Manchester United’s search for something that smells like team spirit

While their noisy neighbours continued their progress through Big Cup’s group stage with a routine slap-down of Young Boys that earned them a place in the knockout stages with two games to spare, the players of Manchester United were cloistered in a Copenhagen hotel before their game against the Danish champions. While Manchester City, the reigning champions, are motoring through Group G as smoothly as a Red Bull race car negotiating a particularly tricky hairpin, United’s progress has looked more like that of a clown car clunking and spluttering its way around the Big Top. They lost their opening game against Bayern Munich by the odd goal of seven and their second by the odd goal of five against Galatasaray before arresting their poor by scraping past Copenhagen at Old Trafford thanks to some late goalkeeping heroics from André Onana.

Hailed as a potential turning point in what had, until then, been a horror start to the season, the steering wheel promptly came off in Erik ten Hag’s hands and the axles snapped as United got tonked 3-0 at home in each of their next two games. However, they will surf into this evening’s match at the Parken Stadium on the kind of tidal wave of confidence only a last-gasp winner at the end of yet another massively underwhelming domestic performance against extremely middling opposition can generate. “I’m happy with the points we got so far because we didn’t even play well but we are not too far away and we are in a position where we can compete for everything,” said Ten Hag in his pre-match pow-wow. “We want to play better and that is our target. It starts with good organisation in and out of possession and that last point is absolutely what we have now, we have such a good vibe and spirit.”

While it is almost certainly only a matter of time before some tactics boffin comes up with a foolproof decimal metric for measuring “vibes” and “team spirit”, for now they remain tricky to pin down. Given United’s appalling start to the season, the increasingly weird shunning of Jadon Sancho and the recent public dressing-down to which Marcus Rashford was subjected for celebrating his birthday on the evening of a defeat instead of staying indoors, donning sackcloth and flaying himself with a cricket bat wrapped in barbed wire, it is difficult to believe the Dutchman’s claims that his side’s xV and xTS are incredibly high. In a further blow to Ten Hag’s long-term employment prospects, he has revealed that United will be without Lisandro Martínez and Casemiro until Christmas, even if the latter’s absence may prove more of a help than a hindrance given his conspicuous drop-off in form compared to last year.

United can expect a hostile reception at Parken, which Copenhagen boss Jacob Neestrup claims will be a raucous bear-pit compared to the spooky silence in which his team were beaten a fortnight ago. “I would say with all the respect I felt when I stepped into Old Trafford, then I felt the historical atmosphere,” he said. “But you can’t compare Old Trafford with Parken because the intensity is times 100 in terms of what we played in two weeks ago. This is a standard that, for me, is way above the Premier League to be honest.” In such a hostile environment, it is not just on the pitch that those travelling in hope of a United win may struggle to make their presence felt.

Join Scott Murray at 8pm GMT for updates on Copenhagen 1-1 Manchester United in Big Cup, while Will Unwin will be on hand at the same time for Arsenal 2-1 Sevilla.

“We have to talk loudly. If you have a problem and you put it in your drawer, the problem is in the drawer and it’s going to stink at some point. If you have a problem, let’s talk about it, try to improve it. That’s what we are trying to do. Nothing else” – Mikel Arteta is still flapping his gums on the subject of officials and also reveals that he takes hygiene around the home seriously.

Shall we just hand Big Cup to Manchester City and save the planet by preventing all that carbon footprint?” – Krishna Moorthy.

‘If we go down to five men we will have a go.’ I don’t want to diminish Big Ange’s enthusiasm (yesterday’s Football Daily) but the game would have been abandoned if there were fewer than seven Spurs players still on the pitch. Maybe it is not too late for him to read the FA rules” – Nigel Sanders (and 1,056 others).

May I be the first to congratulate John Aldridge on his good manners in removing his trainers before putting his feet up on that beautiful table (yesterday‘s Memory Lane, full email edition). That must be very occasional behaviour among pro footballers” – John Lawton.

Re: Andrew Kluth (yesterday’s Football Daily letters) – I don’t see that there is any contradiction in standing in front of a back-garden swimming pool. From a photographic perspective, surely ‘in front of’ simply means nearer the camera. ‘Back-garden’ defines a location relative to the house. It’s not as if it were a quantum physics pantomime (given the rapidly approaching time of year) in which the audience could call: ‘He’s behind you! And in front of you!’ at the same time” – Ken Muir.

A collector’s piece of a substitution by Young Boys in their match at the Etihad last night, Ulisses Garcia being replaced by Noah Persson, a rare example of an Iliad hero losing out to an Old Testament floating zookeeper” – John Addison.

Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s letter o’ the day winner is … Ken Muir (for having our back), who gets a copy of Tinseltown: Hollywood and the Beautiful Game – a Match Made in Wrexham. You can buy a copy here.

Gianluigi Donnarumma was back at San Siro on Tuesday night, playing for the first time there since his move to PSG on a free transfer from Milan. And it’s fair to say fans of the Rossoneri have long memories, judging by the cascade of fake money – “Dollarummas” – hurled on the pitch at the goalkeeper during their Big Cup clash, which the Italians won 2-1. “There was a lot of noise and they gave [him] quite a difficult reception,” sighed Kylian Mbappé. “I think it was a bit too much, but there you go, that’s football nowadays.”

Our sister email on how Emma Hayes can reach new heights if she takes the USA USA USA job and achieves a better work/life balance.

Tottenham say they will continue to seek the strongest possible action against those found guilty of discrimination after a Crystal Palace fan was handed a three-year football banning order for racially abusing Son Heung-min.

Meta has insisted that Tottenham forward Manor Solomon’s Instagram account was removed by mistake and not because of any content related to his support for Israel.

Rob Page says he has cleared the air with Welsh FA chief suit Noel Mooney, who appeared to suggest last month that the Wales manager’s position was in doubt. “We’ll have a coffee and a chat,” soothed Page. “Things were said and that was it.”

The Matildas and Socceroos have struck a new pay deal that will mean the country’s top women’s players could receive a flamin’ pay increase of up to $80,000 per year, on top of their club salaries and tournament prize money.

Pep Guardiola reckons Manchester City could be “in trouble” following John Stones’ latest knack setback. “It’s deep bad news,” sobbed Guardiola, whose team might now only win the league by 10 points.

Nuno Espírito Santo has been hoiked through the Al-Ittihad door marked افعل واحدة only six months after guiding the club to the Saudi league title.

And Leo Snowden, who was yet to be born when No Country For Old Men hit cinemas, has reflected on making his Oxford United debut aged 15 years and 157 days. “To be able to get on for 10 minutes, even though I was huffing and puffing, was a great experience,” he squeaked. “It’s great to break the club record … but I want to get more than one game in the next couple of years.”

Can any team beat Fenerbahce’s 19 wins in a row from the start of season? The Knowledge knows.

Big Phil Neville returns to MLS with a point to prove, but a fanbase at Portland that doesn’t want him, reports Graham Ruthven.

“It’s so the young players can have a better future”: why Afghanistan’s men are on strike. By Ed Aarons and Romain Molina.

And Mikel Arteta improves players – which is good news for Kai Havertz, reckons Ben McAleer.

It’s 17 January 1998 and Alan Shearer is off to retrieve Temuri Ketsbaia’s shirt after the Georgian’s infamous added-time winner for Newcastle against Bolton. As recalled in this Joy of Six on goal celebrations, the Georgian “raced behind the goal, flung his shirt into the crowd, thought better of taking his shorts off, made a similarly abortive attempt to remove his boots, then violently shrugged off teammate Philippe Albert as he hoofed the pitchside advertising hoardings once, twice, then once more with feeling. After gesticulating towards [Kenny] Dalglish, he received the ball after the restart - and under no pressure whatsoever, flayed it wildly into touch. ‘I was just happy to score,’ was the disingenuous explanation he offered once his ears had been corked to stop St James’ Park being totally engulfed by steam.”