Feyenoord and fingernails cause havoc in Guardiola’s house of pain

Hearing mention of the word “Brest” is undeniably funny if you’re 12 years old, bored out of your mind and sitting at the back of a French class when it’s mentioned by the only grown-up in the room. But Football Daily feels it could be on thin ice devoting this lengthy treatise to a withering dissection of Tuesday night’s toe-curling synod of the CBS Archbishops of Bigger Cup B@nterbury and have decided instead to focus our gimlet stare on one of the other big stories of the evening. Specifically, the weird capitulation of a Manchester City side who were 3-0 up and coasting in what was supposed to be a much needed confidence-booster at home against Feyenoord before a potentially traumatic and season-defining visit to Anfield this weekend.

Although their recent run of poor form has gone largely under the radar, we can exclusively reveal that going into the match, City had lost five games in a row in three different competitions. In need of a pick-me-up after defeats by Spurs (twice), Brighton, Sporting and Bournemouth, Pep Guardiola’s beleaguered troops made short work of putting their recent troubles behind them by scoring three goals without reply against the fourth best team in the Netherlands. Indeed, so one-way was the traffic that Erling Haaland’s second and City’s third prompted TNT Sport’s commentator to exhort what viewers were thinking. “And Feyenoord are well and truly beaten now,” he thundered confidently on 53 minutes, except for one minor detail – they well and truly were not.

“It will be a tough season for us and we have to accept it,” sniffed a stunned Guardiola after seeing his side gift the visitors three fairly cheap but well-taken goals in the final 20 minutes. “We lost a lot of games lately, we are fragile and of course we needed a victory. Three episodes, they didn’t allow us what we needed to win for many reasons, not just in terms of qualification or get the points to go through. Other reasons. It is what it is, difficult to swallow right now.” As he fronted up to the press in the wake of his side’s latest reverse, Guardiola was asked about a cut on his nose and what appeared to be visible scratch marks.

Explaining the former away as a self-inflicted accident caused by a rogue fingernail in the white-hot heat of his touchline torment, the City boss laughed off his battle scars as “self harm” before exiting stage left. And then subsequently apologised. Next up? As we’ve already mentioned, City travel to Merseyside on Sunday and if that particular game goes according to form, Guardiola might end up in more pain by the time of post-match debrief. But for now, as he and his players lick their physical and metaphorical wounds, Football Daily is off to tell Thierry, Jamie, Micah and Kate what happens when you type 5318008 into a calculator and look at it upside down.

Join Michael Butler from 8pm GMT for hot Bigger Cup minute-by-minute updates from Liverpool 2-1 Real Madrid, while John Brewin will be on deck at the same time for Aston Villa 1-2 Juventus.

“I could probably put the under-18 team out there and they wouldn’t concede six goals, so I’m very disappointed, angry, frustrated and the next 24-48 hours are not going to be very nice for the players” – another night to forget on the road for Wayne Rooney after Plymouth Argyle were given a 6-1 shoeing at Carrow Road by Norwich City. That’s now two points out of 27 away in the Championship this season, with three goals scored and 23 conceded.

Roy Keane’s two-footed definition of Spursy wasn’t the only origin of Spursyness (yesterday’s Football Daily). I first came across it in fan forums in the 2000s and it meant more than the ‘being a bit soft’ that Keane’s imaginative capabilities run to. It was also the absurd ways the universe seemed to conspire against us. The infamous food poisoning before the West Ham game to finish fourth in 2005-06 was a big one. Finally finishing fourth for the first time in 2011-12 and Chelsea fluking Big Cup to take our spot in the competition was another – especially because of the rule change that followed to prevent it happening again. Likewise actually getting to a Big Cup final but immediately conceding a penalty to a handball that wouldn’t be a penalty the following day. These are big examples, but there were always badly timed injuries or failed transfers that could get weaved into the story. You probably have to love Spurs to see it like that, and most people don’t love Spurs, so Keane’s (and Chiellini’s) definitions took over” – Richard Moyse Fenning.

Just think, if things had gone the morally correct way at the playoff final in 1999, the entire football world would be laughing at Gillingham now instead of at Manchester City. On such tiny margins” – James Vortkamp-Tong.

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Send letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s letter o’ the day winner is … Richard Moyse Fenning, who lands their very own piece of Football Weekly merch. Terms and conditions for our competitions can be viewed here.

You can now get your very own copy of the latest David Squires cartoon. And Big Website’s football bookshop has the latest release from David himself, along with those from Nick Miller, Jon Spurling and Geoff Twentyman.

FA suits are investigating allegations that referee David Coote discussed giving a yellow card before the Championship game between Leeds and West Brom in October 2019, in which he booked Ezgjan Alioski.

Manchester United have only gone and burst the brief bubble of positivity around the club by raising member ticket prices from £40 to £66 and doing away with concessions. Fans will stage a ticket-price protest in the match against Everton on Sunday with the MUST supporters’ trust saying there was “zero consultation” about the rise.

Arne Slot isn’t bothered about Mohamed Salah’s latest grumblings over a lack of a contract offer by Liverpool for the red-hot Egyptian. “The only thing I can say is, if I look at my lineups, Mo is more in than out,” soothed the manager.

In town for Madrid’s defeat at Anfield, Jude Bellingham says he felt like he was made “a bit of a scapegoat” for England’s Euro 2024 final loss to Spain. “I lost my smile a lot after the Euros … because I felt like I was a little bit mistreated,” he sniffed. “I felt like some of [the criticism] was a bit harsh on me.”

Brendan Rodgers thinks Celtic Park, like Snap, has got the power to impact their Bigger Cup game with Club Brugge. “I know how special it really is to play here and how difficult it can be,” he parped.

In more Championship woe news, Coventry City are preparing to pull the managerial lever marked “Frank Lampard”.

Brentford captain Christian Nørgaard has avoided a three-match ban after a successful appeal against the red card he received in the 0-0 draw at Everton.

And the former Manchester City striker Mikheil Kavelashvili is to stand for election to be president of Georgia.

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“It’s a beautiful story. People outside see the romance in it. But I’m just doing my job.” Khéphren Thuram gets his chat on with Jonathan Liew about wearing the same shirt his dad Lilian did and political activism.

Former Villa manager Carla Ward tells Tom Garry about helping USA! USA!! USA!!! to Olympic glory and a possible return to the dugout.

Arctic football outpost Bodø/Glimt are heading for centre stage at Old Trafford. Nick Ames reports.

Steve Cooper’s Leicester reign was doomed from the start, explains Ben McAleer.

Next in the nostalgic Serie A five-a-side team selection features … Genoa.

And is there a more internationally capped surname in football than Jones? The Knowledge knows.

Mario Balotelli helps make the brews in May 2011 during a Manchester City charity visit to St Ann’s Hospice in Cheadle. “Very nice, very polite young man – although he has no idea how to make tea,” was the verdict of one volunteer.