In the often excruciating comedy mockumentary series Nathan For You, the show’s creator, Nathan Fielder, tries to boost small businesses with his outlandish and ill-advised strategies. Highlights include instructing a mechanic to complete a polygraph test with each estimate, and helping a troubled mall Santa to sell discount photos at the height of summer. In the most memorable episode, “Dumb Starbucks”, Fielder’s copyright-flouting rebrand of a local coffee shop actually becomes a viral hit. In Nathan For You, the ideas aren’t necessarily bad, they’re just … different. And if you’re wondering why we’re talking about this, it’s because Ruben Amorim’s Manchester United tenure is starting to feel like a particularly painful episode.

Like the Nathan Fielder we see on screen, Amorim is an awkward character to pin down; diminutive and unassuming, he also appears entirely comfortable saying outrageous and damaging things. Seventy-seven days into a new, high-profile job he was practically forced to take, Amorim’s strategy appears to be a simple one: rebuild Manchester United’s status and self-worth by constantly pointing out how bad their players are, and how miserable his job is. Barely a week after arriving at Old Trafford, Amorim admitted it would take longer than his 2.5-year contract to get United winning a title – and he celebrated a three-game unbeaten start by vowing his team “will be found out in some games”. Look, he wasn’t wrong, was he?

After the bold decision to field Casemiro and Christian Eriksen at the heart of an industrious 3-4-3 setup in defeat by Newcastle, Amorim gave his players a shot in the arm by telling them they were bad enough to be relegated. “Our club needs a shock and we have to understand that,” he trilled. That didn’t seem to get the message across, so Amorim spelled it out in simpler terms. “We are the worst team maybe in the history of Manchester United,” he cheered after the home defeat to Brighton. “Everybody here is underperforming.” Nobody is underperforming quite like Marcus Rashford, though. Amorim’s approach to reviving the homegrown hero’s drifting career has been interesting. A quiet word, an arm around the shoulder, or the kind of relentless public castigation that is probably quite triggering for Luke Shaw? Rashford was again left out of the squad for Sunday’s 1-0 win at Fulham, with Amorim explaining that he would rather put goalkeeping coach Jorge Vital, actually 63, on the bench than “a player that doesn’t give the maximum every day,” naming Rashford by not naming him.

United’s penny-pinching industrialist overlord, Big Sir Jim Ratcliffe, is no stranger to dishing out some choice words. He doesn’t care if you’re Dan Ashworth, Sir Ben Ainslie or 250 modestly remunerated employees with bills to pay; if he doesn’t really understand or care what it is you do, you’re going through the Big Door Marked Do One, pronto. Still, even Big Sir Jim might baulk at the ongoing barrage of negativity his new head coach is directing at all concerned. Stranger still, Amorim’s latest post-game beatdown – where he also quipped that his two months at United have made him feel 10 years older – came after a half-decent performance at Craven Cottage, albeit in a game played with an Antiques Roadshow level of intensity. Amorim’s treatment of Rashford might just be his best way of ensuring there is a warm body he can bundle through Big Sir Jim’s aforementioned Big Door before he is forced through it himself. Or maybe Amorim’s shock-and-awe strategy, like Nathan Fielder’s worst ideas, might actually end up working.

On an emotional and tactical level it is impossible to salvage something positive from this. We were outclassed inside and outside. We didn’t compete at the level that the players have. I am concerned about the feelings of our fans, and they need to know that we are with them” – Carlos Corberán gets that Gary Neville feeling, after watching Barcelona stick seven past Valencia.

There are post-match interviews that stand out for one reason or another, and then there stands the utter lack of class that came over Ruben Amorim during his victorious post-match demonstration of how to guarantee with gusto that he will be meeting with United’s transfer negotiation team bright and early Monday morning. ‘Hi Ruben, we’re actually trying to SELL Marcus on FOR VALUE and so if you could please not SLAG HIM OFF in public again that would be super great’” – Daniel Stauss.

Am I the only one who had a good laugh at Iliman Ndiaye’s seagull celebration when he scored? It shows a certain creativity which is what the game is crying out for these days. I was going to say that it Brightoned my day. But then at the same time this kind of thing does pose a few problems. How does one imitate a toffee, a cannon, a hammer? And what happens if QPR ever get back into the Premier League?” – Stephen Rankin.

Send letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s winners of our letter o’ the day are … Stephen Rankin, who wins a copy of Football And How To Survive It, by Pat Nevin. You can buy a copy from Big Website’s bookshop. Terms and conditions for our competitions can be viewed here.

You’ve got to have a special kind of confidence or be a special sort of silly to celebrate early in professional sport. Tiger Woods’ walk-off putt in the 2019 Presidents Cup and Kim Si-woo’s similar antics last year, are the stuff of golfing infamy. But get it wrong, and celebrating early can also come back to bite you in the behind. Just ask Spanish race walker Laura García-Caro. So hats off to Yoane Wissa, who had just watched teammate Bryan Mbeumo miss a penalty at Palace, only for the spot-kick to be retaken for encroachment. So confident was Wissa that Mbeumo would dispatch the second penalty that the DR Congo international set off, jubilantly running arms aloft towards the Brentford fans, seconds before it was actually taken. When asked about Wissa’s early celebration, Mbeumo explained it was down to their pair’s friendship “on and off the pitch”. The Cameroon forward, who has scored all 10 penalties in English football since taking his first in 2021, added: “If one of us scores, then we are really happy for the other”.

The PGMOL has said it is appalled by the “abhorrent abuse”, including death threats, Michael Oliver and his family received after his controversial decision to send off Arsenal’s Myles Lewis-Skelly. “The police are aware, and a number of investigations have commenced,” read a statement.

Radja Nainggolan, who came out of retirement last week to sign for second-tier Lokeren in Belgium, has been arrested as part of an investigation into cocaine trafficking. “The investigation concerns alleged facts of importation of cocaine from South America to Europe, via the port of Antwerp, and its redistribution in Belgium,” the Brussels prosecutor’s office announced.

Manchester United co-owner Sir Jim Ratcliffe has been told by a fans’ group that now is “the worst possible time” to increase ticket prices amid the club’s struggles on the pitch. He was also told some other choice things via the medium of blunt chants from the away end at Fulham on Sunday night.

Meanwhile, the club have welcomed the announcement of government support for the project to regenerate the area around Old Trafford. “There is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to create a landmark project,” cheered club suit Omar Berrada.

Big Ange Postecoglou has admitted his Tottenham future is out of his hands, mate. “Who knows?” the Australian replied after the flamin’ 2-1 home defeat by Leicester. “I have a group of staff that is really committed,” he added. “I focus on that”.

Morgan Whittaker has responded to Miron Muslic after the Plymouth head coach claimed the 24-year-old “did not show up” in time to be selected for Argyle’s 5-0 defeat to Burnley on Wednesday. Whittaker, who signed for Middlesbrough on Friday in a record sale for Plymouth, said: “The backlash I have received due to the manager’s post-match interview has been devastating to me”, while clarifying the situation. “I never refused to play against Burnley. It was agreed by myself and the manager that due to the bids on the table from both Burnley and Middlesbrough, I would not be up for selection”.

And Newcastle’s Miguel Almirón, formerly of Atlanta United, will almost certainly become Atlanta United’s Miguel Almirón, formerly of Newcastle, after the Magpies accepted a bid of £9.5m for the 30-year-old.

Count ‘em! Six WSL talking points, including the question of whether Chelsea can become Invincibles. Oh, and there’s 10 Premier League talking points for your reading pleasure, too.

The tragic death of Brentford’s technical director Rob Rowan at 28 in 2018 shocked the club and prompted them to help set up a thriving heart health charity. Ed Aarons has more.

Jonathan Liew questions Arsenal’s WSL ambitions and whether it is really the “small details” that are leaving them adrift of Chelsea.

Nicky Bandini on the Hollywood story of Como, Cesc Fàbregas, movie stars, Dennis Wise and nearly €80m in transfer fees.

St Pauli and Hamburg is quite the departure from Lake Como, but no less enthralling. Here’s Andy Brassell on why the club’s latest win could help them keep a seat at Germany’s top table.

“Maybe Eminem was right. You do only get one shot”. It’s Barney Ronay on Manchester United and minimalism.

And footballers you’ve heard of, including Chelsea’s Christopher Nkunku, and footballers you’ve almost certainly haven’t (Rosenborg’s Sverre Nypan) feature in Monday’s Rumours.

Proof that b@ntz dates back a lot further than we think. Here’s Teddy Sheringham winding up David Beckham on the Old Trafford substitutes’ bench in April 2001, while Ole Gunnar Solskjær practises that concerned look that we would get to know so well when he eventually took on the impossible job at the club.