The Barclaysmen: we just want something to watch, something to feel

Between the dynamic ticket pricing scandal and these two not making it on to the Ballon d’Or shortlist (what about Cristiano Ronaldo’s numbers in Saudi, guys?!), it’s fair to say that Football Daily and the rest of you were at a low ebb going into the international break. But then, a ray of hope amid the disgraces of Social Media Disgrace TwiXer. A post from The Cultras Pod emerged from the shadows, with nothing but a dream and a hashtag.

#Barclaysmen was born, its mission clear: to cleanse the timeline with nostalgic compilations of early-2000s Premier League footballers set to music of the era. Neither the footballer or the music had to be good. In fact, if the footballers were too good, they are not Barclaysmen at all. Paul Scholes is not a Barclaysman. Neither is Thierry Henry. But James Beattie? Barclaysman. Yakubu? Barclaysman. Matty Taylor? Barclaysman. Hey, we don’t make the rules. Taylor is maybe even the quintessential Barclaysman, with a license to shoot from downtown whenever he wanted. Oh, for the days of a speculative shot! Pep, what have you done to us?!

Sure, the terms “Prime Barclays” and “Pure Barclays” have been around for years and, admittedly, #Barclaysmen is basically just a Grant Holt-inspired rebranding of “The Streets Won’t Forget”. And yes, some have taken it too far – Fabio Borini’s compilation, set to Just Jack’s Starz in their Eyes, was an uncomfortable watch, while Brentford’s admin tried to get in on the act despite the fact the Bees only reached the Premier League in 2021. But don’t spoil this for us. This remains a good, wholesome thing. We just want something to watch, something to feel, while we’re stuck at the back of a Ticketmaster queue.

A wise person named EM Hudson once said that people “can literally just sit around and name old sports players and just have the best time”. Amen to that. And especially if Hard to Beat by Hard-Fi is playing in the background.

“When I’m hearing all the negativity when we’re playing well, good goal by Altrincham by the way, good goal on the counter-attack, fair play, [Justin Amaluzor’s] a good player, pace, and I gotta listen to that moaning in me ear. Just relax. I know what I’m doing. I took this team over, bottom of the table, have a look where you are. Yeah? … I’m very very angry and frustrated. And any fan who wants to come see me, my door’s open, come in and see me, have a cup of tea with me and come and see me, and I’ll explain where we’re at and who’s injured and what’s happening” – after a last-gasp 2-1 win in the National League, Barnet manager Dean Brennan stops just short of suggesting the club’s fans visit him armed with their lunchtime repast, while showing what menace really means. Come and find out who’s injured!

Is turning down a Football Daily letters prize in advance a bit like saying: ‘Oh, I’d never accept a peerage. If only there were the slightest probability of it being offered at all.’ Anyway, no 7-incher for me, please. Please. What I really wanted to say was: since when did Harry Kane’s home country become an island (yesterday’s Football Daily)? I know Welsh and Scottish nationalists have long been advocating separation, but I genuinely thought that was only on a political basis rather than a full-on terraforming tow-my-piece-of-this-confounded-union-far-enough-away-until-we-have-territorial-waters-of-our-own basis. Still, maybe you’d like to have Shrewsbury-on-Sea or Carlisle-sur-la-Plage?” – Ken Muir (and others).

I’d started to believe that my life had reached a nadir once I began regularly reading this tea-timely email. But I’ve yet to count the number of words in your correspondence, so thank you, Chris Wheal (yesterday’s Football Daily letters), for showing me I still have some way yet to sink” – Simon Mazier.

This originally came up in May. Go read some listicles elsewhere, if you like. Let writers write, we need them” – Jon Millard.

Send letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s letter o’ the day winner is … Simon Mazier, who wins a 7” vinyl copy of Manchester United Calypso, a soulful classic reissued by Be With Records. If you’re not a winner, visit their online store to pre-order your own. Terms and conditions for our competitions can be viewed here.

Just when you thought Oasis couldn’t get any more cringe – OK, Oasis can always get more cringe – and that Manchester City had plumbed the deepest depths of fashion disgrace – OK, Manchester City can always plumb deeper depths of fashion disgrace – along comes a partnership that multiplies the crimes of each by several orders of magnitude. Because it turns out that the club have engaged Noel Gallagher, he of the nan’s hair and grandad’s rig, to design a fourth kit – because who doesn’t need one of them – in the colour scheme of Definitely Maybe. Yes, really. Are 115 charges and flag-waving for a sovereign state with a questionable human rights record really not enough?

He’s away at the moment but Chaos in the Box, the new David Squires book, is coming. You can order it now through our bookshop and get a 20% discount.

Rodrigo Bentancur has been charged by the FA for allegedly making a racist remark about his teammate, Son Heung-min.

After five years, hundreds of millions spent, one embarrassing documentary and zero league titles, Arsenal have rewarded Mikel Arteta with a new three-year contract. “I’m in the place where I want to be and am really happy,” he cheered.

Oasis-mania has even infected England wannabe-manager Lee Carsley. “Am I up for it … I think I am up for it,” he drawled, tipping lager into an imaginary bucket hat. “When I first started coaching, I coached players like I played which, as you can imagine, wasn’t very good to watch. So I’ve had to adjust my way.”

John Textor has compared the chance of becoming Everton’s owner to being elected as president of the USA USA USA, saying he’s confident of completing a takeover before the deadline set in his exclusivity agreement with Farhad Moshiri. “I’m in an awkward spot but we’re working through it,” he whooped.

And in a staggering turn of events, the famously astute and self-effacing Cristiano Ronaldo has criticised Erik ten Hag, the manager who binned him off for being an over-the-hill whinger who undermined his Manchester United teammates. “I don’t have respect for him because he doesn’t show respect for me,” honked the Al-Nassr legend.

From Old Trafford to Anfield, Aaron Timms laments the cash-over-community culture as the age of historic stadiums being rebranded continues.

More nostalgia! Our Serie A five-a-side teams series continues with Richard Hall picking a lineup for Inter.

Tom Garry on why the Ballon d’Or doesn’t seem to care about women’s football.

Up next in our WSL previews is Chelsea, the champions. Will Sonia Bompastor take over where Emma Hayes left off?

Dr Nick Ames explains that while European football might be in rude health, Uefa should be doing anything but resting on its laurels.

Newcastle’s solid start to the season can’t mask Eddie Howe’s uneasy truce with the club hierarchy, warns Louise Taylor.

Tom Dart ponders if Mauricio Pochettino’s star power will spark USA USA USA to success or whether international rhythms could hinder their progress.

John Duerden rounds up the Asian World Cup qualifiers as fan unrest overshadows South Korea’s shaky start, contrasting Japan’s effortless victories.

And Joey Lynch senses flamin’ history repeating itself with the Socceroos’ poor start to World Cup qualifying.

Having decided the first few World Cups were unworthy of them, the FA posh lads finally allowed England to compete in 1950, so they travelled to Brazil as 3-1 favourites and won their first game against Chile. But their second resulted in a shock that remains among the most monumental of all time, Joe Gaetjens scoring the only goal of the game as the USA beat them 1-0. In this photo, he’s carried off by elated fans, while events appear to be too much for the man prostrate in front of them.