romano’s phone buzzed with less frequency than a hermit’s doorbell, the final tallies are in. After three consecutive record-breaking January spends on the bounce, financial outlay is down; way down. As down as a No 1 hit by denim clad, three-chord tricksters Status Quo called Down Down, boasting the chorus “down down, deeper and down”.

With a combined outlay of just £100m, Premier League teams spent £715m less than in the 2023 winter window. A total of 19 Premier League teams spent £227m less than Chelsea did in the corresponding month last year. A pittance of £30m was spent in disclosed fees on deadline day compared to £275m last year. And only 17 permanent transfers were completed by top-flight clubs since New Year’s Day, seven of which went through on deadline day. Won’t somebody please, please, please think of the Mr and Mrs 15%s? Of the Sky Sports News reporters strategically placed on grass verges outside training grounds the length and breadth of the country? And of the fabulously wealthy Saudi owners of Newcastle United, whose bottomless reserves of wealth mean they have enough money to tempt any player on the planet to St James’ Park, but instead had to settle for loading Javier Manquillo into a crate plastered with the address of Celta Vigo’s Estadio de Balaídos.

On a deadline day so quiet and dull that the only transfer announcement to pique even the slightest bit of interest involved a Formula One driver moving from one vroom-vroom team to another, Crystal Palace emerged as the surprise “winners”, finalising their deal to bring Adam Wharton to Selhurst Park for £23.5m, having already brought Daniel Muñoz in from Genk in a few days earlier. Football Daily can’t be the only one who is happy to admit that if, a week ago Wharton or Muñoz had walked into our kitchen in full kit, put the kettle on and made themselves a cup of tea, we wouldn’t have had the foggiest idea who either of them was. Kieffer Moore, on the other hand, would even get a plate of nice biscuits, for winning this window’s “Jay Rodriguez Is Gone Where?” award, for his departure from Bournemouth to Ipswich on loan. West Ham, meanwhile tried to ship Saïd Benrahma off to Lyon, only for the deal to collapse, pending possible Fifa intervention, because somebody lost the wifi password and the computer said no.

Of course it is largely down to the fact that last January’s spending was so excessive, the month just gone has been largely soundtracked by the chirping of crickets. Somehow in dire need of a striker, Chelsea shipped one of the few they have out to Fulham on loan, despite the best attempts of Wolves to lure Armando Broja to Molineux. “We couldn’t afford to do it financially, the way it ended up,” explained Gary O’Neil in the aftermath of his side’s 4-3 defeat at the hands of Manchester United. “There were a few No 9s that I really liked and we couldn’t afford any. That’s where we are as a football club but at least we haven’t been deducted 10 points.” On Sunday his team travel to Chelsea, a similar model of financial prudence from whom all other top-flight clubs could learn.

“I’m normally an outfield player … it was my first game back after [ankle-knack] and I hadn’t put the goalie gloves on in a long time. I’d also forgotten my contact lenses, so I had to wear goggles over my glasses. I made a few saves early on, which you wouldn’t have guessed by the score. We played a high line, attacking high up the pitch, then after 10 more goals [conceded] went back to focusing on defence. I made one save with my right foot – the one that had been injured – so I was struggling to move. I ended up getting subbed off in the 60th minute. We were down to seven men, a 5-1 formation. It wasn’t great” – St Machar Thistle captain Eoin Devlin recalls a character-building experience as stand-in goalkeeper in a 51-0 Scottish Amateur Cup defeat to AC Mill Inn. Oof.

I am going to confidently predict that ‘dart-throwing’ (yesterday’s Football Daily) will become the new ‘rocking the baby’ when scoring. Mind you, for some clubs it’ll be the only time those players hit the target” – Kev McCready.

Re: the blathering controversy (yesterday’s Football Daily letters). I would have thought that the definition of blathering was adequately met by Gabriel Jesus saying more-or-less that he would henceforth try to score some goals” – Robert Blanchard.

Please have sympathy for Football Daily, whose whole raison d’etre is based on blathering. In fact, without the blathering, Football Daily would be reduced to Big Website punditry, and no one comes here for that. Yours in blathering” – Paul Arnold.

If indeed the structure of the game is rechristened the football ‘bell-bottomed trousers’ (Football Daily letters passim), does that mean teams can only sign flare players?” – Derek McGee.

Send letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’ the day is … Derek McGee.

West Brom say they have suspended the ticket accounts of supporters identified as being part of the trouble that marred Sunday’s FA Cup derby against Wolves and passed their details on to the police.

Good news for groundstaff worried about damage being done to Arsenal’s goalframes: Liverpool’s Darwin Núñez might miss the game due to foot-knack. “After 20 minutes [against Chelsea] someone stepped on his foot [and it was] very painful after the game,” sighed Jürgen Klopp. “Nothing broken, X-ray clear but swollen.”

Brighton have shown Melissa Phillips through the door marked Do One with the club 10th in the 12-team WSL. “We have invested heavily in the women’s squad and infrastructure going into this season, and results and performances have not been at the level we had expected,” harrumphed a statement.

Rasmus Højlund has happily loaded the pressure of being a young Manchester United talent on teenage teammate Kobbie Mainoo after the midfielder’s match-winning goal in the madcap 4-3 win at Wolves. “[He’s] a generational talent,” cheered Højlund. “It’s very cool to have other young players around the team and hopefully we can set an era for the club and be here many years together.”

Pep Guardiola has shrugged off Spanish media reports that Erling Haaland wishes to ditch Manchester City for Real Madrid and is unhappy living in the area. “We don’t have that feeling that he’s unhappy. He was [unhappy] because he could not play for two months because he was injured but maybe the media from Spain, and especially Madrid, have more information than us,” he deadpanned.

And it’s been a whirlwind few days for Lino Sousa. The England U-19 defender completed a move to Aston Villa from Arsenal and no sooner had he arrived in the Midlands, he was off down the M5 and A38 to Home Park, where Plymouth Argyle unveiled him as a loan signing in the stylings of this recent video. “A lot of mileage, but I’m happy to be here,” he cheered.

Fancy watching an overblown unveiling with Arturo Vidal arriving by helicopter and dressing up as a knight? And expertly trotting around the Colo Colo pitch on a horse in front of 35,000 fans before bursting into tears? Here you go then.

Perhaps we should grateful for Chris Wilder being back in the top flight because he’s freshened up the stale selection of reasons for being royally miffed. Not only has the Sheffield United manager got the funk on over what he believes is perceived bias against the Blades from officials, video has also emerged of him growing ever more red in the face after their defeat at Crystal Palace as he recalls the sheer bloody cheek of an assistant referee daring speak to him … while consuming food. “I’ve been to see the referee, I’ve told him that one of his assistants was eating a sandwich at the time – I thought that was a complete lack of respect,” he fumed. “Hopefully he enjoyed his sandwich while he was talking to a Premier League manager.” Perhaps Wilder has taken the crown atop the lion’s head in the Premier League logo a little too literally.

Harry Kane is smashing it on and off the field in Germany. Rob Draper heads to Munich to catch up with the England captain in Bavaria.

Transfer window verdict: in an unusually quiet January, how did every Premier League fare?

Ed Aarons on Premier League clubs tightening their purse strings.

New Zealand international Katie Rood argues that women’s football must cut ties with Barclays if it cares about the climate crisis.

And with Texas in the running to host the 2026 World Cup final, Matthew Hall reckons the USA USA USA must be included when scrutinising a host nation’s human rights record.

We’ve got choppers on the brain, blame Colo Colo. Anyway, it’s May 1983 and Brighton’s players leave the huge helicopter which has brought them to some playing fields in north-west London so they can board a coach to Wembley for the FA Cup final against Manchester United, which they drew 2-2. We’re not sure if they were airlifted in similarly for the replay a few days later, but we can tell you that they lost it 4-0.