José Mourinho, Brazil and a tempting opportunity to get it launched

If we’re honest, January’s transfer window is silly season, a chance to fantasise. What if Player X were to join Club Y? Just think of the xG and the pressing stats, the transition control and verticality IP. Awlright! But equally, to continue this outbreak of honesty, then 2024’s January window has not exactly stirred the creative juices just yet.

Jadon Sancho back to Dortmund? Bit obvious. The main issue arising from Ian Maatsen probably joining Jadon at Signal Iduna Park on loan from Chelsea is: how many other 21-year-olds are called Ian? Did the Maatsen family side with the Beales when it came to the internecine war forever taking place in Albert Square? Are “Phil” and “Grant” popular names in Vlaardingen, Maatsen’s south Netherlands hometown? Anyway, moving on: Ivan Toney to Arsenal for £100m? Seems unlikely. Perhaps giving Bukayo Saka a proper rest might be more cost effective.

Wild speculation is the food from the gods for those asked to scratch together football-based daily tea-time emails. And José Mourinho has forever been a hero in these parts for his ability to turn the spotlight on himself, creating a feeding frenzy among fantasists. The latest rumours from the Mourinho extended universe is that he is being lined up to manage the Brazilian national team.

OK, Portuguese language: check. Expressive, carefree football embodying the free spiritedness of a football culture that values artistry over achievement? Well, not quite. Mind, Luiz Felipe Scolari – Big Phil if you will – hardly employed the freeform tactics of 1970: Clodoaldo skating out from defence, Pelé being celebrated more for his inventive misses than actual goals, and all that. And Big Phil was the last properly successful Brazil coach. As in: he won the World Cup. The current Brazil caretaker coach is Fernando Diniz, who you may recall from Fluminense’s Club World Cup appearance and his “relationism” football. That involved his team doing Clodoaldo things before getting robbed in their own box for Manchester City to score.

If Brazil are looking for a winner then Mourinho could be the man. He certainly used to be, though he’s never quite been the same since making it his mission to down Pep Guardiola in Spain when at Internazionale … and making it his mission to down Pep Guardiola in Spain when at Real Madrid. But while Pep has spent the time since cementing his reputation as the greatest and most influential coach of the lot, José has rather lost his touch.

Still, he remains a god in Rome, though the suggestion is his high wages are problematic for Roma, seventh in Serie A. A Saudi move has been brushed aside but Brazil seems more to his special tastes. “I don’t know if it’s true or not about Brazil, because they did not speak directly to me,” José sidestepped, Neymar-like.

Just imagine it. Mourinho sequestered, Lowry-style, in a São Paulo skyscraper, suggesting he can’t find enough players in Brazil, coating off players of Luke Littler prodigiousness before reactivating 2014’s Fred as a big man to get it launched to. We in 2024 need this.

Join Scott Murray for piping hot FA Cup action – Crystal Palace v Everton – with kick-off from 8pm GMT.

“Nikola returns with one aim: help Hajduk to win the title after 19 years” – Mindaugas Nikolicius, an extremely happy Hajduk Split suit, announces the return of former Croatia international Nikola Kalinic to the club, with a total salary of €1 (86p).

“For ‘Kuddly Ken’ read ‘Cousin Kevin’ …. your picture of Ken Bates with the Subbuteo cake (Memory Lane, yesterday) reinforced the sad truth that I, and probably many others of a certain age, simply cannot read or hear the word ‘Subbuteo’ without that famous song by the Undertones running through our heads. I bet Ken also has a fur-lined sheepskin jacket” – Allastair McGillivray.

“Like Jürgen Klopp, I also inadvertently lost my wedding ring 19 years ago. Returning from my honeymoon I diligently, as a newlywed, went to deposit waste paper in the street paper bin in Amsterdam, unknowingly also depositing my newly minted ring in said depository. The Amsterdam municipality swore they tried their best to find the wedding band amongst the tons of paper but alas, not being Klopp, and having to buy another ring, I couldn’t afford any further search options” – Gerry Rickard.

Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’ the day is … Allastair McGillivray.

Jonjo Shelvey will not be returning to Nottingham Forest after the loan they announced in September … because it turns out they actually terminated his contract before the player’s free transfer to Turkish side Caykur Rizespor. Will Unwin delves, exclusively.

Sean Dyche is not convinced that the winter break is working: “I don’t see the point of it when you’ve just had so many games in December. It’s not that beneficial,” he said, gruffly.

La Liga is back after their own mid-season break: Girona remain level on points with Real Madrid after Iván Martín wriggled through in the 91st minute to seal a 4-3 win over Atlético Madrid.

As thanks for coming out of international retirement, the Cameroon federation has allowed André Onana to be available for Manchester United duty against Spurs on 14 January, 24 hours before he’s due to feature against Guinea at the Africa Cup of Nations.

Wataru Endo is in fine form for Liverpool, which he concedes makes it awkward timing to be pootling off to the Asian Cup with Japan. “Of course I want to stay here,” he huffed. “But as a national team player it is important for me as I am captain,” he added, hastily.

Ibrox’s Copland Road stand will have a new “singing section” in time for next season, as well as new accessible viewing. “The atmosphere is renowned the world over, and the club are committed to enhancing that,” tooted a club statement.

Striker Alejo Véliz has joined Spurs’ lengthy injury list with “fairly significant” knee knack. Happily, Micky van de Ven is closing on a return from November’s hamstring twang.

Which Premier League players will be away for the Afcon and Asian Cup? Michael Butler goes club-by-club, and finds only three unaffected …

Wayne Rooney should have been given time and patience at Birmingham – and the club’s owners’ next call is a big one, warns Karen Carney.

$tevie G MBE’s Saudi adventure is in the balance, sighs John Duerden, after Al-Ettifaq’s eight-game winless run.

Former Arsenal forward Folarin Balogun has failed to match last season’s Reims form for Monaco, but he remains a big ol’ part of USA USA USA plans, writes Graham Ruthven.

Almost 34 years on from Crystal Palace booking their spot at Wembley after a thrilling 4-3 FA Cup semi-final against Liverpool, Eagles fans will tonight be keen for another memorable night against a team from Merseyside. Look at the joy on those faces. Have Palace supporters had a reason to smile since?