Blue cards and why football doesn’t need to be muddled further

Football is just the best, isn’t it? No game comes close. Eleven v 11, goalposts, jumpers, goals, saves, misses, tackles, dirty fouls, scenes you don’t want to see but really do, b@ntz, anger, joy and pain. It’s not perfect but that’s the way we like it. And yet. There’s always someone who wants to tinker with the game. You know the type. You probably hear them every week.

Generic radio host: “Brian on the M1, what have you got for us?”
Brian: “I’m a Northampton fan, coming back from Burton.”
Radio host [frantically fumbles through paper, finds scoreline, types into Google]: “Yeah, good win for you today, Brian … er, Jon Brady’s doing an OK job for you there, right?”
Brian: “Jon’s doing OK, just signed a new contract, but he’s not helped by referees, there seems to be a worldwide conspiracy against Northampton. We need VAR in League One, and we also need kick-ins instead of throw-ins, they should ban tackling and headers, allow keepers to handle a backpass and there should be sin bins like they have at rugby … I’m a regular down at Franklin’s Gardens for the rugby and … ”
Radio host: “Great to hear from you, Brian, the line’s cutting up a bit there … now here’s Ozzy, a Manchester United fan from Chipping Sodbury …”

One of football’s deepest problems is that within its halls of power there are too many Brians from Northampton, who watch the game and think it would be superior if it suited their worldview. Sometimes they get it right: three points for a win, banning the backpass relaunching attacking football in the 1990s. Vanishing spray. But sometimes they get it wrong. Remember 10 yards for dissent? The introduction of VAR meanwhile loosened the bowels of hell, exposing that referees are just a bunch of people making it up as they go along. That has come as a surprise to some, though why match officials should be any different to any other profession is the next question.

VAR, for all the drama it can add – see the Afcon semi between Nigeria and South Africa for such confectionery – has made a muddle of a simple game. Football’s strongest suit was its purity but the VAR era has rendered it as confused as rugby union can be. Nobody within the red-trouser world really knows the rugger laws; they change all the time anyway. Why make football more complicated? Enter Ifab, before next month’s meeting on Loch Lomond’s bonnie banks. Enter “cooling off periods” for dissent, sin-bins in old money. And with the waving of blue cards for the miscreant sent to calm down. Two blues equals red, blue and yellow equals red and … thanks a bunch, Brian.

“[Cristiano] Ronaldo is suffering from [knack]. A duel with Gustavo Cuéllar started with Ronaldo being hit in a very sensitive area. This is confirmed information. The fans may think what they want” – Al-Nassr release a statement trying to explain why their star player appeared to rub an Al-Hilal scarf in the region of his crotch after the 2-0 defeat in the Riyadh Season Cup Trophy [yes, it is officially both a cup and a trophy – Football Daily Ed], which prompted calls for his arrest and deportation from some observers. Mind you, it wasn’t the most bizarre scene that evening. The Undertaker coming out to lift the silverware saw to that.

Re: the fuss over fans in Hong Kong being unable to see Lionel Messi stand around on grass in pink shorts (yesterday’s Football Daily). I am reminded of several years ago when I travelled to Atlanta to see Manchester City play on a pre-season tour of the USA USA USA. This was when Roberto Mancini was prowling the sidelines in his calf-length wool overcoat, with sky blue and white scarf neatly tucked inside. Imagine my disappointment when Signor Mancini emerged from the tunnel in shirt sleeves with nary a scarf in sight. Granted this was Atlanta in August, but talk about ‘the greatest letdown of all time’” – Pat Condreay.

I can’t believe Elaine Shaw pulled out the old ‘footballer BBQ names’ (yesterday’s Football Daily letters) without mentioning Frank LeBoeuf” – Tom Murray-Rust.

May I be one of 1,057 Simpsons-watching pedants to remark that Grandpa Abe is not entering, and leaving, a restaurant in the famed gif (yesterday’s News, Bits and Bobs, full email edition), but in fact a brothel” – Mathias Schill (and others).

Send letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s letter o’ the day winner is … Pat Condreay, who lands a copy of The Social One: why Jürgen Klopp was the perfect fit for Liverpool, published by Pitch Publishing. Visit their football book store here.

The fury in Hong Kong over Lionel Messi’s non-appearance in a meaningless friendly due to minor-knack has now boiled up into the political sphere. Following his recovery to dazzle fans in Japan with a disinterested 30-minute amble around a pitch in Tokyo, the convener of Hong Kong’s executive council Regina Ip had this completely normal take: “Hong Kong people hate Messi, Inter Miami and the black hand behind them, for the deliberate and calculated snub to Hong Kong. [Messi should] never be allowed to return.” A tour hasn’t gone this badly since Guns N’ Roses left fans aghast as Axl Rose fronted the We’re F’N’ Back! Tour with a variety of incomprehensible squawks. Mind you, there’s some good news for Hong Kong fans who forked out up to £490 a ticket – they’re going to be offered a 50% refund by Tatler Asia, which stands to lose around £6m on the match.

Gareth Southgate will only consider his future as England manager after Euro 2024, with his sole focus being on losing somewhere on penalties winning the tournament in Germany this summer.

Gary Neville and Roy Keane have accused some of the opponents they faced with Manchester United in Big Cup of [snip] and suspect [snip] were not always [snip snippety snip – Football Daily Lawyers].

Erik tan Hag is delighted that his Old Trafford tyros are turning Manchester United’s fortunes around. “There is adventure. They are a danger. They want to do it together and to pass to each other,” he trilled. “Now it’s about keeping moving, keeping going, being hungry.”

Eddie Howe has leapt to the defence of Newcastle’s defensive tree Dan Burn, amid calls from fans for him to be dropped in favour of Tino Livramento. “He’s pivotal to how we play, really, in lots of different ways, without giving too many tactical things away,” blabbed Howe, while shielding his iPad. “[He’s] a very big presence obviously physically, but also vocally.”

Arsenal boss and Football Daily’s occasional Big Website colleague Jonas Eidevall has stuck the boot into the Women’s League Cup. “I think [the Conti Cup] is a tournament that other countries look at and say ‘that is not how we should run a tournament’,” he sighed. “I think there is a lot of room for improvement.”

And Livingston boss David Martindale insists his quip about being “gutted” at Derek Adams leaving Ross County was not intended as a personal attack, but merely a comment on their misery being beneficial for his own club. “You had an unhappy manager and unhappy players and of course it is better for Livingston for that unhappy environment to remain,” he honked.

“I need to carry my dad’s name until I cannot walk any more.” Wolves midfielder Mario Lemina on losing his father, being joined by one of his brothers at Molineux and how Gary O’Neil’s positivity has transformed the team.

It’s Friday. It’s 10 things to look out for in the Premier this weekend.

“Every detail counts”: the secrets behind Southampton’s record unbeaten run. By Ben Fisher.

“Pressure makes diamonds”: Suzanne Wrack chats to Louanne Worsey about how third-tier Nottingham Forest are gearing up to stun Everton in the Women’s FA Cup.

Does Jürgen Klopp’s Liverpool exit signal the end of the golden age of FSG, asks Aaron Timms.

And Max Rushden is on hand to ask: from stony faces to the full Ketsbaia: what is acceptable to the celebration police?

To London zoo in 1939 as a young boy prepares to coolly slot home past Ming the baby giant panda. The goalkeeper appears distracted.