Premier League touring season is upon us: prepare for disappointment

Here comes the summer. Or elite club football’s version of it. The Euros and Copa América, having inconveniently blocked out six weeks of revenue-trousering, are replaced by touring season. A bit like festival season, including hair-raising tickets prices, and disappointing acts failing to live up to their billing. Mind you, say what you like about Coldplay – no really, do go for it, let it all out – but not even the Trouble hitmakers would take the stage without Chris Martin. Take Saturday at Murrayfield, and a “prestige friendly” between Rangers and Manchester United, tickets costing north of £50. There may have been a first sighting of Leny Yoro, the reappearance of Jadon Sancho in red and the recollection that Mason Mount is a United player, but with 10 subs made, only André Onana playing the 90, this was an underpowered Big Red, even in the face of the club being underpowered in its entirety.

For a $132 standard ticket, you can catch United in Los Angeles this Saturday, playing Arsenal. Here the summer tour cliches begin, of warm-weather training, of lesser lights impressing in training drills, of sit-downs with the manager and key execs before matches that will be instantly forgotten once the whistle has blown on the Premier League opening weekend. A prime example: Manchester City’s tour of the USA USA USA, its aim to strengthen the vice-like grip the City brand has on football romantics. Winning friends and influencing people will just have to take place without Kevin De Bruyne, Bernardo Silva, Rúben Dias, Matheus Nunes, Jérémy Doku, Nathan Aké, Manuel Akanji, Phil Foden, Rodri, John Stones, Kyle Walker, Julián Álvarez and Noel Gallagher.

Which leaves Pep Guardiola considering whether Micah Richards might pair his club ambassador role with lining up in defence in one of those mammoth NCAA stadiums. So, thanks as ever, for Chelsea. It turns out the period they were owned by an associate of Vladimir Putin and overturned the entire European football economy was not the entertaining bit. Chelsea’s summer’s tour appears to have a selection process that Maximus Decimus Meridius in Gladiator would have been familiar with. Romelu Lukaku, Kepa Arrizabalaga, Trevoh Chalobah, Cesare Casadei, David Datro Fofana and Malang Sarr will not be flying out to face, er, Wrexham in California, among 43 (forty-three) players omitted.

Having blown that billion on transfers, Chelsea need to sell, sell, sell, and pure profit is the name of the game. Chalobah, a gem from the club’s previously exalted youth academy, had waited for his turn to play for Chelsea via various loans and then, under Mauricio Pochettino, became a valued defender. But having cost the club practically nothing on a balance sheet, youth products become extra valued. Chelsea – unable to sell them to themselves, as with hotels and the women’s team – are left to cast poor Trev out on the open market. Grim, right? Really don’t laugh too hard, your favourite transnational corporate entity that used to be a football club will be trying the same.

Sometimes I like to read my comments when I played badly or missed chances. They will say ‘he is [snip – Football Daily Bad Word Ed] with missing chances’. But I like it because I say: ‘OK, I will make this guy shut his mouth.’ I take it personal too. When I’m in training the next week or the next day, I remember it and I say ‘no, this guy is not going to say this about me any more’ and I keep going” – Everton striker Beto on using the h@terz as fuel for his footballing fire.

Re: yesterday’s Football Daily. I think the 1,057 must be asleep. It is shocking nobody has come forward to explain the Olympics are actually 17 Big Sports Days. Perhaps refer to it as Big Sports Weeks” – Steven Mintz (and no others).

Send letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s prizeless letter o’ the day winner is … Rollover. Terms and conditions for our competitions can be viewed here.

It’s 9.50am and Football Daily is scrolling through various social media disgraces for some hot content for you, dear reader. We’ve only looked at three posts, two we didn’t understand and another that brought our mood plummeting down to a level similar to Roy Hodgson’s after Iceland. Then we checked the third, @ReadingFC on TwiXer. Ah, a video. A bus rounds a bend. A man crosses a road. He’ll be fine, won’t he? He’d better hurry up. Oh dear. This might not end well. Smack! Man is sent hurtling through the air and skids to a halt near a bus stop. This is awful. Man gets up and walks into pub. What the [snip] have we just watched?

You may or may not be aware of video footage from this incident seven years ago, which led to a jail sentence for a bus driver in Reading and injuries to the victim who clearly wasn’t immediately feeling them when he took the decision to get up and quench his thirst. So why is a professional football club posting footage of such an incident with no obvious context? To sell tickets for a knees-up at the trendy nightspot that the discombobulated and bruised man entered, of course. “After the huge success of last year’s Pre-Season Social at the iconic Purple Turtle, we’re delighted to confirm we will be doing it all over again as we prepare for the start of the 2024-25 campaign away to Birmingham City,” trumpeted Reading in a separate article on their website. What does this tell us? Modern football really does live inside a ball of mostly noxious b@nter. Post first, lap up the lols, question your taste later.

Manchester City and England goalkeeper Khiara Keating has appeared in court after being charged with possession of nitrous oxide, a class C drug also known as “hippy crack”. Along with her mother, Keating was granted bail and the case was adjourned until 10 September.

Pep Guardiola has told the world that Kevin De Bruyne isn’t doing one anytime soon despite reports linking the Manchester City playmaker with a Saudi move. “Kevin isn’t going,” he roared, making sure the midfielder heard him.

Brighton have laughed off an £8m bid from Napoli for Scotland midfielder Billy Gilmour.

Che Adams is on his way to Italy, though, having completed his move from Southampton on a free to Torino. “Ciao Toro fans,” whooped the Scotland striker. “I’m so happy to be here, I can’t wait to get started and see you soon.”

Eddie Howe is confident that Anthony Gordon will stay at Newcastle, despite interest from Liverpool. “I’d welcome Anthony back with three arms if I had them,” honked Howe. “He’s an integral part of what we’re doing.”

And there’s an underdog story brewing in the J-League, baby, where Machida Zelvia, who only formed in 1989, were a non-league outfit until 2009 and have a coach who managed a high school team until 2022, are five points clear at the top with 14 games left. “They have to chase us and it is ours to lose,” roared their flamin’ Australia striker Mitch Duke.

Get your very own copies of David Squires’s cartoons in our printshop.

“The Olympic rings speak to everyone”: France’s Wendie Renard gets her chat on with Raphaël Jucubin about the importance of Big Sports Day.

“Football supporters surely demand far better representation than the cheering, jeering cardboard cutouts the advertising industry so blithely persists with.” John Brewin takes down the reductive stereotyping of fans in ads by companies that are often working against supporters’ interests.

Andy Hunter picks through Everton’s latest financial complications after The Friedkin Group pulled out of its proposed takeover.

Will Unwin breaks down the key things to look out for in Manchester City’s pre-season tour of the USA USA USA so you don’t have to.

Ben McAleer on why Riccardo Calafiori is a wanted man by Arsenal.

And as the USA USA USA men’s team lick their wounds after another failure, Ryan Baldi wonders about the effect of pay-to-play at the grassroots.

1 August 1962: Bobby Moore takes a break from a pre-season session at West Ham to pose for proper analogue photos from young fans who have flocked to the club’s training ground during the summer holidays.