Plymouth Argyle, Ipswich Town and two bites of the Championship cherry

For those who don’t believe in the sporting concept of mental scarring, 2022-23 has been a smugness-inducing season. Arsenal, who missed out on Big Cup qualification last year after a shattering collapse, were supposed to start this season with a hangover. Instead they Tiggered their way to the top of the Premier League, staying there for almost the entire season, and ultimately what has happened in the last three weeks has got nothing to do with the narrative we’re peddling! An even more impressive – and sustained – display of bouncebackability, mind, has occurred in League One. A year ago this weekend, a wobbling Plymouth Argyle played their last league game at home to MK Dons, knowing a win would almost certainly ensure a playoff place. They lost 5-0.

While seventh was still higher than Plymouth were expected to finish, it was the kind of setback that could ruin a team, especially as their young manager Steven Schumacher was less than six months into his first senior job. Instead, Argyle have seen last season’s overachievement and raised it. With two games of a pretty remarkable season to go, they (95), Ipswich (94) and Sheffield Wednesday (90) have combined for 279 points, but only two of them can go up automatically to the Championship. In the interests of balance and journalistic integrity, we must acknowledge that the sweet smell of success cannot yet be found everywhere in Plymouth. While Football Daily was reading about the team on the local newspaper website, a domineering breaking-news alert informed us that – and we’re not making this up – “Plymouth Morrisons stinks of ‘raw sewage’ and ‘urine’.”

It’s still possible for both Argyle and Ipswich to reach 100 points, which we think would be an EFL first, and maybe even a Football League first. But all that really matters is promotion, and that can be secured with one more victory. They each have two bites at the cherry – fruits are in aisle 12, you might want to hold your nose though – starting with home games against Burton and Exeter, respectively, on Saturday. Both are lower-mid-table sides with the square root of eff all to play for, while Ipswich’s recent form (P13 W12 D1 L0 F37 A2) makes Manchester City look Spursy by comparison, and it will be a shock if they don’t end their three-year stay in League One at their earliest convenience.

Plymouth’s form isn’t bad either – nine wins in the last 11 league games, and don’t mention the 4-0 LDV Vans final defeat to Bolton in that time. But last season’s denouement means there will be plenty of nerves at Home Park, and a nagging fear that they might once again put the arghhhhhhhhhhh in Argyle. On the plus side, if it does go horribly wrong for the Pilgrims, just watch them come flying out of the traps next season.

Join Rob Smyth from 7.15pm BST for WSL MBM coverage of Aston Villa 0-0 Manchester United.

“Look at the previous results here. I don’t think you understand how challenging it is playing in this stadium with an unbeaten record in the last four years. You have to stay in football matches. I can’t criticise our performance. We’re going out in the competition because of the home leg. Today, I think the better team lost” – Chelsea manager Emma Hayes reflects on their 1-1 draw in Barcelona as they came up just short, 2-1 on aggregate, in the semi-finals of Women’s Big Cup. Next up: the Arsenal v Wolfsburg (first leg 2-2) return game on Monday.

Dear Spurs player committee, please find attached the receipts for my meals, hotel and train tickets for last night’s match. I know it was a home game but I had to travel from Nottingham, where I live. Given the result, maybe I’ll settle on 50% reimbursement of the expenses. For the future, would you mind depositing an advance on my bank account so as to avoid delays in the payment please? Many thanks” – Marcio Aquino.

I found fascinating the AI chatbox output resulting from Robin Hazlehurst’s asking said intelligence ‘… to write a team talk to inspire a football team that is losing at half-time’ (yesterday’s Football Daily letters). Most interesting is that the resulting, admittedly inspiring, pep talk gave no clue as to whether the original instructions were for soccerball football or to gridiron football. It really didn’t seem to matter, in the end. If AI is the go-to intelligence for the 21st century manager, we must admit that Ted Lasso is ahead of his time” – Mike Fichtner.

Can Robin ask his AI manager for an explanation why his team were so rubbish in the first half?” – Brian James.

Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’ the day is … Marcio Aquino.

Former England captain David Beckham has revealed in a new Netflix documentary how living with his OCD leads him to spending hours cleaning and organising his home while the rest of his family are in bed.

Erik ten Hag is feeling a tad funky after Manchester United let Spurs off the hook with a 2-2 draw at home on Thursday night. “Today we are not ready. Some thought 90% is enough,” he sniffed. “We did not do our jobs in positioning. You lose control of the game. You have to bring it every time.

Southampton are winless in eight and plummeting towards the Championship after a 1-0 defeat at home to Bournemouth.

Everton are winless in six and plummeting towards the Championship after a 4-1 defeat at home to Newcastle.

Napoli’s home game against Salernitana, which could seal their first Serie A title since 1990, has been moved back a day to Sunday for public safety reasons. If Lazio drop points against Inter in the day’s early match, then a win for Napoli in their 2pm BST kick-off will be enough to set off the party of all parties.

Bayern boss Thomas Tuchel isn’t getting too despondent despite the slip-ups that have left them chasing leaders Dortmund. “We are very honest. We are the last ones to sweep anything under the carpet,” he parped, clearly talking about the Bundesliga and not Uli Hoeness. “We have dropped five points in the last two matches.”

Sentences we didn’t think we’d be typing a year or two ago dept: Gareth Bale has turned down an offer from Ryan Reynolds to come out of retirement and play for Wrexham. “I’m spending a lot of time with my kids, my wife, time that I’ve lost so much over the years being committed to football,” he cooed. “I’m just enjoying family life and playing some golf.”

And Argentinian “influencer” Santiago Maratea is channelling his popularity on assorted social media abominations to create a fund and pay off Independiente’s spiralling debt. “There are lawyers and notaries here to check that everything is in the right way,” he tooted. “The board does not have a vote on where the money goes, I am the trustee. We will talk later but the priority is to pay the most urgent debts.”

Alexia Putellas may be the crown jewel of a side with a wealth of talent, but it is Caroline Graham Hansen who is the driving force of Barcelona’s unstoppable wide play, writes Suzanne Wrack.

Over in the Premier League, Manchester United fans have been wooing Harry Kane. David Hytner has the latest on the prospective summer transfer saga. Deja vu all over again, anyone? Jonathan Liew, meanwhile, has given Son Heung-min his dues for digging a point out for Spurs.

“For all the obvious brilliance of the football, Manchester City are also a cold project. The players are wonderful. The pieces revolve with perfect synchronicity. So why does it feel like processed fillet steak, like AI Beethoven, like a literary masterpiece written by a super computer? By Barney Ronay.

Rico Henry has been getting his chat on with Jacob Steinberg. “I looked up to left-backs like Jordi Alba, who’s short,” says Brentford’s 5ft 7in defender. “Marcelo and Ashley Cole weren’t the tallest. I always believed in myself. I knew there were other players in the same position who were a similar height to me.”

Ewan Murray sets the scene for the Scottish Cup semi-finals and one in particular, as Inverness and Falkirk Rangers and Celtic collide.

And Barry Glendenning picks out some of the non-league stories you may have missed.

Back in August 1926, Plymouth Argyle trainer Tommy Haynes got dressed up as a policeman to try and direct his charges towards promotion from Division Three South. They had missed out on the Second Division by a solitary point the previous season … and would miss out by two at the end of this one, despite Haynes’s admirable efforts and directions.